On Sunday, Rylee couldn't fall asleep, and she kept fighting with me to take her nap. I eventually put her back in bed, and rubbed her head until she fell asleep. Now...she won't sleep unless one of us, usually me, rubs her head. If I don't do it, she stands at her door and screams bloody murder. I hate that, so I do it. I don't mind doing it, but I just don't want her to expect it. What can I do?

By Amecmom on Wednesday, December 7, 2005 - 03:28 pm:

Oh Rayanne, I wish I knew! Helen was sick and I started going in to her when she cried and rocking her and now, she won't go to sleep without me! She keeps waking in the middle of the night three or more times and just cries long and loud until I go. I know I started it, too, and I don't know how to start it, especially since she shares a room with her brother.
I've tried pick up, put down, and cio.

I hope somebody can come up with some helpful suggestions, because I don't have any. I can just sympathize with you.
Ame

By Unschoolmom on Wednesday, December 7, 2005 - 04:37 pm:

If you don't mind, keep doing it. If she expects that every night will end with a calming and loving routine like that then I think that's a nice gift. Cherish it and make it into a time where you can relax with her. It'll stop one day and looking back when she's older you'll think it stopped too soon.

By Hlgmom on Wednesday, December 7, 2005 - 09:43 pm:

Ditto Unschoolmom!

By Tink on Wednesday, December 7, 2005 - 09:53 pm:

My ds did something similar to this and it was very sweet but restrictive. I couldn't leave the house around bed or naptime and I really didn't like him being dependent on me to get him to sleep everytime he woke up. I set up a strict bedtime routine that included me rubbing his back (his "requirement") but it wasn't the last thing I did before he went to sleep. After bath and pajamas, he got a drink of water, picked out a book and settled into bed. I would rub his back for five minutes (I set a digital timer so he knew when time was running down) and then he'd roll over and I'd read his chosen book. Then lights out and I'd leave. I started fading the backrub to less time and it became a once-in-a-while thing. HTH, Rayanne.

By Nicki on Thursday, December 8, 2005 - 08:14 am:

Ditto, Unschoolmom!
Lara is three and I still rock her to sleep. She even asks daddy to come and sit with us while we rock at bedtime. It's become a special family time. For the most part she is able to go back to sleep on her own at night, if she awakens. If she's not able to return to sleep, I usually rock her for a few minutes, and she is sound asleep again. I have noticed, at the point when she is just about to go into that deep sleep, she smiles and snuggles against me. I love that moment.

I figure the world is still a pretty big, overwhelming place for a three year old. If I can help her feel more secure and relaxed, I would like to do that. So true, she won't need me that way for ever, and I will miss those times!

By Rayanne on Thursday, December 8, 2005 - 08:14 am:

Thanks Cori

By Monicamomof3 on Thursday, December 8, 2005 - 02:11 pm:

Oh- don't worry. You didn't start a "bad thing". You started another opportunity to nurture and fill her little love cup. You are probably doing something for her that gives her such a sense of warmth that she cannot ask for.

My daughter is 6 and I remember when I "started something bad" with her. I'll have to say that those times at night is the time she opens up and tells me about her school day, friends, experiences with teachers, etc... I can only PPPRRRAAAYYY that this special time with her will continue on. I'm learning that sometimes the things we go ahead and do
(even though we could use a 5 min "breather time") are those things that set them up to be comforted by us later on.


So...

Sing, love, touch, pray....keep on, because one day she will be all grown up.

By Imamommyx4 on Thursday, December 8, 2005 - 02:29 pm:

I so agree with Monica. I started holding dd on my right arm to go to sleep when she was a baby. We lie in the bed, she cuddled into my right arm/shoulder during and after the book and she goes to sleep and I get up and do whatever I need to. Most of the time it is about a 15 minute thing. But I love it. She says "I want to hold you mommy" and we snuggle. After lights out, we talk about all kinds of stuff for a few minutes. Then the talking stops and she's asleep.

Now I dread the time when this will come to an end.

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, December 8, 2005 - 02:31 pm:

My kids really didn't like to be rocked to sleep! I was all psyched up to do that and had to change my ways. Sarah would be so restless in my arms and when I layed her down, she would settle in and go right to sleep. I guess I shouldn't complain, but I was a little miffed.

Emily is 13 and has a little one-on-one time with us, in the car, while we drive to her sister's school and then wait for her sister to come to the car. She always tells us about her day, then! I like hearing about her day.

By Amecmom on Thursday, December 8, 2005 - 05:26 pm:

Ladies, this little love fest is all well and good, but when you haven't slept more than 2 hours a night for a whole week because your little one needs mommy to put her to sleep, the cup runneth over with sleep deprivation, not love . I can't be a good mommy if I don't get rest and I don't want to start her sleeping in my bed, or on me, I want her in her bed without me.

It's a vent, I know. Now I feel better. If my comments offend anyone, well, you can understand how cranky I am, I'm sure.

If anyone has some helpful hints, or just what finally worked for them, I'd really appreciate it.
Thanks,
Ame

By Tink on Thursday, December 8, 2005 - 08:26 pm:

That is exactly how I felt when my ds decided I HAD to rub his back before he could sleep, no matter how many times he woke up during the night. I really don't like the idea of my child depending on me for their sleep. I think it sets a child up for poor sleeping habits later in life. At some point, they have to learn to fall asleep on their own and, as long as they aren't an infant, my theory was that we'd both be happier if he learned to put himself to sleep without needing me right there. I hope both of you are able to get some solid sleep very soon.

By Vicki on Friday, December 9, 2005 - 08:24 am:

Ame, I totally understand where you are coming from. This might sound heartless, but when it is bedtime around here, that finally means my day is done!! I look forward to that. I would HATE a long drawn out process at night or for my child to "need" me to get back to sleep if she woke during the night. Now, of course I am not talking about if she is sick or has a bad dream or a thunder storm or something... but just to need me to get back to sleep when nothing is wrong. I am a person who NEEDS my sleep. It is not pretty if I don't get it. LOL We have plenty of warm fuzzy, love fest moment during the day!! I hope you break the cycle soon!!

By Sophiasmom on Friday, December 9, 2005 - 11:36 am:

Rayanne, It is not a bad thing to have that special time with your DS, especially if you work during the day like myself. I feel I don't get enought time with my DD and enjoy the time I spend with her when I rock her to sleep. She will not fall asleep unless she is rocked. Although I am like Vicki and I need my sleep, so I got her into the routine where once she is put down she will not be picked back up. If she wakes up during the middle of the night she soothes herself back to sleep or puts her paci back in her mouth. You do have to draw the line at some point.

By Rayanne on Monday, December 12, 2005 - 08:14 am:

Well, now Rylee doesn't need me anymore. It only lasted about 5 days. I layed her down on Friday, gave her a kiss and a hug, after I read her favorite book which we read everynight, and closed the door. She never made a peep. I actually got cought up on something, and just forgot to rub her head. She was fine, and now everything is back to how it used to be. I guess while she was really sick, she just wanted her mommy.

By Jackie on Monday, December 12, 2005 - 09:25 am:

I know Im late in chiming in here. But, I dont think it was a bad thing. Ive rocked all 3 of my kids for along time. My kids actually never went to bed awake when babies. I know, people tell you thats a bad thing, yada yada yada. Now the older 2 kids have never had any sleep problems because I rocked them to sleep. Faith,well she is a different story. I still rock her, or just hold her in bed with me until she drifts off, then I lay her down. I dont care what people say, I dont care about how many rules Im breaking. This is my child, and I love this time with her. As I love that special time with all my kids. I say do what you feel is right, and forget about what others say.

By Nicki on Monday, December 12, 2005 - 02:11 pm:

Jackie, I feel so much like you do. It seems ever since becoming parent, I have been bombarded by the "rules" from well meaning friends and relatives. Doesn't it finally feel good to follow your heart and do what feels right? I know everyone here has helped me a lot with this, too. I now feel I can question the "rules" and trust my instincts. I feel better, and I think Lara is much happier, too.

By Karen~moderator on Monday, December 12, 2005 - 08:39 pm:

Sleep deprivation aside - and I KNOW what it feels like - but those years are short, that time doesn't last long at all. And yes, you do get bombarded with rules. And some rules work well for some families, and don't for others. So IMO, if you have no real issue with it, cuddle, rock, hug, snuggle them to sleep. One day you'll wake up and have teenagers that will cringe at the thought of Mom hugging or kissing them. LOL

By My3cuties on Wednesday, December 14, 2005 - 12:47 am:

aww, nothing like mommies touch when you're sick. Glad it's all back to normal, Rayanne.