Why does Matthew (21 months) have a meltdown every evening? He is fine with me all day long, as soon as DH gets home he completely unravels.

He is difficult and cranky. I know that part of it is just the normal end of day stuff, but DH seems to be the catalyst. DH is good with Matthew as soon as he gets home he takes over, takes him with him when he gets changed and many times helps him with his dinner as by 6:00 pm I've had enough and this is Cameron's cranky time as well. DH is very calm with Matthew, does not get him reved up.

Matthew has been a bit of a Daddy's boy for the past little while (started before Cameron arrived). It's kind of like the kid who is well behaved at daycare all day long and then has a meltdown when the parents arrive. I know that this is probably a stage, but what can we do to less the chaos?

Suggestions?

By Bobbie~moderatr on Tuesday, December 6, 2005 - 08:34 pm:

At 21 months how verbal is he? And give an example of when he is throwing the melt downs? Is he still napping? When and for how long? Are the melt downs directed at you or are they just in general?

By Heaventree on Tuesday, December 6, 2005 - 08:53 pm:

Not too verbal, only words and he can't express himself, if he wants something he points and grunts. If he wants juice or milk he goes into the frige and hands me the milk or juice. If he finished his food he throws it or shakes his head.

He only naps once a day, I can't get him down for two. He sleeps from 11:30 am until 1 or 2 pm. Sometimes I will put him in his room at 4 pm if he seems tired or wired. He will play on his own for an hour maybe nap 10 minutes, but usually just plays.

The meltdowns are in general, I have a bit more of a hard time coping as I've been with him all day. DH has more patience in the evenings so he usually takes over, which helps.

A typical meltdown, examples: not wanting to get into his highchair, fusses, pushes me away, complains, cries if I try to force the issue. Throwing his his food. Wants up on my lap, I pick him up, wants down, put him down, wants up. Crying and whining the whole time. If DH leaves the room he tries to follow and cries if he is unable to. Difficult to distract. Prefers Daddy over Mommy.

Does that help?

By Amecmom on Tuesday, December 6, 2005 - 10:35 pm:

He could be having trouble expressing his feelings : daddy is home and he's excited, daddy was gone all day and he is mad, daddy's with him now, he wants mommy.

Most little ones have trouble with transitions.

It will pass. Hugs.
Ame

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, December 7, 2005 - 08:16 am:

It all sounds pretty typical to me. I know that doesn't help, other than to know that your son isn't the only child going through this. Your child can't verbally express himself and he is probably frustrated. He wants one thing and has to do another because that is the choice being made for him and sense he can't say no he has a melt down. Unfortunately the only suggestion I can make is to try to get a feel for him and work with him on a way to communicate. Like when you say yes, shake your head yes. He will pick up on the motions faster than he can the speech. And ask questions... Because even though he doesn't speak he does understand. It is tough when you are waiting for your verbal skills to catch up with the rest of you. Talk to him all the time. Repeat words.. Are these your socks? Yes they are your socks. (shaking head yes). He should start picking up two word speech pretty quickly at his age. But you have to talk, talk, talk. When he wants juice say, Do you want Juice? Yes you want juice (shake your head yes). Imagine being a little man with no way to express yourself. You can't tell that you are hungry, in pain, tired, sick, thirsty, cold. It is very frustrating for them and because they have no other way to express it, it comes in the form of a melt down. Another suggestion will be to prep him for daddy coming home, which goes back to the talking to him. About a half hour or so before daddy comes home start talking about daddy and what they might do together. He might not be able to talk to you but he understands.. This to shall pass... It is just figuring out how to get around it for the time being. Because soon enough he will be verbal and then you will have a whole other bag of issues... However, I do suggest you try to figure out away to nip the fits in the bud because it can become a very bad pattern that will continue on for a long time. Talk to him calmly and deal with him in a calm manner.

Example. This morning my sister was trying to get her DD ready for school. DD wanted a candy bar instead of breakfast. DD started to have a melt down. Sister said what about... (listing off other good things) DD still having the melt down. Sister says okay a compromise... I will give you ONE piece of the candy bar but you have to eat something else for breakfast.. And you will have less of the candy bar for later. DD said I want a bowl of cereal. My niece just turned 3. But my sister staying calm, let her DD know that she wasn't going to win this one. they would either compromise or it would be nothing.

By Heaventree on Wednesday, December 7, 2005 - 10:06 am:

Thanks both of you.

Bobbie, thanks for the reminder. I do talk to Matthew but I guess I could expand on the conversations a lot more.