This just recently started in our home. My two sons have started calling each other names when they are angry at each other. Usually it follows some sort of disagreement during their playing time. They call each other things like poopoo head and toasty chunks with bugs on it. Yeah, they are 5 and 3. They are getting pretty creative with what they call each other, and none of it is vulgar. However, I know that the intent is to hurt each other with the words. How do I stop them from doing this? I have no clue what to do other than telling them it's not polite.

By Trina~moderator on Wednesday, May 21, 2008 - 05:23 pm:

A great article.

Sibling Rivalry

By Boxzgrl on Thursday, May 22, 2008 - 11:09 am:

No idea. I get to listen to "meanie head" all day long. I think i'm going to read that article later today.

By Debbie on Thursday, May 22, 2008 - 04:42 pm:

I have two boys, now 10 and almost 8. I have always tried not to get involved in their arguments(and name calling), unless it gets out of hand. If they really keep at it, I just seperate them. I try really hard not to take sides. If they come to me bickering, I tell them to compromise, and work things out themselves.

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, May 22, 2008 - 06:13 pm:

My kids weren't allowed to call each other "dumbhead" (I think that was it.) I thought it was just too mean-spirited and just didn't want to hear it. Sometimes, in their imaginary play, one of the characters would say it, but in the "play", that character always got "disciplined", so I did allow that.

By Deneen1 on Friday, May 23, 2008 - 09:08 pm:

I have girls age 14 and 11. I have tried for years to get them to be kind to each other. They are still mean spirited when they argue. I remind them they are sisters. Of course, they think I'm silly. Now, I simply ignore the name calling and reward the loving behavior when it appears.

By Enchens on Friday, May 23, 2008 - 10:01 pm:

Thanks for sharing your experiences, ladies, and Trina, thank you for the article. I'm going to try to not step in like the article stated, unless there's physical harm, and I'll work on the coaching.

The name calling mainly comes out when they are playing with toys. The younger one always wants what the older one has. You know how it goes. They have a million toys but he wants THAT one. sigh.

I'll try the advice for a week and update.

I'm so glad I have you all to come to when I need help.

Thank you.

By Enchens on Tuesday, May 27, 2008 - 11:55 pm:

Ok, someone please tell me this is a case where it gets worse before it gets better. My younger monkey has noticed that I haven't been intervening as much and is now causing his poor older brother more anguish. (I think they're born knowing which buttons to push).

Should I continue to let them work it out even though the name calling and disagreements are increasing?

By Tink on Wednesday, May 28, 2008 - 01:23 am:

Yep! It's called a behavior spike and it's often seen when a new discipline method is used. That's why you so often hear parents say that they don't _____ because it didn't change their child's behavior. When they realize that this is how you deal with name-calling now, they will start working out their own issues and see logical consequences for their behavior choices. Good luck!

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, May 28, 2008 - 08:19 am:

Yeah, since it isn't pushing your buttons, he's trying harder to get you to react!

By Colette on Thursday, May 29, 2008 - 05:59 am:

One of the teachers that I used to work for would tell the kids that "words (or name calling) hurt hearts, her heart and the child who is called the names heart, and that hearts take a very long time to heal" and she would look at them with a sorrowful face. It worked every time especially with little kids.

By Enchens on Thursday, May 29, 2008 - 01:02 pm:

Thanks Colette. I'll try that.

They've been the same so I think their behavior is starting to plateau instead of spike. I think....

It's so hard to tell. I'm still working on this.

By Vicki on Thursday, May 29, 2008 - 04:06 pm:

My mom always told us she didn't want to hear about any of it unless someone was bleeding or had a broken bone. LOL She was very good at ignoring it. LOL

By Enchens on Saturday, June 7, 2008 - 11:50 am:

Hi, ladies. Here's an update. The good news. The name calling has been very scarce if even existent this past week! The bad news? They are starting to get physical. They do have a consequence for getting physical. It is absolutely not tolerated.

So my here's my question, is this another case of getting worse before getting better?
(sigh)