Its a shame
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive August 2005:
Its a shame
My parents are in town visiting. They see my kids on average of twice a year. They get so annoyed with the 2 older kids, they are 11 and 6. Ok, I "think" they are normal, they do the common fighting/bickering between themselves. I can see the look of annoyance on their face though, and it makes me sad  ...
Now dont get me wrong,they love their grandkids, but they seem to have no patience. Maybe because they are older, 71,and 73 it came with age. I dont know. My 11 yr old son, gets sad when he sees his grandparents get so upset with his behavior. We have talked to the kids about their behavior all the time. My kids are not out of control, they are kids. Even with their grandparents in town, they still seem to forget how they should act.
It makes me sad as well as they are getting older, and only see the kids twice a year, yet I can see the look of annoyance on them.
My aunt is here, her first trip here. Im glad she is here, she is very young at heart, although she is older then my mother. She is the one who wants to come and go and see things, just not sit around. My parents(expecially my mother)doesnt want to do alot of walking(she has hip problems). When my kids suggest something for us to do, my mother makes negative comments that she is not doing whatever. I can understand completely when you live in daily pain, but I think there is also a right way to talk to the kids as to not let them think their ideas are bad.
Last night after dinner, my parents went back to their hotel room. We took my aunt down to the boardwalk and spent over 2 hours walking around, looking in shops, listening to the street music, and stopping for icecream. The kids all behaved themselves, there was no yelling and bickering, and everybody had a good time. Yet, my parents chose to not to go. It almost makes me feel guilty for enjoying my aunts company more then my parents.
Yeah, it's just "different strokes for different folks"...and, if you keep kids busy, they tend to not bicker, etc. Makes sense. They had lots of energy at that age (but I'm sure they don't remember) and it's difficult when you're older (pardon me), but your needs are different.
Sorry you are going through this...it's just the difference in age, I think. You get into a rut, a pattern of habits at a certain age if that's their personality. But, it is good that they can see them that much! Connor doesn't get to see his grandparents but maybe once a year!!
And, what a wonderful example for your kids...your aunt can show them that you can still have fun at that age if you're physically able to!!
Maybe there are some things that they could do around the house that would allow for the grandparents to spend some quality time with the kids, yet keep them active? Cooking together? Do a fun puzzle?
Jackie, do NOT feel guilty for having a good time with your aunt! Your parents CHOSE not to go. Is there any way you can rent a wheelchair for your mom if she has hip problems, so she can be included in these type outings?
I don't know what to say about their patience though. That is somewhat of a downer when they are spending time with your kids. Have you sat down and talked to them about it? Maybe you should - tell them that your kids are just normal kids, tell them that it upsets you that they appear to not enjoy being around them because of their impatience/annoyance. And make some suggestions as to how they can talk to the kids. Just say something like *Mom, I know you have pain and walking aggravates it for you, but the kids are excited to see you and want to do things with you, and when you tell them no that way, they feel like their ideas are bad, which they aren't. Could you maybe just tell them *that sounds like a great plan, but I won't be able to join you*.*
I don't know how your relationship with your parents is. I know that my mom was always the same way your mom is when it came to going places/doing things - and she never went. And I offered to rent a wheelchair so she could go, and she never would do that either. Sad on 2 counts - both she AND the kids missed out on a lot.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Don't feel guilty for enjoying your time with your aunt just enjoy the vist.
I know it hurts your feelings your parents are like that but in the long run it's them who are missing out. What a shame...
Jackie. I have a 3 wheeled scooter that your Mom could use while she's here. It can be a Godsend when it hurts to walk. I use it myself when we plan day-long outings. My feet just can't do a 10-12 hour day.
Forgive them for their lack of patience. It is part of growing older. I know I don't have the stamina nor the patience I had just 5 years ago. I'm so glad that we got Nichole while we were young enough to enjoy and have fun with her. A generation ago many grandparents didn't live long enough to watch their grandchildren grow up. Plan things that can engage the children with their grandparents. How about the Children's Museum in Portsmouth? I love taking Nichole there. We drive to Waterside, park there, have a nice lunch and take the ferry across.
Bea, the scooter is a GREAT idea!
Bea-thanks for the offer on the scooter. They are leaving Wednesday morning. But, I honestly dont think she would use it, too much pride I guess. She had a cane for many years. A year ago, she switched over to walker. I swear it makes her look 10 yrs older. My dad had suggested at one time to get her a motorized wheelchair, but she keeps saying no.
We all went to the mall today. Its hard though with 3 kids because my mother moves very slow, and my kids are not use to that pace. So we have to slow down and wait alot.
My kids seem to enjoy my parents more when they are not yelling at him. Apparently today, while we were at JCpenny, my 2 older kids were sitting with my father, while my mother and Aunt were checking out at the cash register. From what my son told me, my father thought he was starting trouble with his sister, and slapped him on the arm a few times. He came up to me, when I was alone, and started crying that "Papa hit him for no reason"...UGH...you have no idea how that makes me mad. I dont ALLOW anybody to hit my children. Oh yes, my children have been swatted on the bottom , but never by a grandparent. That is not allowed. I had told my parents that yrs ago, they were not allowed to touch my children in that fashion.I told him that it wasnt right for his grandfather to do that to him and that I was sorry it happened.
UGH...lucky they are leaving in 2 days.
Oh, how frustrating, Jackie! That wasn't very nice of Grandpa to hit your son. Sheesh!
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