Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive October 2007:
My best friend lost her baby at 16 weeks because of her water breaking prematurely. She has been very depressed here lately thinking" I would have been 7 months" etc, plus she was due at Christmas and all the Christmas stuff is coming out. I had a miscarriage so I've been able to relate to her alot, but since I became pregnant again rather quickly I didn't really experience the pain of my due date coming, since I had something happy to focus on. She had bloodwork done, the doctor said that although this can hapen for no reason, it's possible that one of many protein diseases could have been the cause. The dr made an appointment for her to come discuss the results so it's likely she has something instead of the usual no news is good news. I wish I knew what to say.
In these situations, it is not about saying anything. Simply be there for her and offer your shoulder and ear. Sometimes knowing your friend is there is more comforting than anything else.
The only thing you can say is "I am so very sorry, and I will pray for you, your husband, and your baby." Everything I've read is that women in this situation need, more than anything else, for people to acknowledge their loss and that they lost a baby, not just be silent or act as if nothing really important happened. They don't need "these things happen", "it's not your fault", "when will you try again" - what they need is someone who says you lost your baby and I am so sorry.
I agree with Yvonne and Ginny. Having been there also, I think just being there is the best support you can give. There's nothing you can say really, but you can be there if she needs to talk or needs a shoulder to cry on.
My next-door neighbor lost a baby at 10 weeks, when I was 16 weeks pregnant with Emily. It was so hard. I just listened when she wanted to talk and didn't talk about my upcoming baby at all. I was sad, because it would have been fun to have been pregnant together. She did go on to have another baby about 10 months after Emily was born. It was weird watching her be pregnant, when I wasn't anymore.