A friend of mine is going to start TTC in the next few months. They have one child that is 17mths. When she told me they were getting ready to start trying, she also said that she wasn't ready at all but that they wanted their children to be close in age.

What do you all think of this? Just curious, because I don't think that alone is a good reason to have another child. Shouldn't you *want* and desire to have another BABY, not just fulfill an age difference requirement? I'm not saying it's not ONE good reason to have another baby, but her negativity towards it tells me that she isn't really ready yet.

Thoughts?? When you chose to have a second child (or more) what was your motivation?

By Emily7 on Saturday, September 10, 2005 - 09:35 pm:

My motivation was because I WANTED another child. I agree, you should want to have another child, not just have it because you want them close in age. If she feels she isn't ready, how will that affect the way she feels towards this new baby.

By Karen~moderator on Saturday, September 10, 2005 - 09:47 pm:

I don't think anyone should have a child unless they really WANT one. Period. I always wanted 3, but Jen was not a planned pregnancy. I would have timed mine between 2 and 3 years apart if I'd had the choice. But I got pregnant and they are 15 months apart and I was happy about it. Never did get the opportunity to have #3, but I inherited the 2 older ones, so I really have 4 anyway! LOL

By Crystal915 on Saturday, September 10, 2005 - 09:59 pm:

I would have preferred my kids be close in age, but divorce and remarriage threw a wrench in the plans. Still, we waited until recently to start TTC, because being ready mentally (and financially) for another child was more important to us than the age difference between kids. So, I agree, timing ISN'T everything in this case.

By Missmudd on Saturday, September 10, 2005 - 10:10 pm:

If you are TTC just so that you can keep them close in age I dont that that is a good idea.

I had my guys 5 years apart, then 3 years, then 4 years. I dont have the problems with sibling rivalry that I see sometimes, never had 2 in diapers. I have been going to parent teacher conferences and band concerts for the last 12 years and have another 14 more years to go. (oh now I am depressed lol).

IMO if you are not happy about conceiving the stress of having 2 babies at once will make it seem like NO FUN.

By My3cuties on Saturday, September 10, 2005 - 10:42 pm:

That was one reason we decided to have Lauren, but not the only. I am so glad we had her. I always have and always will have baby fever!, when my girls start walking and talking and give up the bottle (or breast) I get antsy and start wanting another. Hopefully I will make it past Lauren's first birthday and beyond this time. It has just always worked out to where when my kids turn 1, I end up pregnant. Your friend may not want to be strapped down in between children, KWIM? (like one in school and then starting over again with the whole thing)

I am glad now that I have all my children, but if I have another 5 years down the road, I wouldn't mind it at all.

By Kaye on Saturday, September 10, 2005 - 11:41 pm:

The transition from one to two is tough. I don't think many people are really ready for number 2, when you start putting it on paper it never really makes sense! Kids are expensive and tough and a huge lifestyle change. I think if you decide to have a 2nd and are a little nervous about it, then you are normal. When I got pg with my 3rd I was devastated. We had talked about having one, we talked about timing and we on paper decided that now was NOT the time. I found out about a month later that i was about 8 weeks pg. WHO KNEW?!?! I cried and cried, it just wasn't going to be okay. But ya know at about 8 months pregant I finally got excited and he has been such a blessing to me and our family. So, the point of my babblings is this, sometimes we say things that we dont' really mean, or can't fully express. But having another child really is wonderful, no matter what you said or thought. Really most people don't regret having another one.

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, September 11, 2005 - 12:41 am:

I wanted mine to be about 2 years apart. As it worked out, they are about 2-1/2 years apart. At 17 months, I wasn't ready, either! LOL! Although, I think if it had happened, I would have been okay.

My sister and I are 15 months apart, so I don't ever remember a time I didn't have a sister around!

By Coopaveryben on Sunday, September 11, 2005 - 02:29 pm:

I wasn't ready for number 3 but we loved him the same and couldn't be happier that he is part of our family.
The second child is different for each family. Some like for them to be close in age so that they can build a bond and to go through the same stages together. Other people want a gap between them so they can better handle each child and focus more on the children. It is whatever works best for your family. It sounds to me like they know what they want but the thought of a new baby (especially with a 17month old) can be exhausting.