...for sex.

My dh works four days a week, 10-1/2 hours or more a day. He works second shift, so he leaves at 2 PM and comes home around 2:30 or 3 AM (1/2 hour drive one way). I am on the opposite shift as far as my sleep patterns go. I have to get up and get ds off to school, so I am up at 7 AM and go to bed around midnight.

Last night I wanted to be intimate with dh, so I stayed up until he got home, which was 2:30 AM. He really wasn't interested because he wanted to relax and watch TV. I guess I can understand that.

He got up at 9AM, which is early for him. I made breakfast and now he is sleeping again until it is time for him to get ready for work.

It has been a month since we have done anything (March 15 was his b-day). Funny thing is, he teases ME about not giving him enough! Jeez.

We are in a rut.

Our parents would babysit, but they all live out of town - about an hour's drive away. My parents would take him on a weekend, but so far, there haven't been any weekends that would work out for them. My MIL would take him, but she is mentally ill and we don't know if she could handle it. We could ask, I guess. We could bring her here for a visit, but where would WE go? (Money is tight)

It seems like when I am in the mood, dh isn't. When he is in the mood, I am not.

Anyone else have this dilemma? Has anyone found any solutions? I'm sick of it and I need some ideas!

By Clarabel on Friday, April 15, 2005 - 12:54 pm:

My DH is working full time(finally), 5 days a week and long hours.He leaves by 8am and we are lucky if he is home by dinner.Then on the weekends I go to work and come home very cranky and hungry and of course still have to get my 2 year old to bed because as soon as I walk in the door dh is "off-duty".
We haven't gotten busy in a couple of weeks it seems, although I'm probably exaggerating.Too long for this needy pregnant lady. A month seems like a very long time.
A date night is so important. We had one sunday and it just made me feel human again, not even intimacy, just going out together.We have the in-laws to babysit,(my mother is a bit unbalanced) but they have jobs and live an hour away too so we have to put it on the calendar way in advance.

It sounds like what you need is a babysitter.
And some planned activities that you are both looking forward to. It really is sooo important to have that time.Good luck.

By Pamt on Friday, April 15, 2005 - 02:46 pm:

I might have some suggestions, but first...how many kids and how old are they?

By Beth on Friday, April 15, 2005 - 03:28 pm:

Well I can relate right now that is for sure. I was had aunt flo visiting one week, was sick, then had I problems with ovarinan cysts, then dh was sick and now dh's knee is swollen up three times the size and he can bearily walk on it. I think this is the longest weve gone since I have not been pregnant. We are kind of laughing about it at least for now. This is not really typcial for us. But let me just say that I work second and may dh works first and it is hard for us to find times sometimes. I guess I am lucky because my dk's go to bed fairly early still on weekends. It takes work to find that time and we have made this work for us. You do have to make some time. Just like someone else said schedule a date night, call a friends daughter or something and even if you just go out to dinner. Or swap with a friend if money is that tight. I hope you guys are able to find the time. I sure hope things change for me soon to or I don't know what I am going to do! LOL!

By Anonymous on Friday, April 15, 2005 - 03:39 pm:

I'm in the same rut. DH works nights 6pm-6am, sleeps days, and we have young children, so I'm not on the same schedule. Aunt Flow, then I was sick, then he was sick, now I've got the cold again, and it's probably been a month or so. We're lucky to have sex twice a month, and while it doesn't bother me so much, he gets miserable. He's so cranky and short tempered right now, and I'm sure it's because of that, especially since he just had 2 days off, but I'm still sick. I think the swapping sitting duty with friends is a great idea if you can do it, or make an extra effort on your DH's days off.

By Anonymous on Friday, April 15, 2005 - 05:30 pm:

PamT, we only have one dk, a boy 8 yo. Should be easy to find time, right? Dh always asks, "What would we do with another kid or two? "

We tried the swapping kids once with our friends. We all agreed it was their turn to take ours, and that was 6 months ago. We have kind of fallen out of contact with them. I guess we could call them up.

We got our taxes back, and I am thinking of asking dh if we can get a room. We did that a couple of years ago, and it was way cool! We could invite his mom up to spend the night with our ds, and we could spend a few hours together. Boy, does that take some planning!

By Trina~moderator on Friday, April 15, 2005 - 05:52 pm:

Does your DH have any personal time at work? He could plan a "personal day" when your DS is at school. *EG* DH suggested this awhile ago but has yet to do it. I'll have to remind him.

By Yjja123 on Friday, April 15, 2005 - 08:53 pm:

OK I have been in a similar situation with hubby working nights. He often came home, took a shower, and "woke" me up for great morning sex.
Now he works regular but very long hours Monday-Saturday. We have Friday nights as family night.
Sunday night is ours. Kids are required to go to bed on time no exceptions. We basically make every Sunday our night to be intimate. It used to bother me that it was "scheduled" but hubby pointed out you kinda schedule it when your dating...hmm Saturday night I am going out so I will wear my sexy teddy etc.
The kids respect our time alone and we look forward to our Sunday nights much like we did when we were dating.

By Missbookworm on Saturday, April 16, 2005 - 02:14 am:

In my relationship...we're much like Yjja. I say relationship because my marriage ended a couple of years ago and I'm dating someone now long term. He is a parent and so am I...between us we have 5 children so it's not always easy for the dating part..but we've taken to scheduling date nites...and while we rarely go out..normally we're here because I have my children home alot, we light candles...either make or order in food..waiting to eat dinner together until after our kids are asleep and then just take things as they go...I hope to keep that alive even after we end up together completely if that's where our relationship goes.