My grandma died a few years ago and my grandpa had her cremated (sp?). Now he is ready to either spread her ashes or put them in a sort of mausaleum (sp?) at his church. Then afterwards we will go out to dinner.

So how do i explain this to the kids? They didn't really know my grandma at all, she lived far away. They don't know that she was cremated or even what cremation is. And they didn't go to her funeral/memorial service.

By Colette on Thursday, August 24, 2006 - 10:13 am:

I wouldn't explain it to them. Are you going to be with him with the kids if he spreads the ashes? If not, or if he's having some kind of service at the church, I'd just say dinner was together was his way of celebrating her life and leave it at that. If the kids ask more questions then answer them but I wouldn't go over the top with it.

By Vicki on Thursday, August 24, 2006 - 10:27 am:

I don't see anything wrong at all about explaining it to them just as the facts are. My dd had a class mate that passed away when she was in the 4th grade and 10 years old. Her parents had her cremated and I explained what that was to dd and she took it very well. I guess I never thought not to tell her about it... can I ask what your concerns are??

By Bellajoe on Thursday, August 24, 2006 - 10:36 am:

I just thought that explaining cremation might be a bit much for them. My ds is always very concerned about death. he asks a lot of questions about it. Why do people die? Why did great grandma die? Why did grandpa die? What is heaven like? etc. He seems worried about it already, or maybe he is just wondering about it.

I don't think he will be spreading the ashes after all. I think he is just bringing them to church. So i could just tell thm that we are just remembering great grandma today. If they ask what is in the urn, i guess i will have to just explain it to them. I'm not going to make something up.
I do not want to keep things from them. When my dad was sick with cancer, no one told me anything. I knew he had cancer but didn't know how bad it was. I only found out a few years ago that the cancer had spread to his bones....and he died in 1991!
I don't want to do that kind of thing to them.

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, August 24, 2006 - 01:13 pm:

I would not spread them. What you have there is not just ashes - you have ashes, pieces of bone, maybe teeth, etc. If it were me I would definitely place them in the columbarium at the church (I know what it's called because my church has one. Both of my parents are there, as is my brother, and eventually, me.)

I think you can tell your children that grandpa had her body - the shell that she lived in - cremated and the remains of her body/shell are now in a special place in the church she used to attend.

By Annie2 on Thursday, August 24, 2006 - 09:35 pm:

My parents and grandparents were cremated but we buried all of them.

My MIL was cremated. We buried some, scattered some and kept some. I really wish that I have kept some of my parents....another story...anyway

About two weeks ago my 12 year old dd was venturing into my desktop to reach a book and accidently knock over "Abuelita" ALL over herself! She was mortified.

I was able to save most of MIL, probably mixed with some dog hair. That sounds awful!! I never did tell DH! Even though this accident happened with MIL, I am still happy that she is with us.

By Karen~admin on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 09:49 am:

We scattered my mom. My youngest sister *probably* kept some of the ashes though. Mom is scattered in parts of 3 states - near where each of us live, and near 2 spots she vacationed earlier in her life and loved. My sister and I scattered part of her in the ocean at Sanibel last year (a place my mom loved), and we told her *safe travels* when we did - meaning she was now free to go the places she never could or would or was too phobic to.

By Crystal915 on Saturday, August 26, 2006 - 05:12 pm:

((((Hugs))))) No advice, just my sympathies for your loss.