I am so tired of it. I adore my Dh and he is a great dad & husband but he can be so selfish! He is going to be away for 5 days for work this spring and he asked me if I minded if he played in a softball tournament the day after he gets home. AAAAAHHHHH!!! Yes, I mind. He travels a little for work ( a day here or there) but 5 days is a long time for me. ( I know you military wives are laughing) and for him to want to play in an all day tournament the day after he returns makes me mad. He does so much outside of the house, 2 softball teams (coaches one), 2 church committees, Vice President of another club, goes to the YMCA 3 mornings a week and goes atleast 1 night a week. He tells me to do whatever I want, that just means that as long as it fits in to his schedule.... AAAAAHHHHH!!!! I just needed to vent.

By Mommyof4 on Tuesday, March 29, 2005 - 01:52 pm:

I know exactly how you feel. Dh works long hours and certain times of the year he is gone for 3 - 5 days at a time every other week for about 2 months. It never fails that either the day before he leaves on a trip or the day he comes home someone calls him and wants him to play cards. He also tells me that he doesn't stop me from doing things that I want to do but the difference is that if he wants to go do something he just tells me he is going to so-and-sos house to play cards and then goes if I want to do something I have to find out if his work schedule has him at home and available to stay with the kids and if not then I have to find a babysitter. Just once I would like to call him and say I am going to be spending next weekend at the spa and let him worry about who is staying with the kids and how they are going to get to all their activiies. So while I can't help you any way I can certainly feel your pain....

By Vicki on Tuesday, March 29, 2005 - 01:55 pm:

Oh my gosh I could have written both of your posts!! I also feel that sure, I can do anything I want at any time as long as it doesn't interfere with dd or dh's schedules!!

By Kathym on Tuesday, March 29, 2005 - 01:55 pm:

Do you do anything for yourself? Are you on any committees or do volunteer work? Do you get to exercise? Has he ever taken care of the kids for an extended period of time so you can? Mine are all in school now but when they were home I went to the gym at least three days a week just for stress relief and to keep my sanity. I also found a babysitter one afternoon a week so I could run errands, etc. I didn't really care what I did as long as it way by myself. Now that my youngest is 7 I can do stuff during the day and be recharged when they come in the door but if your DH won't help then you need to carve some time out for you! BTW, does he realize how many activities he has outside the home?

By Palmbchprincess on Tuesday, March 29, 2005 - 02:07 pm:

I can totally sympathize with you, sometimes being mom and wife sucks. Honestly, I'd ask him to reevaluate his activities, it seems like an awful lot ot have on your plate while raising kids, and he could be spending more time at home. Does he have trouble saying "No"? I know moms often have trouble turning down requests, so maybe he has the same difficulty.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 29, 2005 - 04:28 pm:

Our kids are both in school but that leaves me to do the housework while they are at school. I am on a committee at church but most of the time, I take the kids with me to do whatever I need to do there. He will watch the kids and take them with him any time but when he is playing softball I don't think that the kids can be properly watched. He is so focused on the game that he can't possibly watch them, they are 6 and 9 so they still need to be watched. I haven't done anything truly for myself in so long I honestly don't know what I like to do any more. I have pointed out how many things he has going on and he just says "Well, this one is only one day a month and this one is only one day a month and softball is only 2 days a week and the YMCA is before the kids are even up (he goes to the Y and then showers and goes straight to work) and blah blah blah." He doesn't realize how those one day a months add up. I am so mad at him right now I could scream! The kids are on Spring Break this week so I am probably a little "crazy" anyway. But we have had these issues for years and I just get sick of it. Up until this season he played on 3 teams and coached 2 of them. I did "convince" him to only coach one and play on 2 and he REALLY thinks he gave up something big for me. Like that makes everything else fine. AAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

By Breann on Tuesday, March 29, 2005 - 04:33 pm:

I'm right there with you! My dh always tells me I can do whatever I want. Well, with a 3 year old by my side all the time that means that I don't get to do all that much. And, my daughter has school and dance and gymnastics. Not to mention playing at friends houses and so on. There is basically no way I can "do what ever I want".

By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 29, 2005 - 04:51 pm:

I love it when they say, "Do whatever you want whenever" OK. as long as it doesn't interfere with school, dentist appt., doctors appt., dad's games, church or any other extra curricular activities and oh yeah, don't forget to clean the house and buy groceries and fix dinner. But really whenever you want!!!!

By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 29, 2005 - 07:01 pm:

Anon, I understand how you feel, but I wish I had a DH, even part time.

Tell him how you feel. Maybe he could cut down the activities while the kids are younger. You should do outside activities too and ask that he fit your schedule also.

By Kym on Tuesday, March 29, 2005 - 07:43 pm:

I may get in some trouble for this one, and I do have an extremely supportive husband who can take care of the kids better than I can most of the time Men don't think like we do, if you want the time, take it, they will pick up the slack but offering to send you to a spa ain't gonna happenlol but if you say hey I'm set for this weekend to be away they normally don't care, they just need to be informed. Ask yourself, will my dh take care of the kids if I'm not here? If he won't than there is a serious marital issue, but if he will and you are not doing things for yourself, that is your own issue. My dh is a cyclist and marathon runner so trust me if I didnt' take my time, I wouldn't get it, I do have to wake up before the sun, but I get it nontheless! One more rant, if your family is over scheduled that should be re evaluated, one anon said her daughter is in dance and gymnastics, is that necessary? Most families over extend financially and timewise and outside committment wise than wonder why there is tension, just another perspective to think about.

By Reds9298 on Tuesday, March 29, 2005 - 07:49 pm:

Kym, I agree about the way men are. I just don't think they are going to *offer* it and say I've arranged for you to have a day out today. It's not that they don't want you to do it, it's just not the way they are (generally speaking). I think as moms we often don't TAKE the time to do things for ourselves. I'm guilty as well and sometimes expect DH to set up something wonderful for me.
Set up time for yourself and if your house isn't clean or you have to eat at McD's to do it, do it anyway. Don't let a chore/activity get in the way of something that you plan for yourself. I can't imagine being home when my dd is in school all day...I would go crazy with all of that time personally. I understand how you feel about being everything to everyone. Maybe you should have set times for yourself? As moms we are pulled in so many different directions emotionally!