what are your expectations on feeding them?

I have a little girl I've been watching for almost a year. From the get go I told the mom she needed to provide her own food (I've had too many kids not like what is served while visiting and didn't want that to happen ALL DAY).

So anyway, she sends this child with canned condensed SOUP! applesauce, jello, pudding, yogurt, chef boy ardee nasty stuff w/ red sauce....I think you can guess where I am going with this. And the foods that are not very wet are never cut to the proper size, like uncut grapes. And snacks? Yogos, LAFFY TAFFY! cheetos and other things I can't think of. Oh, and the child turned two this week and doesn't use a spoon, she uses her hands on everything, and when she does use the spoon it is never a sure thing.

So those who feed children in their care, do you have rules like "finger foods", cut to size if choking hazzard or anything like that?

And this baby comes to my house in just the CUTEST little clothes....which is so difficult to keep clean during feeding. I hate cleaning up after her. She is SO incredibly messy. And the foods are no help.

Pretty much I don't feed her many of the items the moms sends...like pudding and sometimes the soup or other canned messy stuff if she has other options. When possible I feed the child from our food choices but she doesn't like home made foods, at least not ours. She is all processed foods.

You would think after seeing can after can and cup after cup of unopened messy food items the mom would realize these are not good choices for a baby that cant use a spoon yet. I have even expressed my "eww factor" about feeding her those messy red sauce canned goods and my concerns for keeping her nice clothes clean. I've never given her "rules" on food since I do require she supplies her own. But OHHHH it is so gross to feed this child and I just hate what the chair and floor looks like when she is done.

She does have many finger food items that she likes, but these messy things are always in the bag.

Can you tell we just finished dinner?

By Sandysmom on Thursday, August 9, 2007 - 08:01 pm:

I recently put little dd in half day - 2 days a week daycare, and I started out sending in food for her, but then she always wanted what the daycare lady's kids were having, so now, I pay her extra to feed my dd and that works out great. Do you think you could try that in this situation? Does she show interest in what your kids are eating? I can understand your concerns, and Laffy Taffy? Wow! Do you feel comfortable talking with this lady? Maybe you could tell her that you prefer non red sauce food. Good luck.

By Colette on Thursday, August 9, 2007 - 08:40 pm:

When I did daycare, Massachusetts has a Food program through the child welfare department. I have to supply them with a 30 day menu of what I was going to feed the kids for snacks, lunch and dinner - they usually had breakfast before they came - and they reimbursed me.

By Cat on Thursday, August 9, 2007 - 10:25 pm:

I'm enrolled in the USDA food program and have menus for all our meals throughout the day (breakfast, lunch and a morning and afternoon snack). I do not allow children/parents to bring food into my home, unless it's for a special occasion like a birthday or holiday party. The kids either eat what I serve, when I serve it, or they get crackers and a "Sorry you don't like this meal, maybe you'll like the next one better". I'm not a short order cook and don't have time to cater to each individual child's tastes, likes and dislikes. I did have one little guy that started out with me bringing twinkies in at 7am. I put a stop to that REALLY quickly. I would gently take it out of his hand and give it to the adult that was with him (usually grandma or aunt) and tell little guy, "They'll hold that for you until they pick you up". They kept that up for a couple weeks until they realized I wasn't going to budge. They may still give them to him, but they don't let him bring them in anymore. Oh, and this may be a bit vindictive, but on the days they did that to me, I'd sugar him up about 1/2 hour before they'd pick him up. He was HORRIBLE those mornings and I wasn't going to take that! lol I haven't had any problems for months (he's been here for just a little over a year now). Good luck with this little one. I know it's nice not having to provide food for other people's children, but like you're finding out it brings it's own problems, too. Hugs

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, August 9, 2007 - 11:17 pm:

She doesn't use a spoon? Both of my kids were good with spoons, by two. They both learned, in their 1yo year.

That does sound like messy stuff. What about cut-up pieces of string cheese. That would be a lot easier for her to pick up.

By Cocoabutter on Friday, August 10, 2007 - 12:27 am:

This was one thing I hated about doing daycare. (I did in home daycare for 4 years until my son was 5.) It is frustrating when you see dim-witted parents who don't use common sense with regard to preparing their kids for the future. The purpose of everything we should be doing as parents is to prepare our children to be self-sufficient later on, which includes eating right and teaching them how to use a spoon. This isn't a behavior that comes naturally. It has to be taught and encouraged.

Unfortunately, it falls on you the caregiver to take up the slack where the parent fails. I know it's frustrating, but it's all or nothing. Using utensils is always a clumsy task for the little ones at first, but as you work with her, she'll get the hang of it.

I am pretty much with Cat. I would also not give her food choices. It's so much easier when you can just fix one meal and feed everybody the same thing at one time. She'll eat what you eat, or she'll go without. She'll get hungry enough and she'll eat. It may start slow at first, and she may go home hungry for a few days, but you'll just have to put in some extra effort with her and help her to like the home made foods you fix.

I would provide the food myself and raise the daycare fees to cover the expense and ask that the mom provide a "messy outfit" for eating. If you decide, you can change her into the messy outfit for the day, and send her home in her nice clothes. You should plan on keeping the messy outfit and throwing it in the wash occasionally since if you send it home with the mother, there is no telling if you'll get a messy outfit again the next day.

Cat, I did the same thing with a baby bottle that you did with the Twinkie. This boy was 3 years old and was dropped off every morning with a baby bottle of chocolate milk. And he was chronically constipated and still in diapers, even when he left my daycare at 4 years old. Go figure.

By Dana on Friday, August 10, 2007 - 07:48 pm:

Well, I don't do "day care" I'm just babysitting for someone who needed someone for the longer than allowed hours (she's a 12 hr shift nurse). And her little one was seriously ill for her first year of life due to being in the daycare that is used by the hospital.

So I don't do all the stuff that is required for formal inhouse day care. I don't have her every day.

And there is no way I could feed this child. She eats like a horse! She is not over weight or anything like that but can really put it away. Even after she goes home at night she eats another dinner. Plus she doesn't eat home cooked food. I have offered it when she is still hungry or when I don't want to open that icky can of soup, but she just wont eat it.

For my own kids, I can handle them not eating and saying "well that's all you get" but for her, I don't have her often enough to make her change her ways. And she is way to hungry to make her miss her food.

So should I let the mom know I really need more finger eating friendly food?

By Dawnk777 on Friday, August 10, 2007 - 09:53 pm:

I think I would! It would make your life easier.

By Karen~admin on Saturday, August 11, 2007 - 09:13 am:

Yes, I would do that too! You know, you are not obligated to accommodate her........in reality, SHE needs YOU, right? So, since you are a hard working mom too, she should try to plan her child's meals with simplicity and ease and practicality in mind (I see *nutrutional value* is unfortunately not her biggest concern. She's setting her child up for a lifetime of weight/health issues, but that is a whole other post!) What have you got to lose? I would definitely tell her that, and if she chooses to go find someone else, well then, so be it.

By Dana on Saturday, August 11, 2007 - 07:40 pm:

Okay. I will tell her next time. I just felt wrong in saying something since I don't supply the food and require her to do so. I thought I would be pushing it too hard if I then told her what types of foods were allowed...or not allowed is more the issue.

By Ginny~moderator on Sunday, August 12, 2007 - 07:30 am:

I think you have every right to tell the mom what kinds of food to supply and what kinds are not acceptable. Or, the mom can pay you extra to feed her child and the child can either eat what you serve or, as Cat and Lisa advise, eat crackers. I certainly would not allow a 2 year old to decide what she will or won't eat, not when the child is in my house. Sounds to me like the mom is taking advantage of you and the daughter will follow in her footsteps.

By Dana on Sunday, August 12, 2007 - 11:44 am:

Ginny, I don't think it is a matter of "taking advantage" I think the mom is just clueless. I mean LAFFY TAFFY! What is she thinking? Plus the mom is not someone who cooks dinners at her own house.

I've mentioned the mess she makes or how strange it is to give a baby certain foods. But I've never come right and said anything about health issues (I did comment on choking before) and the time and effort it takes to clean up after a meal. We'll see what happens. If I can muster up the voice to say something.