My 3 year old daughter has a real problem these days with hitting and kicking and even occasoinal hair pulling. She MOSTLY torments her eight year old sister, but mommy and daddy get it too, sometimes. She doesn't do it to anyone else. I don't know WHAT to do. I'm totally at my wit's end. I don't really HAVE a discipline method for her as she's never really needed one before! She won't go to her room, and if I physically put her in it she doesn't stay at all. She laughs as she's apologizing. Taking priviledges away has done nothing. I don't LIKE her sometimes. Any ideas???

By Kate on Monday, August 9, 2004 - 08:06 pm:

I should add that she is closer to four...she is 3.9 years old. I'm a SAHM and she does not go to preschool. She's also very affectionate and loving, so touch seems to be her thing, I just need it to consistently be NICE touch!

By Pamt on Monday, August 9, 2004 - 08:29 pm:

Well, I'm personally a big fan of the book and method in "1-2-3 Magic." It is basically a time-out method that gives lots of examples and shows you how to be very consistent in discipline (the key!), even out in public. In this instance, personally I would tell her the rules before she misbehaves, such as: "Daddy and Mommy aren't happy with the way you have been kicking and hitting. When we see you start to hit then we will count to 3 and the behavior better end before we get to 3. If it doesn't you will go to time-out." Pick out a time-out spot that is relatively boring. We always used the base of the stairs. A room is good if the child hates to be away from the action, but if she likes to play alone then it may not be the best option. Anyway, try to catch her right before she hits and count "1-2-3"...don't take your time either. Let's say she goes ahead and hits her sister. You scoop her up and put her in time-out. The recommended time is 1 min/yr, so 3 minutes for her. If she gets up, runs away, screams, etc. tell her she will sit quietly for 3 minutes before she gets up and you will start the timer when she is sitting quietly. The first time or 2 it might take 30 minutes to get the 3 minutes of quiet sitting. Each time she gets up or screams...whatever...then say, without emotion, "uh-oh you got up so we'll have to start all over." You may have to say/do that 15 times, but she will be learning that you ARE consistent, there are negative consequences to her actions, and you will follow through on her punishment. the 1-2-3 Magic approach is big on not lecturing---just swift and routine consequences. It worked wonders in my household and I highly recommend the book. Good luck!

By Tink on Monday, August 9, 2004 - 09:16 pm:

I totally agree with Pam's suggestions. Consistency is the biggest part of discipline. To be totally honest, since she is three and you say she WON'T go to her room, you will have to make her. There are plenty of times I have to pick up my daughter (who is also 3) and put her in time-out and then stand right behind her until she realizes that she can't leave until I ok it. A friend of ours used a carseat propped against the wall to restrain her daughter until she understood that time-out was not under her control. It only took about 5 times for her daughter to figure it out. I would also suggest, after the behavior has been minimized, to reward her with a hug or tickles when she is in a situation that used to cause hitting and she restrains herself.