Having a second baby???
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2005:
Having a second baby???
My dd is 16 mos old and I just cannot decide if I want to have another one! How do those of you out there with and without feel about it? I get alot of flack from people sometiomes about not providing her with a sibling. My dh definetely would like another but I am a little on the fence! I love having one- so fun! I guess I am worried about handling two and having to do things differently the second time around! Ilove how I was able to do things with Zoe and I am concerned about her well being as well! I know that these are all probably normal mom worries- but I am hoping you ladies can provide some insight...how hard it was in the beginning, how close they are together..or if you only had one- success stories or regrets???
Thanks! I am really enjoying being a part of this board! I think I am a bit addicted though! I was never even much of a internet person before this- now I am on here everyday! LOL! 
LOL, you're certainly not the only one with a MV addiction!
Yes, definitely normal mommy worries. I remember being in your shoes when DS (baby #1) was 12 mos. old. It took almost 2 yrs. to conceive DS. We didn't know if we were ready to go through that again so we decided to wait until DS was 15 mos. before revisiting the TTC discussion. Wellllll, when DS was 13 mos. I started gagging while brushing my teeth. The only time I had experienced that before was when I was newly expecting DS. Oh my! My period wasn't due yet but I *knew* I was pregnant. DH laughed it off and refused to believe me because we had such a hard time conceiving the first time. I waited until my period was a week late, took an EPT and gave it to DH. Positive! We were shocked and scared, but then excited. Obviously a higher authority made the decision for us. DD was born when DS was 22 mos. old. It was rough in the beginning (I won't lie about that!) but we adjusted and figured it all out. I'm so glad things worked out the way they did!
How involved was your dh? I mean was he alot of help in terms of housework or baby care?
DH took 3 weeks off work after each baby was born (via c-section). That in itself was a tremendous help to me because at the time we had no family nearby. I have to admit he was much more helpful the second time around because he wasn't a nervous, "new" daddy any longer. LOL! I did (still do!) the lion's share of housework and childcare, but despite the fact DH works A LOT of hours, he's more helpful than most hubbies. (So I've been told.) I have no complaints.
3 weeks? Lucky you, Trina! Although, DH was right between jobs, when Emily was born, so he was home the first week! After that I was pretty much fine, anyway.
My sister and I are 15 months apart. As I started to figure out what that really meant (getting pregnant again when you're baby is only 6 months old and 15 month olds still need to be carried sometimes), I decided I didn't want them that close together. So, I didn't start getting baby fever, until Sarah was nearly 2. She was about 2 years 7-1/2 months, when Emily was born.
My girls are 22 months apart, too. We hadn't planned on having a second child (my DH and I had considered having only one child), it just happened-but we are so glad we have her . My daughters are also great friends since they are close in age. They do have their times at each others throats but I am really glad they have each other. In some ways it was harder to have a second child and in it was also easier. It is harder to have two little ones to take care of but at the same time you have already experienced a lot with your first and raising the second does not seem so hard. You trust your mommy instinct a lot more and don't worry as much about what the books have to say. My DH was in the middle of getting his graduate degree when my second DD was born so he was pretty busy. My mom did help out by coming almost once a week.
I can only tell you from the perspective of an only child and this is just in my opinion. I wish my parents would have had another child. I have a half sister, but we grew up 13 years apart and in different homes so it's not like we are really sisters.
I was bored and lonely a lot as a child. I have talked to my sister and she felt the same way. I prefered the company of adults, even when there were other children around I would have rather spent time with adults as that is what I was used to. I know things are different today and parents are more involved with their children and kids go to play groups and what not.
I see how close my DH is with this siblings and I think that it is a unique wonderful thing that I really can't understand fully. I want my DS to have that close bond with someone else his own age. We discussed many times just having one child, DH only wanted one, I think he feels the pressure of being the sole income provider and putting two kids through university. I sometimes think about DS when both DH and I are gone, I want him to have some other family around. We live a long way from family so it's just the three of us. Another reason is DH is 38 and I'm 37, late to be parents I think even today but we really took our time and wanted to be sure. Anyway I said to DH "Do you want to be the entertainer, if we have two they will play with one another". That kind of goes back to my feelings have not having anyone when I was growing up. We also moved a lot when I was a child so I was always having to start over and make new friends which was really hard for me. I think that if I had a sibling I would not have had such a hard time interacting with other children.
Do you have siblings? What is your relationship like with them? Have you ever thought about what it would have been like not having them growing up?
Many of my feelings about having a second stem from my feelings of lonliness as a child myself. This is somthing you have to decide on your own and determine what is best for all of you. Good luck with your decision and keep us posted.
I have those same questions. My dd turned 3 yrs old last week and I LOVE her to pieces but I can't really imagine having another child. It seems so perfect right now. We do get a lot of flack for not having another child already from family and friends/acquaintances who are only children.
DD asked me last week if she could have a sister to sleep with her at night. I told her "Uhhh... we'll see." So, the next day she asked for a puppy. ;)
I have a sister and couldn't imagine life without her, so there's the guilt thing of not affording my dd the same opportunity of a sibling. I will say, that as she gets older, it's getting harder to keep her occupied because she wants someone to play with and I'm not always available.
Although I truly do believe that you can grow up well adjusted and happy as an only child, it has got to be lonely. There are just things that a brother/sister's love give you that nothing else can replace. OMG, I think I just talked myself into having another child. Good luck to you!
We talked about it some more today and I think we are going to think about trying at the end of the summe if all is well. I do have a sister and we are 5 years apart- we were never very close until she was in college- now we are VERY close! Dh has a brother- 3 yrs apart- they are very close!
I want towait until she is closer to 2 because I really want her to wean herself- and I can't imagine it would be before then- I have no problem nursing her while I am pregnant- but they sometimes wean due to changes in milk taste and I don't want to rush her!
She will be two in November.
We shall see! I so appreciate everyone's input! Some days it seems like the best idea in the world...others...well you know! LOL!!
I guess I didn't wonder about it that much. I always wanted at least 2 kids, so I just waited until Sarah was around 2 and then we tried for it.
After 2, then there was no doubt in my mind! That seemed like enough work to me! LOL!
We always knew we wanted at least two. Before we started having kids we'd talked about having four! I told dh I'd give birth to the first two and he could give birth to the second two. lol My boys are 22 1/2 months apart. We did lose one pregnancy between them. If we hadn't they'd have been 19 months apart. Sure, the first year or two were hard, but they really play together well and with all the moves we've made in the past 10 years they've always had each other. Yeah, they can fight like most brothers do, but they're SO bored when the other's not around! I can totally understand your idea of some days it seeming like the best idea and others not. Heck, there are some days I wonder why I had ANY kids at all! jk--sorta There are advantages and disadvantages to having only one child and the same for having more than one. You just have to decide what's best for you and your family. My sil and her dh have an only. He'll be 15 this summer and I couldn't imagine them having any more than just him. For them, he's MORE than enough! lol I do remember while pregnant with my youngest wondering how in the world I'd ever love another baby like I did my oldest. Ya know what? It wasn't a problem!!! One look at him was all it took! It's amazing how our hearts can grow. Good luck with whatever you decide (although, it sounds like you've already decided ).
|
Members
