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Abortion...... (A Personal Story)

Moms View Message Board: The Kitchen Table (Debating Board): Abortion...... (A Personal Story)
By Boxzgrl on Sunday, September 14, 2003 - 09:10 pm:

Okay, this might be a bit long so sorry ahead of time and thanks for any advice.......

My brother is a recent gay turned straight, maybe bi-sexual type of guy. He doesn't know where hes going in life and still dates other men for a place to live, $ etc. (You catch my drift?) Basically, hes a loser. Sure he's my brother but its true.

Anyways, he recently started dating a girl about 2 months ago who already has a 4 year old daughter (Shes 20!). He started sleeping with her and asked my Mom (she works with her) to ask her if she is taking birth control. Don't you think that would have been talked about previous to engaging in sexual activity? And isn't that a question HE should ask? Well he made a comment to my mom that if she ever were to become pregnant he would just make her get an abortion. Well, hmmmm......she shows up 2 days ago pregnant!!!!

He talked her into setting up an appointment with Planned Parenthood to get an abortion Tuesday. My Mom says shes thinking of keeping it in order to keep my brother in her life but my brother doesnt know it yet. So, the decision isnt fully made yet.

IMO, I think she should keep the baby because my brother really does need a reality check. But in another sense, its not fair to bring a baby into this world already in a broken home and messed up life. My brother would never marry her. Im sooo annoyed and I dont even know if its any of my business to get involved or even be annoyed about it. After all, it is my niece or nephew he's trying to kill.

* What is your opinion about this?? I've always hated this subject and here it sits right in front of my face.....

By Jewlz on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 12:51 am:

we have a situation sorta similar to this in our life ... daughters friend is pregnent .... anyways i was always against abortion well less it was rape ect ...she has considered it. but decided against it and searched for a adoptive mother found one and is going to give it up ... as for ur brother ... most men wont wake up even with a baby on the way ... as u said he is a looser and this wont open his eyes ... he needs to get his life together before he has a kid . as for her she is wrong to want to keep him in her life like a noose over his head just cuz she likes him yes its his and her responsiblity to have the talk about contraception before u have sex duh ... sounds like he is more horny than he is responsible ...thinkin with his uummm well u know what i mean ... she dont sound to smart either tryin to trap him ... sorry im just thinking out loud and ramblin ..this gets under my skin .... they both need to grow up and realize what they are dealin with its a real life BABY!!!

By Hol on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 01:29 am:

If keeping your brother around is her motivation for having the baby, she's setting herself AND the baby, up for HURT. Your Mom SHOULD talk to her, tho, about giving the baby up for adoption. It isn't the baby's fault that she/he was concieved by two immature people. But that baby has been conceived for a reason and DESERVES to live. There is a WAITING list for couples who would give that little sweetie a loving home; and with new, open adoption laws, it's possible that you could STILL be involved with the child.
It also seems that a FEW questions should have been asked before these two hooked up. If he is "prostituting" himself to men for "a place to live," and money, then he AND his girlfriend should be tested for STD's AND HIV!

By Feonad on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 06:38 am:

I don't have a brother... So I don't know if I would tell her she is in Love with a gay man....

I am afraid in any other situation I probably would tell her she is in love with a gay man, because I would hate it if she got AIDs and I didn't tell her...

I might drop her a note anonymously. I would be a bad sister right?

Hard question...

By Ginny~moderator on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 06:47 am:

If she doesn't already know your brother's history and lifestyle, she needs to. If for no other reason - if she decides not to have an abortion (her choice) and he is still intimate with other people (male or female) she runs the risk of getting infected and infecting the baby. So, I don't think you would be a bad sister for telling her - if she doesn't already know. Rather, I would think you are a responsible person who is concerned about consequences, even if your brother isn't.

As for keeping the baby to keep your brother - bad news. He is unlikely to be much of a parent in any way, and the birth of a child is unlikely to make any difference.

As for whether she decides to have an abortion - that is or should be her choice, not his. If she decides to continue the pregnancy, she should (should but probably won't) take every possible step to ensure that neither she nor the baby gets infected.

By Feonad on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 08:32 am:

I doubt she will protect herself. Some people when in love forget reason.

By Boxzgrl on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 10:37 am:

Thanks for the input. She knows nothing about my brother other lifestyle and he has no plans to tell her. He has never been tested for any type of disease and I wouldnt be surprised if he had something. I dont even share drinks w/ family members who share things with him. I do wish I had some way to get ahold of her but we have never met and I really know nothing about her. I told my mom she needs to stay involved but my brother told her to stay out of it. My response to her, "Stay out of it!! If he's going to act like a child, he does need mommy there to make decisions for him!" I would definitely agree with adoption, especially in their case.

P.S. I like to hear both sides of this story so even if you just have to vent about your perspective, go ahead!

By Cheerymom on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 05:04 pm:

Hi! This is my first post, and maybe not the best to start with, but here goes. I'm Pro-Choice, so I think it is completely up to her if she wants an abortion. I also don't think your brother could "make" her get one unless she is so unsure of her own value that she would allow someone else (yes, even the father) to make a discision like this for her. I also hate the idea of anyone holding a baby over anyone else's head as a reason to stay. That to me also screams insecurity. I think before even thinking about abortion/adoption/whatever it should be brought to her attention that she is a worthwhile individual with a life-altering decision to make. Because believe it or not, a second child is just as life-altering as the first. AND, though I have no problem with homosexual/bisexual people, she should know. My sister dated a bisexual boy who did not tell her and when it finally came into the open, it was a slap in the face becuase while she was thinking house and curtains, he was thinking both sides of the fence, if you get what I mean. Basically, even if the baby made him mature and stay with her(i'm sorry, but that's doubtful) even if, is he going to be able to commit to no more guys? I don't want to judge your brother, but she deserves to know all info before she makes a decision that will affect so many, and possibly makes it on falsely assumed ideas. OH! And tests all around, please!

By Kittycat_26 on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:28 am:

What a lousy situation. I don't know what to even think about this one and I'm usually pretty opinionated about this issue.

My brother went throught he immaturity much like it sounds your brother is. I can tell you that 4 different girls had babies trying to "keep" him around and each of them now has a baby but not my brother. (Kudos to each of the girls for suing him for child support! He pays out the nose for each of these kids.)

Maybe this girl is just not sure she is pro-choice and saying that her reason is to "keep" your brother is her easy answer to not having an abortion.

Just a thought.

By Boxzgrl on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 10:54 am:

I agree a little with everyones opinions.
Cheerymom- I'm against abortion personally for myself but I dont feel it is my decision to tell other people whether or not its okay for them to have one. Thats a decision they'll have to live with. (my best friend still goes to major counseling for the abortion she had almost 5 years ago!) Anyways, your definitely right about the insecurities of the girl because that is exactly how she is. I also pretty much know that he would turn out to be a dead beat father, just like our father was. Its just a sad situation all around where there just is no happy ending.

And you all can probably understand now why I dont mind living 3 hours away from my family! :)

By Marg on Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 12:59 pm:

Just think of how all of you felt when you were pregnant and had the baby. I agree that children are conceived as a gift from God. If she doesn't want the baby, put it up for adoption. Thousands of loving couples can not have babies.... Make this a gift to someone else. Too many lives are taken each year... If it is a matter of money. People will pay for this woman to not only have the child but the medical bills as well:)

By Tonya on Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 01:29 pm:

Everyone has their own opinions on things like this here is my view. She did the deed as did he so for me the choice is simple have the baby. If they do not want it as Marg said give it up. There are way too many couples out there who want a baby but cannot have one.

To me abortion is something for only those who did not choose to even have sex let alone face the chance of having a baby. Rape.

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