I don't have many friends since we moved to this town a year ago. We have some acquaintances (sp?) but not many close friends. We are have a few people over for New Year's Eve. I called to invite one of my "close" friends and she said that they had been invited to another party but it is a "kidless" one so if they can't get a babysitter then maybe they will come over to our place since kids will be there. Is it just me...but I feel as though she is saying...well what we really want to do is go to this other party but if that doesn't work out then yours will do!

Then, I ask her today and she says "well we really haven't decided yet. My nephew said he would babysit so maybe we will drop by your place for a bit then take the kids home and go to the other party."

Again, I'm feeling used. Am I being childish?

By Missmudd on Tuesday, December 28, 2004 - 04:11 pm:

Well your friend is being certainly being classless.... I dont know what to say. I can definately understand your unhappiness. I dont think your friend is going to get that you are hurt unless you tell her point blank about how you feel. She doesnt seem to have gotten any social skills in her travels. And no I dont think you are being childish.

By Kate on Tuesday, December 28, 2004 - 04:20 pm:

Well, she did get the other invitation first....I think she is trying to work it all out and may not have worded it very well. She should have just said she had already received an invitation for that night, but she'd try to come to both if possible. However, I honestly don't think it's rude to say that she had this other invite first but that she needs a sitter for it so if she can't get a sitter she'd love to come to yours.

By Boxzgrl on Tuesday, December 28, 2004 - 04:42 pm:

Ditto Kate.

By Palmbchprincess on Tuesday, December 28, 2004 - 05:18 pm:

I agree with Kate, she may not have worded it well, but she is trying to make plans that work best for everyone, and she did get the other invite first. I wouldn't take it as you were her second choice, or back up plan.

By Paulas on Tuesday, December 28, 2004 - 05:36 pm:

I understand that she got the other invite first and had she said, "sorry, but we have plans" I wouldn't have given it another thought. It did come across very much like "I would rather go to the other place but if that doesn't work out then we'll come to your place.

By Palmbchprincess on Tuesday, December 28, 2004 - 06:24 pm:

Only you would know, since you actually talked to her. It stinks to feel like you are being used, I hope it was just a manners oversight on her part! (((Paula)))

By Debbie on Tuesday, December 28, 2004 - 07:53 pm:

{{{{Paula}}}} We have moved around alot, so I can definitely relate to being new to an area. It really is hard!!! I can see why your feelings were hurt. I think it is more about the way she worded things. If she has been a good friend in the past, then I would try and give her the benefit of the doubt that she is trying to work everything out and just didn't word it too great.

By Mrse on Wednesday, December 29, 2004 - 12:15 am:

I agree with everyone on the board also. I guess she was just being honest, which was rude, but the truth, I would rather have the truth from the start than have them come over and find out from someone else that they could not find a sitter and ended up at your place, because of that reason. If it makes you feel any better we always invite our friends over they say, maybe, then in the end we end up with their kids and they go out to the bar and celebrate thier. Hope you have a great news years even if they don't show up. Sometimes family is just better in the end, you can count on them. Have a good one.

By Paulas on Wednesday, December 29, 2004 - 01:04 am:

Thanks everyone for the support and hugs. I guess I am still holding a bit of resentment from last year when they told us they were having some people over and then two days before New Year's said they had been invited out so wouldn't be having people, including us, over.

I guess that combined with this year is why I'm feeling like we are the back up plan.

I think they are coming over for a few hours. We have some other friends coming so it's all good. I'm making Christine's Crostini, Seafood Chowder and Mocha Chocolate Cheesecake. Good food..yum!

By Feona on Wednesday, December 29, 2004 - 09:36 am:

Sometimes people say things without thinking.

Something that really helped me is someone told me People are werid. If you realize that you don't take things so personally.

No one is perfect so sometimes you just have to accept peoples limitations. I don't get along with everyone so if my friends have a few quirks I just go with the flow. Though she really wasn't thinking when she thought.

By Fionadeassis on Wednesday, December 29, 2004 - 10:44 am:

Hope you have an awesome New Years Paula......

I actually don't like this holiday much...it seems like because it is New Years it has to be THE BEST PARTY OF THE YEAR!!!!!.......and it usually doesn't measure up to our expectations.

Now that I have kids I just tell all my relatives that I will be "at home".......anyone can drop by or stay or leave their kids....bring a snack and pillows and blankets and sleep over....

Now my New Years sleepover is very popular with all my family and some friends.......

I buy tons of bacon and pancake mix and we(or my mom usually) make a big breakfast....

I don't do anything like cook all day or clean...it's just casual......

fiona

By Karen~moderator on Wednesday, December 29, 2004 - 11:29 am:

At first I was in agreement with Kate, however, after reading what your friend said/did last year, I am now of the opinion that she is selfish and inconsiderate and rude.

I can totally understand how you'd be feeling used right now. After what she did last year, and despite the fact that she DID receive another invitation first this year, it appears that she is *picking and choosing* what she thinks might be the most fun.

But that is tacky and rude. Like last year - she had invited you and others to her house and apparently something better came along so she cancelled 2 days before. Never even occurred to her that you and the other people had counted on going to her house, and now you had to make other plans.

And then on to this year - *if* she can't get a babysitter, then she will come to your house?? I'm sorry, I know it's difficult to make new friends in a new area, but there's right and wrong, and IMO, she is being disrespectful to you as a person in general, and as a friend in particular. I think I'd look for a new friend.

I hope you have a good New Years, with or without her.

By Kathym on Thursday, December 30, 2004 - 06:56 pm:

I have decided that some "friends" are just not worth it. I used to get so upset with folks like this too! If this gal has hurt your feelings in the past reevaluate if she is really someone you want in your life other than as a casual friend. I am all for going with the flow..we all have our quirks, but I would rather have a few good friends that bother with people who aren't worth my time. Have a Happy New Year!

By Paulas on Thursday, December 30, 2004 - 10:41 pm:

You're not going to believe this!

She just called and asked if the invitation was still good. Of course I said it was then asked if they would be going to the other party later. She said well they said an invitation was coming in the mail and I haven't heard anything. So, she is coming here b/c she didn't get invited anywhere else!

Oh well...

By Bea on Thursday, December 30, 2004 - 11:16 pm:

I know I'm a vindictive person but, I'd call her on New Year's Eve and say your plans had changed and you were going out. Give her a taste of her own medicine.

By Missmudd on Friday, December 31, 2004 - 12:54 pm:

Wow she is the ultimate in stringing you along isnt she....

By Breann on Friday, December 31, 2004 - 01:54 pm:

LOL Bea That sounds like something I would do.


I read this post earlier and figured that you were just taking it hard. But when I read what you posted a little later about what happened last year, that makes it totally different.

((((hugs))))
I hope that things work out.

By Pamt on Friday, December 31, 2004 - 02:35 pm:

Be kind and cordial and have a wonderful time, but next year I wouldn't issue another invite to her or accept one from her. Sorry she has turned out the be such a crummy friend.

By Missmudd on Sunday, January 2, 2005 - 10:14 pm:

So did she show?

By Paulas on Sunday, January 2, 2005 - 10:48 pm:

Yes, she came and everyone had a great time. We played games, laughed and had a blast. She really isn't a crumpy friend. Most times she is wonderful. I think it's just that our town is very "clicky" and sometimes she feels the pressure to hang out with the cooler crowd.

By Karen~moderator on Monday, January 3, 2005 - 07:42 am:

That would offend me - that a *friend* of mine would have that type of impression of me! Cool I am not, rich I am not, fancy life style I do not have, and if I am going to blatantly be someone's second choice, or backup plan, I don't want them as a friend. Sorry, that's the way I feel about that.

I'm truly glad you had a good time, but I don't think I could do it. You're a better person than I am because I'd write her off.

By Sue3 on Monday, January 3, 2005 - 07:55 am:

I agree with Karen.I wouldn`t want to put my time and energy into this friendship.
Life is to short.
I wouldn`t want to spend time with anyone that made me feel " second best " so to speak.

By Jelygu on Monday, January 3, 2005 - 08:19 am:

I also agree with Karen. I have had a friend that made me feel that way, and I eventually just let her go.