Help ladies I cannot seem to get DH to stop use his foul mouth. Now Jade is repeating him all of the time. Bullsh@@, F@@@, and A@@hole. Help. I am tired of punishing her for his errors. But she is saying this stuff all of the time. Everytime something doesn't go her way now she says "This is Bullsh@@" or worse like I listed above. What can I do? I tell him to think before he speaks but he still doesn't.

By Heaventree on Monday, April 3, 2006 - 10:23 am:

I'm not sure that this will work with your DH you need a willing spirit, but you could start charging him for each bad word. Get a jar put it on the counter and everytime he says a bad work it's a $2 penality.

Seems a bit immature to have to do this for a grown adult, but who knows it might help. You think he would want to stop so that his children don't repeat these words.

Anyway you could always take the money and put it towards your daughters education fund.

Sorry you are going through this.

By Vicki on Monday, April 3, 2006 - 10:25 am:

Wow, does he hear her say these things?? I would think that him hearing her would make him stop. Does he not care she is repeating it?? Those are some bad words. I remember when dd was small, she started repeating me. About the only word I ever said was sh*t. One day she dropped something and said oh sh*t and I was so repaulsed by it that I put the brakes on saying it myself. I explained to her that it was a bad word and neither of us were allowed to say it anymore. It took me longer than her to get out of the habit.

By Tonya on Monday, April 3, 2006 - 10:36 am:

If he had money I would do that but I control the money in the house. He is bad with money so he only has some when it has a purpose otherwise it is in my purse or in the bank.

He hears her and she gets in trouble but when I say something to him about it he says she needs to learn what she can and cannot do even if he says it or does it. He says he knows he needs to curb his mouth but he forgets until it is too late. I have her telling him potty mouth daddy everytime I hear something and she tells him Daddy talk nice!! I am trying to get her to tell him what I tell her and hoping it will work. When Timmy was little he stopped I just wish he would stop with her. She is so much more bullheaded than Timmy ever was and man he stopped real quick. She thinks it is funny cause now she does it under her breath cause she knows it is wrong.

By Cat on Monday, April 3, 2006 - 11:16 am:

Oh, have I btdt! Saying "Don't swear!" is considered nagging, so that doesn't work. My kids are old enough now that they have learned what they can and can not say, but Jade's still pretty little. What worked (somewhat) for me was when dh would say something he shouldn't have I'd replace his word with something more appropriate. Like he'd say "F***" and I'd just say "Fudge". Or he'd say "Sh**" so I'd say "Poopy!" lol He didn't consider this nagging, and it did help. Of course, he didn't stop swearing (doesn't see a need to, HIS opinion). I hope you get some other thoughts. It's really not cool to hear such nasty words coming from such little mouths. I know when Robin was three and climbed on the kitchen counter next to me where I was washing dishes and he hit his head on the cabinets and said, "OW! I hit my F-ing head!" I was appauled!!! One thing I did do was make sure the kids understood they were NOT allowed to say certain words. The really do learn that quickly. And I know this will get some frowns, but a little liquid soap on the tip of your finger in her mouth may get the message across and if it's just a drop, it won't hurt her. Good luck, Tonya. Big hugs

By Karen~moderator on Monday, April 3, 2006 - 11:43 am:

Well, it's all fine and good to say that a child needs to learn *right from wrong*, but as a PARENT, he should be the one setting the example for that, and IMO, you should tell him so. Kids live what they learn, and whether or not it's right or wrong, they are learning potty language from him. How is he going to explain why it's *right* for him to use that language, but *wrong* for the kids to? Sorry, but I think he needs to change HIS ways. He is the parent, he is their dad, it is up to HIM to act mature and set the example.

By Reds9298 on Monday, April 3, 2006 - 01:22 pm:

Ditto Karen! I'm REALLY sorry you're having to deal with this!! He should be mature about it. Parenting means setting an example. How can she be punished at her age for imitating others? That's how she learns for Heaven's sake!

I got mad at the dog a few weeks ago and said something about him being "stupid". Natalie immediately repeated it and let me tell you it really put me in my place! I don't want her using words like "stupid", let alone curse words. I don't know what will work because he has to see how important it is before he'll ever change.

DH and I both had potty mouths in our own home and that came abruptly to an end when Natalie was born. Yes, I still feel like saying #$%^&*@ at times , but that's just the way it goes. Sometimes I'll let a few fly after she goes to bed and I feel much better!LOL

We all change our ways to a certain extent when we have kids. This is just one of the things he's going to have to change.

By Tonya on Monday, April 3, 2006 - 01:29 pm:

I agree totally with you Karen but being in Cat's shoes totally as well. He has slowed down on using it but it is still there and man she can hear it a mile away. And she never forgets nothing!!! What gets me is she uses it is context and it makes sense.

I am trying to curb him by telling him potty mouth or having Jade do it and even Timmy does it when he hears DH say something hopefully he will catch on soon cause I have had it with my 2yr olds mouth. I also do as Cat says and when he says it I say something else hoping what I say will sink in to him and her.

By Emily7 on Monday, April 3, 2006 - 01:40 pm:

The day my dad stop saying those things was when my brother repeated it in Sunday school. The Sunday school teacher asked him where he learned it, in front of my parents, then she & the minister had a talk with dad.

By Vicki on Monday, April 3, 2006 - 01:47 pm:

Tonya, I know it isn't funny at all, but dd always used "aww sh*t" at the right times too. LOL Only when she dropped or spilled something. Once I stopped saying it and told her that it was a bad word and to tell mommy if she heard me say it, it stopped very fast. I am just glad that is the only word I used!!

By Mrsheidi on Monday, April 3, 2006 - 03:42 pm:

I really think that parents should want their children to be better than them and end up in a better place in life than themselves.
She will use that language outside of the household and will represent herself and her family.

When she meets people and talks like this, she is representing a lack of control. People are respected for taking control of their words and how they represent themselves.

Sorry, but saying "That's bullsh!t" just shouldn't come out of a lady's mouth. In real life, and later on down the road, it would hurt her ability to lead others because a person with a lack of control isn't really worth looking up to. Anybody can swear. I'm sure he doesn't want her to be just "anybody". She is someone special and he needs to treat her that way.
JMHO.

By Reds9298 on Monday, April 3, 2006 - 03:48 pm:

Very well said Heidi.

Regarding the soap, I'm not against putting soap in the mouth of a child who is old enough to know the difference. But Jade is what, 2?? Soap in her mouth and honestly even punishing her to me just doesn't seem right. The answer lies with him. He needs the punishment because he's being childish. Jade is a little sponge right now! Everything she sees and hears is a learning experience.

I would tell him if he chooses to use that kind of language to do it elsewhere. These are your kids, who depend on you to raise them right.

By Crystal915 on Monday, April 3, 2006 - 04:02 pm:

Prepare to get upset with me, but honestly, we curse in front of the kids. They will OCCASIONALLY repeat a cuss word, but not often, and we just tell them that's an adult word. When it's all said and done, if the WORST thing my kids grow up to do is cuss, I'm ahead of the game. Words are simply that, it's the connotations in our heads that make them "bad" words. The bigger of a deal you make of them, the more kids will repeat them. I think that's the reason our kids don't repeat them very often, if one of them says something, we say "No, that's an adult word, you shouldn't say that." and move on. It takes the power away from it. And YES, I realizewe could stop cursing, but in the environment (predominately male, fairly crude) that our life exposes us to, they'll hear it anyway.
As for those words coming out of a lady's mouth, well, I consider myself very much a lady, and can restrain my language in situations where it would be inappropriate or offense to the people around me. Perhaps in some circles there is never an "appropriate" time to cuss, but that's not the world I live in. JMHO!

By Reds9298 on Monday, April 3, 2006 - 08:50 pm:

LOL Crystal! Like I said, I'm a serious potty mouth, but people that aren't close to me would never know it. The people that are closest to me though (my parents, DH, in-laws) will tell you that I can out-cuss a sailor anyday. (Just a note though,too, I lived with a Mom who said "f" when she dropped a bottle of ketchup instead of the standard "sh**",but I got in big trouble for saying it myself.)

I agree with you about the fact that they are just words, and I also agree that all in all cursing is the least of our worries as parents. Sadly though, the kind of language we all use really represent us in society, and whether that's fair or not it's certainly true. Just as our appearance creates impressions (again, unfairly) so does our language and that's my personal main reason for wanting my DD to speak a certain way. Honestly, I think words like "hate" and "shut up" and "stupid" are MUCH worse in meaning and they make me cringe as much as "f" or "sh" anyday.

I also agree Crystal that things you don't make a big deal out of generally fade away, but I think if Tonya for instance has talked to her fiance about what's important to her regarding the kids, then he should try to go along with that. Try, at least.

By Dawnk777 on Monday, April 3, 2006 - 10:44 pm:

I agree that Tonya's partner should at least make an effort. I certainly knew early on, what words I was not supposed to repeat. In fact, I really don't say them a whole lot to my parents even today and I'm in my 40's.

My kids have heard their share of swear words from DH and myself, but neither one of them has a potty mouth. If I do hear the occasional bad word coming out of their mouths, it's usually at home.

I wouldn't say they were fed a steady diet of cuss words, though. They don't really like to hear people swear out in public, though, anymore than I would.

By Tonya on Tuesday, April 4, 2006 - 08:34 am:

Thanks ladies. I will say thank you to you all. I talked to DH last night and he told me he understood and he would try really hard and I will say last night he did really well. He had to sub words and catch himself at the last minute and sometime what he would say instead was kindof funny. And when the kids were in bed he said until then he didn't realize how bad his mouth was until he had to keep catching himself. He told me he was sorry and he would work hard to get it out of his system before he comes home from work.

And on a side note not sure who said she is not old enough to understand but she does. Yes she is 2 but when she whispers the word under her breath because she knows she is not suppose to say it that means she knows what she is doing so she is old enough for punishment like a drop of soap on the mouth.

Again thanks ladies for listening you are an excellent sound board for problems.