Change Profile

Last Day
Last Week
Tree View

Search Board
Keyword Search
By Date


Getting Started
Program Credits

Best Coupons
Freebie Newsletter!
Coupons & Free Stuff


Do you think that this is wrong

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive October 2007: Do you think that this is wrong
By Shann on Saturday, October 6, 2007 - 10:52 pm:

I have a pet peeve when it comes to people parking in handicapped spots that are not handicapped. My brother who is blind has a handicapped permit so tonight dh and I were are walmart and his live in girlfriend was pulling into a handicapped spot. my brother was not in the car he was at home. I think that this is totally wrong. Should I say something or just bit my tongue

By Marcia on Saturday, October 6, 2007 - 11:46 pm:

I would say something. Having parented 3 children who have used wheelchairs, it REALLY ticks me off! I have said things to people many times.

By Dawnk777 on Saturday, October 6, 2007 - 11:51 pm:

I would say something, because she is not handicapped and it's taking the space away from someone who is legitimately disabled.

By Ginny~moderator on Sunday, October 7, 2007 - 02:07 am:

It's a strong peeve of mine also. Both of my parents qualified for handicapped parking, Dad because of Parkinson's and Mom because of severe arthritis problems. I admit that sometimes when the weather and parking at the mall was really bad, I used a handicapped spot when neither parent was in the car a couple of times, but after I had the experience of no handicapped spot being open at a pharmacy when Mom was with me *and* seeing one spot being used by teens sitting in the car waiting for a buddy, I stopped. And I spoke to the teens.

Yes, I would say something. She doesn't know, when she takes a handicapped spot when your brother isn't with her, whether someone who really needs that spot will come along while she's in the store or mall. She just may not have thought about it in those terms or put herself in that hypothetical other person's shoes.

I'll share a story with you. Shortly after my dad had to start using a wheelchair, we parked in a handicapped spot at a mall. When we came out, we discovered that someone had parked in the cross-marked "access" space next to our car (on our left - and regular parking began right next to us on our right). Mall security said it would be a couple of hours before a towing company would come. At that time I didn't have a driver's license, but Mom could not fit into the space between the cars to even get into our car (at that time she was our family driver). So I had to climb into the car from the right and climb over to the driver's seat and *very*, VERY carefully back the car out enough for Mom to be able to get in so she could move the car to where we could get Dad's wheelchair next to it. I was so angry I used my bright red lipstick to write on that other vehicle's windshield just why I was so angry with that driver, starting with "You jerk!"

By Bobbie~moderatr on Sunday, October 7, 2007 - 08:38 am:

Yes, I think it is wrong and I see it all the time. People that jump out of their cars and run into the store and you know there is no way they are having a health issue and they do not need to space. It is rude and I don't think it is enforced enough, so that people realize there is a consequence for doing it.

I have a pet peeve I have picked up recently.. Stores may be handicap accessible at the doors but they aren't wheel chair friendly any where else. The racks are over crowded and it is a struggle to even do simple shopping.. I think that they should regulate the spacing between the racks so that they can't over crowded the departments like they do.

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, October 7, 2007 - 09:06 am:

Bobbie, I know what you mean. When I still used a stroller, it was sometimes hard to get the stroller past the racks, too!

By Colette on Sunday, October 7, 2007 - 09:42 am:

I think it is wrong, actually I think it's illegal, but I am sure she knows it's wrong and is using it for convienence. If you say something be prepared for a bad reaction from both your brother and his girlfriend.

By Cocoabutter on Sunday, October 7, 2007 - 11:16 am:

Ditto, Colette.

There may not be a way to bring this up without getting a defensive response and tee-ing her off. Just be prepared.

By Brandy on Sunday, October 7, 2007 - 01:15 pm:

i hate it too...i also hate when people come into meijer or any other store that has wheelchairs or amigos and use them when they do not need to ...i would love to say something but i don't want to be fired...

By Melanie on Sunday, October 7, 2007 - 09:01 pm:

It is definitely wrong. Ditto Colette and Lisa on getting a defensive reponse, though.

I try not to judge or *look* for the disabled person when people park in those spaces. I had a friend in high school and college who had cancer. She went through radiation which scarred her lungs to the point that she was put on a donor list. She was on an oxygen tank at night. She had a handicap plate and was given looks and received comments from some people who looked at her and saw a young, healthy appearing girl using that spot. Apparently, at first glance, they couldn't tell she was struggling just to breath. Some of the things that were said to her were pretty rude. As if she didn't have enough to deal with.

By Bellajoe on Sunday, October 7, 2007 - 10:11 pm:

That is a huge pet peeve of mine too. Just yesterday when we were walking into a movie theater, we saw two woman in a van. They parked right up there in the handicapped spot. THey both looked completely healthy to me, and were quite able to walk the extra 20 or so feet from a regular there was no handicapped tag on the car.
That's rude and inconsiderate.

By Marcia on Sunday, October 7, 2007 - 10:31 pm:

Melanie, you're right about many people not having visible special needs. When Emily moved in with me, she had tantrums that would last for quite some time, and because she weighed 125 lbs at the time, there was no way I could have carried her any distance back to the car. You might not have noticed her needs if you saw me walking in the mall with her, but they were and are very real. I've also worked with many kids with seizure disorders. After a grand mal seizure, a deep sleep often occurs. Again, it would be way too hard to carry those kids out to the back of the parking lot. Still, I've had parking permits for each of those kids.

There have been many times I've felt guilty using the spots, even though I have kids in chairs, because I can walk and push them. Using regular spots would mean that I wouldn't have enough room to wheel the chair up beside the door, so that I could lift them right out of the chair and into the van. For that reason, I always use the spots when I have the kids with me.

It's true that rude remarks aren't the way to go, but sometimes we're all driven to make them.
I find it much better to educate people, if possible. I had a dad at our school rag out on me for using the only accessible spot at the school. His wife had cancer, and needed the space. She wasn't with him, and I pointed that out. On another occasion, he was angry because I was in the spot and his son had broken his leg. I got out and put Chrissy in her stroller. Just a side note, Chrissy is 13, so her stroller is huge. He told me that THAT WAS NOT A WHEELCHAIR, and pulled out a fold up loaner chair for his son. I took Chrissy into the school, put her in her custom made wheelchair, and wheeled her passed him in the hall. I smiled at him and told him that THIS was a real wheelchair. He almost choked, and he apologized for what he had said. I don't think he ever did that again.

By Emily7 on Monday, October 8, 2007 - 12:32 am:

Shannon I don't mean to sound rude, I do realize that blindness is a handicap, but why does he have a parking permit for it? I guess for me I thought the spots were there for people that couldn't walk the distance, for the vans that have the lifts in them, that sort of thing. I know we had one when my grandmother was dying of cancer, but we only used it when she was with us and going into the store or doctors office.
I hate when people park in the handicap spots that don't need to, in fact I have called the police for it, becuase in Gillette they will be ticketed. I also hate when motorcyclists park in the area that are there for using the lifts to get wheelchairs out.
I do think that bringing it up will only cause problems & for her to get defensive.

By Kaye on Monday, October 8, 2007 - 08:30 am:

Blind people have tags, because when they are taken places, it is awful hard and unsafe for the to manuever the parking lot. It can be like walking with a 150 pound 2 year old who isn't watching for cars.

I have a son with JRZ we have a hang tag with him(actually not right now). But if I pick him up from somewhere I will park in the spot, go in a get him etc. So if someone were to see me, they would think, well, right...but it is legit.

There is a 350 dollar fine to park in a space without a permit. People are just stupid to do so, and it might get them. I will often tell teens that if I see them hanging out at their car.

I have a friend who daughter has CP, she drives a huge lift van (she has 3 other children. Well she mostly tries to not park in the marked spot when she doesn't have her daughter with her, but sometimes she doesn't have an option. You see the van is so wide, and it has double doors to open to get the kids out of the back, that unless there are two spots together, she can't park anywhere, and since we live in houston you never know what traffic is. However I spent most of last week in the hospital and we went out to lunch the next day and it sure was nice for her to park close for me, or I don't think I would have made it.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Monday, October 8, 2007 - 09:01 am:

I agree bringing it up will only cause problems.. She will be defensive as she appears to think it is her right to use the spot, or she wouldn't be using it.

I have fibromyalgia, which zaps my energy and makes shopping very difficult. I started using a wheel chair last winter, when I shop or have to do something that requires a lot of walking (zoo). Prior to getting my chair I seldom left the house (I had given up nearly everything I loved outside of my house), walking takes to much of my energy and I have to conserve my energy or I will actually be down for days after if I don't. I like most people that have fibro do not appear to be sick. On most days, I can get out of my truck, walk around the back, pull out my own chair and get in it. Thus to most I don't need it.. But if you saw me on the days I thought I could go with out it, you would know otherwise. Or during a flare up of symptoms and I am so weak I can't even pick up a glass with out spilling it, you would know differently. But because people don't live with me, I get curious looks when I walk into the store and use a power chair. In some large stores, or if it is just me and one other person and if we have a lot of shopping to do, a power chair is a must. To see me you wouldn't know I have anything wrong with me.. I look strong, I look healthy. I get the most horrible looks from people. I truly wish I didn't need it. I fought using it for quite a while, my pride kept getting in the way but this is one thing about my condition I can't fight. I have two choices, don't leave the house or use a chair. Those are the only choices. If I don't then my family and I pay the price and my pride so is not worth the price I have to pay any more.

However, I do not have a handicapped parking privileges. I have chosen not to apply for them, even though I do qualify because I (once again pride) can get myself through a parking lot at this point. In time, I may have no choice but for now I will compromise and use the chair but I won't take the parking away from someone that needs it more than I do.

So, assuming someone doesn't need a chair or assuming someone isn't handicapped can hurt the person you decide to address. I, like many others, have no choice. I wish it were different but it isn't, this is the life I have been dealt and I am trying to live it the best that I can. I am the person in the power chair that you assume doesn't need it and I don't blame anyone for assuming anything because to look at me (on a good day) you would have no clue I was sick.

I disagree with misusing the parking privileges and the wheel chairs in the store. But it is hard to tell who is sick and who isn't just by looking at a person. Appearances can be misleading.

Sorry about the book.. :(

By Bobbie~moderatr on Monday, October 8, 2007 - 09:08 am:

There is a man that lives in town, he was blinded in Vietnam. He too has a parking tag. I feel the same as Kay. It is hard enough getting a seeing child through a parking lot, I can see the point of a blind person having a parking tag. Trying to physically direct a blind person through a parking lot could be a major hazard for them and yourself. People do not watch for others like they should.

By Emily7 on Monday, October 8, 2007 - 10:58 am:

That makes perfect sense to me & I hope my question didn't offend anyone. Thank you Kaye!

By Shann on Monday, October 8, 2007 - 03:46 pm:

according to my bother I am lying I didn't see what I saw. She would never do that she is a Christian women and wouldnt do anything like that. So I guess I seen a look alike who drives the exact same car with the same license plate with there names on it. So I told my brother that next time I'll let hubby do what he wanted and that was to call the cops and tell them the situation. She never does wrong to him so I will just leave it at that and what comes around goes around

By Dawnk777 on Monday, October 8, 2007 - 04:22 pm:

Or next time keep your camera handy! LOL!

By Wandilu on Monday, October 8, 2007 - 10:37 pm:

Bobbie, I SOOOOOO understand how you feel!! I also have fibromyalgia.I have a hard time, because, like you said, to look at me you would think I'm a healthy over weight person. Most people think, because i'm over weight I'm just too lazy to work, and there is nothing wrong with me.My sister told me "every body hurts ,and has aches and pains. You just have to get over it and go on!" She doesn't see me on the days when I am so exhausted that I can't even get out of bed. And, I have a very good, upbeat personality. I could be a commedian, most of the time!! I'm the person that people call when they are down and need a ,again, they don't see me during the whole day...just that time period that I am "lifting" them up. So, I have had it said" you don't look sick to me!"Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I totally understand you!! I'm very sorry that you have fibro, but it felt good to "connect" with someone :)

Add a Message

This is a private posting area. A valid username and password combination is required to post messages to this discussion.
Post as "Anonymous"