Venting---gifts
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive August 2007:
Venting---gifts
This is a busy birthday time in my family. We have several birthdays in a row. Mine is next week. It really bothers me that everyone seems to buy eachother gifts but for me I always get sent a check. Both my parents and hubby's parents sent me checks. Now, they do not do it to anyone else....just me. I don't get it.
My mom started hinting a month ago that she wanted an expensive Vera Bradley purse. OK, I bought it for her. She was thrilled. I hinted that I would like a stained glass magazine (with-in her budget) but no I get a check.
I know I am being petty. It just really feels like no one wants to take the time to do something nice for me. It is so easy to simply write a check.
Anyone else hate getting checks/cash as gifts?
Yvonne, I am sorry you are feeling this way. I would be hurt too, if somebody couldn't take the time to pick out a gift like they do for the rest of the family.
Honestly Yvonne, you have it much better then most. I do not get any type of gift for my birthday(also an August birthday  ). My parents send me a card each year, there is never money or a gift. My in laws send a card, again no money or gift.I dont remember the last time my parents got me a gift, probably when I was a child. They do other things for me such as buy things for my kids, buy most of their school clothes etc...pay for all meals and such when we visit them.
Do you send them gifts?
It would bother me less, if that was what they did for everyone else.
I hate getting $ and I never use it to buy myself something. It will usually go toward a bill or something.
No I dont send them gifts for their birthday, just cards. For Mothers day and Fathers day I send my parents a small gift.
I wish I could go to sending cards only (and just receive a card in return). I send gifts for birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, & various other holidays.
I don't give gifts to get a gift but it gets ridiculous when I put a lot of time and effort into gift giving and those around me simply send a check.
I just feel unappreciated.
Oh-- I hate birthdays! 
Yvonne, I SO know how you feel. My mom started doing that to me when I was like, 12 y/o! She'd give me money and when I got to be 17 or 18 y/o, she started giving me checks. I always felt like there was absolutely NO thought or effort. Of course, at one point in my life, I appreciated getting the money. LOL But once I had 4 kids to raise, it always went to something the kids needed, or the house. And she STILL gave me checks, with a note *spend this on YOU*. Of course, I never did. :-(
And like you, I'd hint and hint. She did this to my kids too, once they passed the age of maybe 10 (?).
I always felt like my birthday was an afterthought. Her reasoning was *I don't know what you want/need, this way you can get what you want.* What I wanted was for her to surprise me, pick something out for me.
Oldest DD Jules told me years ago that she hated getting money/checks for birthday/Christmas, that she much preferred getting a *real* gift, because it meant she was *worth the effort*, even if it was something she had to return. I started getting her personal things that I knew she wouldn't/couldn't spend the money on for herself. Her favorite place to receive gifts from was, and still is Victoria's Secret. Now I often give her gift cards to several stores, but that is because she has since told me that's what she wants now.
I know what you mean about feeling unappreciated. I'm sorry you're feeling that way now. Happy Birthday, anyway!!!!!!
sorry to hear that Yvonne. My mother used to send me checks, as well as a gift or two, for birthdays and holidays, only because she didn't know what stores we had available, but always included a disclaimer about using it to buy myself something or treat myself to something. Not very personal, I know. I agonize over gifts to give loved ones, but I can understand where a monetary gift is handy. Oddly enough, even a gift card seems more personal than a check!!
What have we always been told? "It's the thought".
I think that's what we all want, and crave.
Yvonne, if I recall, you like to make gifts for some of your loved ones? You understand about the "thought". The time and attention and effort. I can see why this is hard for you. I worked in a gift shop for years before Lara came along. We put extra effort in the gift wrapping. Beautiful wrappings, ribbons, scented tissue in the box. More than once, customers would come in and say they received a gift wonderfully wrapped from our shop. They'd share how special it made them feel, that the wrapping itself made them feel good. I think we all need to feel special at times. It just seems to dwindle as we get older, doesn't it? Yet, I think more than ever, we need it.:-)
I think you nailed it.
I DO believe it is the thought that counts.
I put a lot of thought into all the gifts I give. Receiving a check, to me, seems like no thought was given. It is an easy way out.
I know some of my feelings go deeper than adulthood (I do not have a lot of happy birthday memories).
I can sympathize. My birthday is actually today, so August, which was a bad time the first few years we were married. My dh had a commission based job and things were tight in the summer especially with 2 babies. I think I had some shopping sprees and then returned everything to get the money to pay a bill maybe 3 years in a row before I started just paying bills. Now, my husbands birthday is right after Christmas when things are better, so even though petty it did seem unfair. My in-laws, who practically live at my house give me the same thing every year, an apology. "sorry I didn't get you anything, but I don't have any money. I'll catcha next payday" on their way out to dinner. My sister in law got me a magazine subscription, and sent me the bill!!! My parents usually get me something weird, like Christmas ornaments. I should tell everyone never mind. I do get something for everyone of these people, but now that I think abut it I wonder why. The curse of being nice I guess!
Well idf anyown is sendign me anythgin it is me sending it to myself. My mother passed away 6 years ago beign an only child. thats lef time alone. I used to celebrate adn gift gifts for every holiday, birthday, schristmas, what ever if it was a holiday on the calander then I gave a gift, nto o ly to the kid sbut to there parents, to there siblings that whee nto related but because they would be there when his/her sibling opended there fgift.
Mother's Day, even after my own mother have departed this life , I gave every other female in ym life that was a mom a gift, my aunts, there daughters, my daughter's grandmother her aunt, my gd's mother, girlfriends, you get the idea, smae for Valentines, Easter you name it.
And liek someone mentioned above you dont' give gifts to get a gift in return, but ti would have been nice to get a card, or have my kids get somethign , so for 10 years when it was just me and ym dd thats how I was, I havd my son and I cut out birthdays, and other holidays ( this was a known fact) everyone know and probaley understood why I did it.
But Christmas was and still is my holiday , but after last year, again gifts for everyone, the kids got the mom's got, is mon had a boyfriend and thye where comign they got somthing. i did get 10 dollars in a box this time and my kids got 1 thing each compatred to my 8 to 12 gifts per child and we are talking about at least 12 kids and not to count the adults.
I have been exchangign gifts with my gs mother for the past 9 years and each years its' the same this she tells me what he wants, he has a older sister so I buty her the smae aobmount of gift that i buy him and she has a 2 year old so thats another child on my list.This past Christmas she came to my hosue to pick up her gifts and she gave my 2 year old the dancing spiderman and my daughter30 dollars in a card. Now she was emailing me and saying the boys want this and that and what do your ikids wnat , lets jsut say i got what she todl me.
She left my house after giving my kids that with 2 boxes ( they wanted spiderman scooters) an d4 shoppign bags. Again it's nto the gift but the thought , but I felt so used and lired too and jjust ugh.
I knwo that i've gone on and on and I'm sorry, I've debated and still am if I wnat to do christmas this year with other , btu I knwthink that I'll still host the annual Christams dinner at my hose as usual but I paln on fdiffiantly stickign to my limit of 1 gift person.
My daughter wnats a lap top. and my 3 yo knwos how to use a computer alos to paly gmaes, so if I take my list of 60 + and get just one gift , then I can afford to get my daughter of the the new cool dell laptops and get my son a cheaper oen adn still get my own and buy her a playstation 2. and thats waht I plan to do this year .
For me, I look at it differently. They think enough of me to let me go out and get what I really want, rather than what they think I may want.
I love getting checks and cash - much better than an actual present that I usually don't need and will return if I can.
Just feel appreciated that you do get a gift and an acknowledgment of your special day!
Happy Belated ...
Ame
Well...I decided to get off my butt and buy myself a gift
I found an outdoor fireplace on clearance (saved over $100!) and I bought it!
That is my gift from everyone (purchased with their checks).
I rarely buy myself things. My hubby is always on my case about that. I will NOT say I like checks but I am glad I made myself purchase something with the $. At least now I feel like I actually received a gift.
My birthday *officially* is on Thursday. The kids and I are going to make smores on the fireplace
Seee! Checks are good . You can put them all together and get yourself something big - like you did!
My mom gave me money for Christmas and so did my in-laws. I bought the most incredible antique necklace that I never could have otherwise.
Enjoy your fireplace and your birthday!
Ame
Enjoy your fireplace!
Good for you, Yvonne! Maybe your parents know you don't often purchase things for yourself, so they figure a check would be really good. And I don't imagine they want you to spend it on bills.:-)(But, don't we all do this at times.) I think it's good we learn to pamper ourselves.
Well, I hope we get to see a photo of you and your dks enjoying your new outdoor fireplace! Birthday smores sound great!
Thats wonderful that you found something that you liked, I hope you enjoy your smores.
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