Adopting a child?
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2005:
Adopting a child?
Does anyone have any knowledge (first hand or otherwise) on how to go about adopting a child?
My cousin and his wife are in the middle of a divorce (drug issues) and they leave their only child who is 2 to my uncle (my cousin's dad). My uncle still lives with his parents (he's 52), he doesn't have a job, doesn't help around the house, and gets paid a small amount by the boy's mom to take care of him.
The boy doesn't talk much...he just jibber jabbers and says a few words..."football", "all gone", and a few more. I don't think he even knows the words "mom" and "dad" because they only see him once a week each.
I feel for this child...he doesn't have a decent role model and his caretaker is his grandpa who is jobless (and has been for a while), and it's too much for great-grandparents who have alzheimers and heart conditions.
My DH and I want to adopt him...how can we approach the situation? I don't want him to end up in a DHR situation and taken from family.
Also- they live in another state...if that helps.
I dont have any experience in this but I think first you need to make sure all the parties are ok with your decision. If uncle doesnt want to give up guardianship, or if the mom and dad dont agree I dont know if you would have much of a chance forcing the issue. If it does end up as a dhr issue, make sure that they know that you are willing and able to step in and be foster parent. It takes quite a while to disolve parental rights. GL
Adoption done within a family is different than regular adoption. Your best bet would be to call an adoption agency or adoption lawyer, and find out what it entails. Actually, I'm sure you could find out the details if you look up adoption on the net, for your state.
I am an adoptive mom, but I'm in Canada.
Contact an attorney who specializes in family law. You have to be able to pass a background and fingerprint check. Be wary. Some of the worst fights are between family members over custody of a child.
You definitely need a lawyer - probably in the state where the child presently lives. And Ame is right, some of the worst fights in a family are over custody.
I suggest the first thing you need to do is to raise the subject of the boy living with you with his parents - not adoption, but having him live with you, and see how that goes. That will give you some idea of whether they are at all receptive to the idea of him living with someone other than his grandfather, and in another state.
But in the end, even if they are receptive and eventually agree to allow you to adopt him, you will need a very good family law attorney in that state, one who has experience with adoption. There is a site for checking out this kind of thing, and I will check when I am at work tomorrow (in a law office) and post it.
Thanks so much! I just love this child...he's such a sweet boy. It's SO sad his parents only want to see him once a week.
Well I want you to be prepared for the long haul. Though my experience isn't first hand its very close. My DH's stepmother and father were trying to take custody (between ohio and indiana) of HER NEPHEW, there are many cases of physical, unintential and emotional abuse with him. The story is long if you need more info I will gladly email you the details.
In our area its much harder for family to get the child opposed to a complete stranger (ridiculous I know).
Each state is different. Dealing between state lines can be very difficult. And by no means am I saying to give up. I think if you have it in your heart to try for this child you should but our family had been through so much (its truly unbelievable) I really think you should be prepared. There is alot of joy and alot of pain.
Anon, our family has been through alot with this my email is on my profile if you have questions. We have been through so much with this its hard to even go in to.
I agree with all of the above. DH and I are adoptive parents; however, we adopted through our state CPS. They are half brothers, and their mother's parental rights were terminated by the state, due to abuse and neglect. The fathers are unknown.
In our training class was a couple who were looking to legally adopt their grandchildren. It was a mess. The childrens' mother was their own daughter. Each child had a different father. Even though they were relatives, they still had to go through the process: background check, home study, ten weeks of training. What they were attempting to do was called a "kinship adoption".
Long story short, they finally succeeded, after getting their daughter to relinquish her rights, THEN, tracking down each father, to do the same. The adoptions were finalized last summer.
It's a tiring process, but well worth it! It also sounds like that little boy NEEDS you badly. He's so young, he needs young parents. Even though his grandpa may love him, it doesn't sound like he has much to offer, either financially or emotionally.
I agree...you need to talk to a lawyer whose speciality is family law for your state. Most lawyers won't charge for an initial consultation. Fight for the little guy. He needs you.
I used to work in foster care and as others have stated it is a long drawn out process. Your best bet is getting them to agree to this. Because I can bet if your DHR gets involved they will do everything they can at first to reunite him with his parents. Unless the parents just flatly refuse from the get go. I bet this grandpa is going to have hard time giving up this kid if he is only source of income. How sad. If they don't listen to reason you may have to call DHR but be prepared for the long haul. -
|
Members
