Swimsuits and girls
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive July 2005:
Swimsuits and girls
This isnt to start a debate, just a question.
Do you think a young girl, or even an older girl, should be wearing a bikini if she is overweight and her stomach hangs out?
First of all , let me say Im overweight myself, so could never imagine wearing one.
Yesterday was my daughters birthday party, we have pool parties in the backyard. My friend and her kids were here. She has a 7 yr old daughter, she is overweight, not obese. She had on a bikini and her stomach was sticking out, and hanging over the bottoms. Iknow as mothers of girls, we have to keep a positive self image for our girls. would you let your overweight daughter wear a bikini? Or how about the short shirts that are popular that are form fitting, and have belly flab stick out of them? I see many middle school age girls and younger wear these type of shirts, with lots of belly flab hanging out.
I guess Im torn about all of this. As I have a daughter who just turned 6, she is thin(we cant figure out who she got that thinness from as me and dh are overweight LOL)and she never asks to wear bikinis or those tight shirts, it just never comes up. But, I often think if I did have an overweight daughter and she asked, what would I say. Do you let girls wear these things, even if its not body appropriate, or tell them no.
I would not. I think ALL people should wear clothes that are body-type appropriate.
I would say go for it. If she feels comfortable and confident enough to wear it, why stop her. Girls have a lot of people telling them what they have to look like as it is, they don't need to hear it from their mother. I say if you don't want to see it, don't look.
NO I would not. My daughter has a belly and I refuse to let her wear clothing that has it hanging out. I cannot believe the amount of kids I see walking around with their bellies hanging out. The low rider pants and various styles look aweful on anyone not stick thin. I think my daughter should dress in a flattering manner. I do not say anything about her stomach simply telling her I find those styles too revealing. She is only 10 so she still wears what I say. It has not been an issue.
I have thought about this myself. I used to be thin enough to wear what I wanted. I got sick, gained some weight, and was not able to excercise, so lost a lot of tone. I no longer wear some clothes, even non-revealing clothes, just clothes that are kind of clingy, because they are very unflattering.
I feel the same way when I see a little girl who is overweight wearing clothing that just makes it that much more obvious. It isn't even that I don't like to look at it. It doesn't bother me to look at it. But I feel as some of the others do, that everyone should wear something that flatters them. I saw a too skinny woman recently wearing clothing that was not flattering. It works both ways. Women with large breasts should not wear certain things without enough support, but can wear other things that a "flat" woman couldn't pull off well.
I think part of being a mother is teaching a child to look her best. Even people without a lot of money can do things to look good. I'm not talking designer clothing, make-up, flashy hair, etc. Just making yourself appear nice. I think that is important mentally, physically, and emotionally. I won't let my daughter go to school without brushing her hair and making sure her clothes match. I don't let her wear clothes that are outrageously small, or too revealing for a nine year old to wear.
Frankly, kids are brutal. Why give them even more reason to be so. I work in an elementary school. I can tell you, it isn't the overweight thing that gets children avoided or ignored or made fun of. It's their general appearance, skinny or overweight. One girl I know of is very overweight. But she dresses nice, keeps her hair brushed, and is very friendly. She has no problems at school. I know another child who comes to school with her hair not brushed, sweatpants and a oversize t-shirt on, and she is the one who, unfortunately, has more problems. Nope, this isn't the child's fault. It's the parent's for not teaching the child the basics in life. Is this right? No. But it is the way life is. Not just for children, but for adults, too. And I know this little girl has good clothes. The school has made sure of this. The mother is just too lazy to carry her responsibilities.
I live in Southwestern VA and just cringe when I see some women out and about. I saw one young twenty something skinny girl run in the store with pajamas on. No, not comfortable clothing that looked like pajamas. Actual pajamas. Come on. She couldn't take the time to put real clothes on? Don't get me wrong, I wear things other than blue jeans and shirts all the time. I wear comfy clothes, too. But clothes appropriate to be out in public with. And she wore no bra. And you could tell.
So it isn't an overweight thing. It's just a thing in general. Okay, I've rambled. It just is a very touchy thing for me. It makes me so sad to see this in life.
I agree that I would likely let her wear a bathing suit that she picked out unless it was too "old" for her. If it is proper for her age and she liked it, I would never tell her that she shouldn't wear it because "her stomach was sticking out and hanging over her bottoms." Girls today are getting into so much trouble with eating disorders from not being thin enough, I would never tell her that her body wasn't right for her to wear something. I think it is great that she has that much self confidence to wear it!
"Frankly, kids are brutal. Why give them even more reason to be so"
"So it isn't an overweight thing. It's just a thing in general"
I totally agree. While I am for letting kids pick out their own clothes at a certain point, I firmly believe in teaching them to wear clothing that is (a) stylish, yet *acceptable* and respectable, and (b) fits well and is flattering.
Let's face it, every little girl, and teenage girl, and even moms want to wear the latest styles, but how many of them have the right bodies for so many of the latest styles?? Some things you can get away with being too thin or too heavy, or too short or too tall, but others create a shocking and sometimes offensive appearance.
I think it's about teaching your child to make good choices. Kids need to be aware that not everything looks good on everyone. You don't necessarily have to say *you can't buy that because you have a belly and it sticks out*, you can say something like *try this, it fits much better and makes you look much nicer*. You teach by example. If you let them see YOU passing up something you'd really love to wear, but don't because it isn't flattering on you, they will be more likely to accept that constructive criticism from you. You can also use opportunities when you see someone wearing something that is flattering to them versus someone wearing something that obviously does not fit well.
I have to say, I don't like bikinis on little girls at any time, whether they are flattering or not. I am generally unhappy with clothing styles for young girls that are "sexy". Unhappily, much of the time it is mom making those choices, almost certainly for a 7 year old, because mom thinks it is "cute", not really looking at whether it is flattering to the child or appropriate.
Having said that, if it was the girl's choice then her mom should let her wear it. (Although if I were the mom I wouldn't let her choose it - but that's me.)
For kids to learn how to make choices, they have to make some bad choices and live with the consequences. Mom could have had her try on other, more flattering styles of swimsuits before letting the daughter make the final decision - if Mom is into letting her make the decision. It's only a swimsuit, she won't be anywhere that's not with family and friends, and next year she'll need a new one.
I am currently going through this exact problem. I have a 10 year old dd who wants to buy a 2 piece. She is alittle chubby. We looked today she found some cute ones but I keep telling her why not get a one piece it will cover you better. she goes on to tell me she hates them they are not comfortable. but I don't know how to tell her without hurting her feelings. I mentioned today at the store that she couldn't hide her belly in a 2 piece and she gave me a hurt look so I didn't say anymore. we are going tomorrow to look again. do any of you know if the make a two piece thats not like a bikini.or any pointers on how to tell her she would be better of in a one piece
Seems the style to show skin. I think all the girls look great.
I wholeheartedly agree with those of you who said that we are trying to teach our kids to present themselves appropriately.
I would never tell my dd "You shouldn't wear that because your tummy is too big." I'm hoping that I can teach from her an early age, by modeling how I choose MY clothing, that we all have problem parts and beautiful parts and we're the most flattering when we accentuate our beautiful parts. I also hope to teach her that just because it's trendy doesn't mean you automatically look good in it.
I also agree that it's a tender topic, because our girls today DO feel that they have to look a certain way to be beautiful. Heck, I feel that way! But hopefully she will herself realize (if she has for example a thick tummy) that it's not one of her best features and also realize(and is told by us) about her other more flattering parts and will want to show those off instead.
Having said that, I also find myself agreeing with Ginny about how to help her make her own decision.
I saw a young woman yesterday, say 20's, or so. She had on a spaghetti-strap tank top, without any support. When she stood up, it looked okay, but when she sat down, she looked like she was going to spill right out of that top. I saw way more of her breasts than I ever cared to! ugh! No effort to pull the top up a little, either! Yuck!
Shann---
We went with a tank-kini. It is a 2 piece but the top reaches the bottom so no stomach hanging out. Target has some cute ones. My daughter's even came with a matching wrap skirt. She loves it. Lands end makes cute ones too.
Good luck!
No, i'm sorry but it just looks awful and wearing clothes where your belly hangs over is just asking for mean comments by mean kids.
My dh and I were just talking about this the other night when we were going into a movie theater and saw a teenager wearing those low riding jeans with a tight shirt that showed her waist...which was not small enough to be wearing that outfit btw. As we say "that is just all kinds of wrong"
No, if my dd was overweight and wanted to wear that outfit, I would try to spare her getting made fun of by saying something like "that outfit doesn't look like it fits", or by asking her if she feels comfortable in it, sort of trying to give her a clue that it does not look good. Or just by saying that she is not allowed to wear these skimpy outfits.
I think onw of the most important things we can teach our kids is honesty. And if honestly something just doesn't look right I think we should just tell them. Don't be mean. But I went shopping with my dd, I let her try on anything she wanted, some looked good, some didn't. After she made her decision on how it looked she asked me. Sometimes I would say, looks great, looks nice, others would be, umm no, or it isn't my favorite on you. And a couple were, you are showing way too much skin, and that isn't very flattering of your body. I wouldn't say, boy that makes you look fat dear.
As far as two pieces, with our ozone layer depeleting and skin cancer being on the rise, why any mother would let their young child wear a two piece that shows lots of skin puzzles me. There are lots of two pieces that aren't as revealing and not leaving as much of their tender skin exposed. Studies are showing that the younger they are getting sun exposure and burns the more harmful it is.
she's 7, right? And at a party with a bunch of kids? If she is self-confidant enough to wear it, why not? She will have body issues soon enough! She is 7, not 14! Just my gut reaction, I didn't read any other responses.
Didn't read above responses. But, I wouldn't put my dd in a bikini if she had a little tummy on her. I wouldn't want the other kids to tease her or talk about her.
I think clothing should be chosen according to body type.
Kids have enough to contend with in life, why set them up for failure at the swimming pool?
I personally just disagree with bikinis for young girls period...jmho. They make one piece swimsuits just as cute. The more skin they show when they are younger, the more likely they are to push the limits when they are teens. Again...JMHO...
My first reaction is to say no, girls should not wear bikinis if they do not have the body for it. But maybe we are missing something. I have seen so much gut and butt in the last year and the girls dont seem to mind or harass each other, they continue to wear this style. I thought that it would burn out very quickly because the style is unflattering to almost everyone, yet I still see almost every girl wearing it. Personally I wouldnt be caught dead in it, and having to hitch up my jeans to keep my butt crack from showing would drive me nuts. So maybe flab is in.
LOL Missmudd....I agree, they don't seem to care, do they?
I'm not advocating bikinis for young girls in any way. BUT. Who really believes that a one piece suit disguises fat? Sorry. I know I'm fat, and I'm still fat in a one piece suite, a two piece suite, or in a skirt or boy leg suite. A bathing suite doesn't conceal. I think we should all wear what we feel comfortable in. If you want to cover up the flab, wear a mu-mu or stay off the beach. I feel comfortable in a tank top or blouson top suit with brief bottoms. It certainly doesn't make me look thin.
So you think that a very overweight woman would look just as good in a bikini or a thong as a one piece or a skirted bottom?
How about an overweight man? Speedos would be just as flattering as regular trunks?
I'm not huge, but I'm not skinny anymore either. But I know for sure I look much better in a cute skirted bottom and a tankini top than if I had my dimpled thighs and stretch marks bared in a regular bottom. Not to mention the pooch I sometimes have that would be hanging over the top.
True, a swimsuit doesn't make you overweight or skinny, but certain suits sure can be more flattering. I think that is where the post is going, not whether one makes you not fat anymore...
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