Why do people care?
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive August 2007:
Why do people care?
Why do people care so much on how you raise your kids? Is it to make themselves look better?
Faith is 3, she is not potty trained. SO WHAT?? Why is it such a big deal to other people that she is not potty trained? I do not ask anybody to buy her diapers. I do not ask anybody else to change her diapers. She does not go to daycare, we have no babysitters. So nobody is changing her except me and my husband?
I do not complain about her not being potty trained. I potty trained my other 2 kids. I am truely not worried. Why does it bother other people so much then?
I even let her use a paci for bedtime only. So what? Why do people have to say "Oh I never let little Susie have a pacifier" Or "Little Susie was potty trained at 2"...
I do not ask for advice on these issues, and I do not complain. When people find out our dirty little secrets LOL... that Faith is still in diapers, or uses a paci, why is such a big deal?
I DONT GET IT!
I agree. I don't know why when it comes to raising children people feel compelled to comment instead of keeping their opinions to themselves like they might on another topic that is none of their business. My older 2 kids are 1 year, 1 day apart in age. Believe me, I heard more than my fair share of "you know, scientists have figured out what is causing that now" or "you know birth control has been invented". It got really old really fast. Or since I was young I was automatically some statisitc which couldn't have been further from the truth. I have a friend who is breastfeeding her 15month old. Would that be for me? No, but it's her boobs and her kid.
My son and older daughter were 3 and a half before they were potty trained, not that you need reassurance. My grandmother didn't understand why they weren't potty trained by 1 like her kids were and I said that explained a lot about my dad's attitude,lol! The trick is finding something to say back to people without making you the rude one and making them realize how out of line they are. Do you think most people are rude, or are you discussing parenting in general and they are just saying what it is they do? For me, 1 or 2 rude people make me a little extra sensitive, so I just thought I'd ask. Good luck.
Here's my theory:
There are a lot of people out there that need validation from other people. It makes them feel good if they can "1 up" you. It's the same people that's always comparing their kids to everyone else's.
I hear it a lot too, about still being in diapers, and Raya just turned 2! When someone makes a comparison comment, I just smile and say "lucky you"! and go about my business.
Rayelle, little dd is not potty trained and she is almost two & a half. I am not planning on forcing the issue with her. When she's ready, she's ready. Then it will be easier for me to help her. But if she's not mentally ready, then I am not going to force her. We do have certain things we do that help encourage her to sit on the potty, like a certain toy she can play with only when she is on the potty and a certain book, etc..., but we don't force the issue. I have a friend who thinks she should be potty trained already but I just listen to her and then go on.
I think some people do feel the need to "1 up", but mostly, in my case, they either were trying to offer advice but it came out wrong and their intentions really were good, or, they just thought they were the best parents and felt qualified to make remarks.
I'm not one to talk. Mine were both 3-1/2, when they potty-trained. It drove my mom nuts, but I didn't feel like pushing it. When it was done, it was done and there were very few accidents.
"Lucky you!" sounds like a wonderful response to some of those comments!
I just did what felt comfortable for me! My SIL suggested that I put Emily on the potty, when I could see she was pooping. Okay, so I tried it one day. Nothing happened until I put her diaper back on. Oh well. She certainly didn't go to kindergarten in diapers.
I agree with the others. I think people are sometimes trying to validate what THEY do with THEIR children and it's at the expense of someone else. Also, sometimes I think it's an off way of bragging on their own children. "If I act appalled that your child isn't potty trained at 2 when mine is, then mine looks better than yours", you know? That kind of thing.
I have a friend that bugs me about why Natalie is not night potty-trained and quite frankly, not really nap-trained either. SHE'S NOT READY!!! Regardless of what measures I take to help her not pee while sleeping, she still pees 3 lbs at night, hence she's not ready. This isn't a competition for heaven's sake! People should just think before they speak.
Everyone has an opinion about everything. You know what they say about opinions.  Try not to let it get to you. You're doing what's best for you and your family.
I find it interesting that the very same people who judge and compare are the very ones who have guilt issues on another subject matter that...hhhmmm...for some reason they don't bring up? I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that the person who said that to you has/had some sort of "issue" with their kid(s).
Every parent has a hot button. For me, it's Connor's picky eating habits...for another it's their child's sleeping habits, or (in your case) potty training. It's just "different", in their eyes only, and it's sad that people can't just keep their mouth shut.
If we're not worried about it, why should others? I once had a mother give me this "oh, your son doesn't eat like mine" look and I could have knocked her silly had she asked another question. My son will eat whole wheat bread and cheese, but just not in a sandwich-type setting. He likes them separate. She had the nerve to say, "Have you tried saying "no, honey, this is how we eat a sandwich"?
Uh....yeah....I felt like saying, "Do you know my son?" (She had just met us and 5 minutes into it, she commented on him not eating the pizza or sandwiches.)
Anyway, I believe that kids grow up despite of us and they all have their own little timeline. I'm enjoying some of Connor's quirks, actually, because there will be a day when all he wants is steak and then I'll be complaining that I'm broke!
And, to be in your corner, sometimes it's just easier when they're in diapers and it's not worth the push. You know your child best!
I totally agree, we all learn at our own pace, when we good and ready, comfortable, adults and children. When he/she is ready to use the pottey you will know, and it will be so easier to train and help them learn the proper way, because they will feel comfortable with it it's not forced upon them.
A lot of my friend's and cousins got there drivers license at at 16, 17, 18 . I was 21 before I felt comfortable enough to go for mines and you know I got it on the first try I was so confident and relaxed with myself. So yes it is irrating and yes it can make us want to scream but as far as others making comments about someone's else kids thats been going on since before my time and will continue to go on. What can you do? Ignore it, I like the suggession that you say oh good /lucky for you in a way not to sound snotty but to let them know that there comment was not wanted.
Heidi..Faith is an extremely picky eater as well. She does not eat a whole lot of anything. That normally does not come up, because I suppose a lot of people dont really ever see her eat?
The other thing that people don't know about(Another dirty little secret LOL)I still hold Faith until she falls asleep for naps and bedtime. She knows how to sleep on her own. When my husband puts her to bed , she lays right down and goes to sleep.
Its just mine and Faiths "thing". People use to tell me that was a bad habit to get into...so again I say SO WHAT!!!
Lol Jackie, I agree, so what! I used to lay down and cuddle up with my older 2 for naps and bedtime all of us at the same time. To me it was more important to get some sleep and I enjoyed it. When the time came, they slept on their own no problem. My yongest and I did the same at naps, but she liked going to bed when her siblings did. Motherhood is so guilt ridden no matter what it's best just to do what you think is right for you and yours. But I know how it feels when others can get under your skin.
My DS didn't potty train until 4 and sucked his fingers until 7. DD is a grazer. Doesn't eat much at meals but eats healthy snacks throughout the day. I've gotten lots of comments but just smile and let them slide. I know my kids best and have learned to trust my mommy instincts, regardless of what others say.
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