My 3 year old DD is turning into a little tattletale! She will play with or follow around my 1yr DD and come up with things like:

"Daddy! She's playing on your bed!"
"Daddy! She's in the bathroom!"
"Daddy! She's makin' a mess!"

Sometimes she will sneak up on you and then go off... *jump*!

In addition to this, she has also started trying to be a parent... which I have repeatedly tried to teach her she isn't. I do commend her and thank her though when she truly is a big help. I've turned my back for a second to hear "NO!" and then DD's crying, here the 3yr has the 1yr and is pushing her away from something.

I don't have my girls all the time. When I do get them it's hit and miss... there are good days and bad days with this.

What do I do, any suggestions? I've been trying to explain that she isn't a mommy, and while thank you for telling me when she is truly doing something wrong, that she is not supposed to crowd her either. *sigh*

I don't want to discourage her from caring, but at the same time it's so excessive at times... not sure if this is bad or good or what.

By Dana on Thursday, January 2, 2003 - 10:38 pm:

It doesn't change much even when you have them 24/7. I only have one child, but she has a best friend. Need I say more?

Not sure I have any advice for you. Just a shoulder to rest on.

By Jewlz on Friday, January 3, 2003 - 01:51 am:

its a common thing with kiddos that have siblings... she just may be usin it to get a bit more attention... and since she is the oldest it may come natural to her... and mom may ask her to help out with keepin her sister out of things since she is walkin and gettin into more and more each day ...she is so small she may not be able to tell when she is helpful in this sorta way and when she has crossed that line of to much help... remember lil girls like to play mommy alot and some never grow out of it... maybe get a her a baby doll and let her be mommy to that and u be the parent to both ... guide her thru her playin ...

By Bubbels on Friday, January 3, 2003 - 07:47 am:

Steve, this is fairly common with sibs. In my house, it's my 10 y/o DS who plays "Daddy" to my 8 y/o DD (still.) My DD gets so frustrated with him sometimes. It has it's good points and bad. For instance, my DS is alot more responsible than my DD. He keeps an eye on her like a hawk when they're out playing, and frankly I'm glad he does, because my DD thinks she is invincible. On the other hand, sometimes he sounds like a little ole papaw around her, and that's when we need to step in and ask him to cool it, which he'll do .... for awhile.

It may just be in your DD's personality to be the caretaker, and she may be this way her whole life. There's no cure for it, but maybe you can get a little creative and come up with other signals she can give you when your 1 y/o is doing something she's not supposed to, since the "Daddy...Daddy...Daddy" scream rattles your nerves. Maybe something like you two can come up with a hand signal or a goofy face or a silly noise "secret code" she can give you whenever little sis does something. You'll both probably find it funny, and it'll help to lighten up the situation. It'll certainly make her feel really special to have a secret code with dad!

By Karen55 on Friday, January 3, 2003 - 09:17 am:

Yea Steve, almost every child goes through a tattle tale stage, and girls generally are worse about it, though I had more trouble with my DS, who is 15 months older than my DD. Jewlz & Bubbels have good suggestions. The thing is, although she is still really young, you need to *really* work on it because in a few years, if she's still doing this when she's with her friends, she will suddenly not have any friends. Kids hate it when other kids tattle on them, especially in a playgroup type situation. One way to hopefully cut back on it is teaching her that it's OK to tattle on someone if they are doing something that will hurt them or someone else, etc. Good luck!

By Ginnyk on Friday, January 3, 2003 - 09:45 am:

As you are being told, it is typical - both the tattling (sp?) and the excessive parenting. I remember saying to my sons - are you telling me this because your brother is doing something truly dangerous or serious and forbidden, or to get him into trouble? For the parenting, I don't have any suggestions except to keep telling her - I am the parent and you are not - so stop it.

You may want to have a conversation with your dds' mother and find out how she is handling it. I think this is an area where you need to be consistent between the two of you, so that there are not mixed messages. And this, of course, is true of most areas of child raising and discipline, so I hope you and your ex are on civilized terms at least when it comes to the children.

I had a former sister-in-law who (a) actively encouraged her oldest son to parent the two younger boys and (b) encouraged all three boys to tattle on each other. She said it made it easier for her to find out when someone was doing something wrong. Yuck - I shudder even now to think of it, and this was 25 years ago.

By Truestori on Friday, January 3, 2003 - 11:15 am:

Steve,

Your not alone... My daughter is nine and fails to realize that shes not my mother...LOL
I think you are doing the right thing. Everytime she tries to tattle or be a parent just explain to her that daddy is the dad and if sissy is doing something wrong daddy will tell her to stop. etc..If it gets to the extreme where she is hitting or acting out toward her sister than I believe time-outs work well! Remember she is the first born and probably very intelligent!!
Goodluck

By Steve on Friday, January 3, 2003 - 11:50 am:

Thanks everyone for their suggestions! She's very smart, and isn't doing it to be cruel or mean, she really is trying to help. I think with some time and work she will get to a nice even point where she knows when to start the siren up and when to let it be. She *is* a big help with my younger DD... and she has always seemed to be the caretaker type. I don't lose my patience with her about it, it just can get under your skin after awhile.. but it's not too often.

As for talking to their mother... we do get along much better now, and talks about the girls and parenting things are not a problem. It didn't always used to be this way, so I am thanking lucky stars for that. The kids need it!

There's a huge difference between my DDs though.. my first is a sweetheart, never gets into anything and is very helpful. The younger one... she's trouble. She already knows how to work the latches on the cabinets, she will get into anything just because she can. *sigh* She's got the devil streak in her... and the look! LOL

I wouldn't trade it for the world though

By Ginnyk on Friday, January 3, 2003 - 12:26 pm:

Having had one who would never go into a cabinet I said was "mine", and two who got into everything, I strongly urge you to take everything that is potentially dangerous (including vitamin pills) and put them in a closet or cabinet which you can fasten in two places with those hook and eye fasteners with a spring you have to pull back before you can lift the eye, or maybe even a combination lock. I speak from experience, having had to use ipecac three times and having one son hospitalized for three days with an overdose of childrens aspirin because he (1) used the step stool to climb on the kitchen counter and (2) used phone books, in stair step fashion, so that he could reach the medicines on top of the wall cabinet and (3) figured out the dropper/dome thing in the liquid aspirin. All in about 5 minutes while I was changing his younger brother upstairs. After that all medicines went into a tool box with a combination lock, and all cleaning supplies into a closet with a combination lock.

By Terri4him on Friday, January 3, 2003 - 12:29 pm:

The Devil streak....ehhhhhhhhh...can sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo relate to that one....
My daughter is 12 and she was absolutely...positively...a GREAT first child to have...
Then my darling son came along 4 years later...LORD have mercy on me!!! He can be the biggest stinker God created...He's a good boy but so into everything and the imagination...WOAHHHH!!!! How many kids get into dental floss and wrap it around your bathroom sink only to tell you..."it's a rollercoaster mom"...with that DUH look....or how many kids think to mark their privates up with BLUE marker the day they have a DOCTORS APPT!!!! Oh yeah...
All I can say is WRITE everything down that you can so you can share these things with her later...

I love my daughter..but my son and I have an unbelievable relationship...this morning alone he came into my room..got on my bed ..held my face in his hands and said "Good morning mama"...gave me a sweet kiss..then teared out of my room so he could go play NINTENDO!!!

Now he's begging for Hotdogs...so I best go make lunch....

As for the tattleing...be consistent!!! Being constant is the only way that I can get my son to listen and mind...and sometimes when kids tattle I tend to ignore it too..and say "oh that's nice..thanks for letting me know"...Pick and chose your battle wisely...
Don't worry Steve..you're on the right track..and I commend you for having a civil relationship with your ex-wife...

Blessings
Terri

By Steve on Friday, January 3, 2003 - 01:57 pm:

I have nothing dangerous within their reach. The cabinet under the kitchen sink is barren... you could hide in there. Everything is on the very top shelf in the bathroom. A pain? Yes... but worth it. I learned that little trick and this one from a friend: keeping towels under the bathroom sink. It keeps bad things out of there, plus my DDs can reach them easily! They love being able to get things themselves.

I've got plenty of pictures... digital cameras are great things! I'm sure the tattleing will simmer down... it's interesting to read about everyone else's experiences with it.

By Truestori on Friday, January 3, 2003 - 03:03 pm:

I know when my daughter was 2 almost 3 she got into the Tums. There she was chewing away. In calling poison control I learned a good trick! Always mark your medicine bottles with permanent marker so you can be sure of how much med's were left the last time you checked. I didn't have a clue so I wasn't sure how much my DD had eaten! That would have been real scary if it were some other type of drug! UUGGHH

By Palmbchprincess on Friday, January 3, 2003 - 04:20 pm:

Steve, I know whenever I watch Amy's kids, her older son always "tattles" on the younger son. Her boys are the same age as your girls. Another thing her older will do is repeat any "no-no"s we say to the younger. We constantly tell him that we'll do the "no-no"ing, and that he should be quiet. It's the whole "I'm a big boy and my brother is a baby, so I get to tell him what to do" thing. It'll pass. My step-dad always teased my cousins who would tattle by saying "Nobody likes a rat!" but they were older than your DDs. Good luck, and good job on childproofing. My DH can't seem to grasp the concept of childproofing, I was beginning to think it was a man thing! ;)

By Mechelle on Saturday, January 4, 2003 - 01:03 pm:

These posts sounds like my two Dks!!
I see a mega reflection goin here.
DD is *Mommy* to my DS. SHE tells him what he will do, and if he don't she nails him everytime.
DS watches DD when they are out playin, (her differences) he's always been this way, and if he thinks DD is doing something she isn't sopposed to be doing, he's tattling on her.
DD is the BIGGEST tattler I have ever met in my life! lol
She says "Moooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" I cover my ears (sometimes) I know what it's gonna be (Chwis did so and so!!)

It seems to only get worse! lol
It'll get better as they get bigger.

By Karen55 on Saturday, January 4, 2003 - 01:26 pm:

LOL Mechelle. Don't take this the wrong way, OK? But.......have you ever heard, small children, small problems, Big children, big problems! It's a fact, it's just that you get *different* problems. And.....one day you might be *wishing* that one of your kids was tattling on the other one! BTDT.
Seriously though, I'm pretty sure that there's always a tattler in a household with more than one child, and in the case of only one child, there's a tattler in a play setting.