Helping Preschooler Adjust to a New Baby
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive July-December 2004:
Helping Preschooler Adjust to a New Baby
I thought I'd ask for any words of wisdom to help my son (2yrs 9mon) adjust to the immanent arrival of his baby sister. He knows baby sister is in mama's belly and that she'll come to live with us soon. He knows she's very tiny. Every time we see a baby I point out to him that baby sister will be just like that. He also points out babies to me. I've been preparing him as best I can. I try to teach him patience by making him wait for things, I call him my big boy, I get him to "help" with things and I let him entertain himself as much as possible.
Do you have any advice for other stuff I should be doing? What really worked to help your older child adjusted to a new sibling?
Ame
He is at a great age, that is about what my oldest was when the second was born, we worked really hard at getting him ready and he did Wonderful!
Check with the place you are going to deliver sometimes they have a sibling class that is great. If they don't call the hospital and ask for a time to take him on a tour, one of the nurses will show him around and explain what is going to happen, where you will be, where the baby will be, etc. He will even get to see some newborns. Keep reminding him that new babies don't do much but sleep. I would also get him a doll.
Talk to him about his "roll" as "big brother", to protect the baby and love the baby...etc.
I also let him pick out a present for the baby and I had him a present from the baby (a camera so he could take pictures...he LOVED it). I also made him an "I'm the big brother shirt". I asked the school first to make sure it was okay then he took bubble gum cigars to his class that said, It's a boy!
Keep telling him how lucky this baby is going to be to have such a great big brother....I once read that you should not tell them How lucky they are to have a new baby.
Roll play with the doll about how fragile babies are and he is NEVER NEVER to pick up the baby without Mommy or Daddy. When he asked to hold the baby I always let him, we practiced and I sat with them but he always did well...he even got to where he would want to feed him. But be sure to remind him to TELL YOU WHEN HE IS DONE HOLDING THE BABY because you will need to get the baby out of his arms....some kids have a tendancy to say I'm done and just dump the baby out of their arms.
Above all talk to him about how special he is and even though the baby takes a lot of attention he is very important to you. Talk to him about jealousy and how we all feel jealous sometimes and if he is feeling that way you are always there to talk. When the baby is sleeping work on spending some quality one on one time with the oldest, I have "date nights" with my kids where it is just me and them doing something special.
I hope this helps..
When you come home make sure some one else is holding the baby. I picked my ds up & had someone set dd on my lap. He thought I had her for him. It is hard to do sometimes but make Mommy & ds time, away from the new baby.
We showed ds a picture of dd in mommy's tummy & he went to a few doctor appointments with me. There is also some great books out about becoming a big brother.
He really is at a great age! I had a 2.5 year old when my DS was born. She was great! She loved to help by getting diapers and wipes etc. She was quite concerned when visitors got too noisy. She would tell them they needed to be a little quieter around the baby.
Just make him feel super important! Everything will work out great 
A lady who had children close in age, like I do, once told me to tell the older siblings how much the baby loves them. So, we did that and it was really a great thing. We would always say : "Ashlyn, Cooper loves you soooo much. He thinks you are a super neat big sister". We told her that a LOT. She loved it!
Chrissy listed lots of good ideas above. Although I would pass on the cigars thing. I know I would be upset if my DD brought home a candy cigar from school. But, that's JMHO. Maybe if he goes to nursery school he could take some cupcakes or something to celebrate that he's a big brother now.
Good luck!!!!!!
BTW, does the baby have a name yet???
My kids are 3 1/2 years apart. My first child understood that Mommy was going to have a baby and that a little brother/sister was on the way. I took her to hear the baby's heartbeat and I let her buy the baby presents from "big sister." AJ
He's been to most of my OB appts. and almost all of my ultrasounds (I've had at least 7). I love all the suggestions above! I would never have thought of them, especially not holding the new baby when we first come home.
Yes, she has a name. She'll be Helen Emelia, for her grandmothers.
Thanks for the advice and all the good wishes. We could all use some happiness now, after my sister in law's tragic passing.
Ame
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