How many years apart do you feel that your dd and boyfriend should be, how many years apart is to much? My dd friend is seeing a 27 year old man, and he has two kids , she is 17 soon to be 18. My dh thinks this is way to much of an age difference, I go back and forth. We have been discussing this issue with dd, and she keeps bringing up the fact that my sister and her dh, are 10 years apart and they met when my sister was 18. Our dd, has been talking about the 27 year old's cousin who is 21, which I think it a little better age difference, but ....... this boy/man is seeking help for alcholism. dd freaked out when we did not like that in a potential boyfriend for her, she said at least he went out and got help, ( which is true). But we are still not crackers on this guy especially since dd girlfriend said he fell off the wagon the other day and got in alot of trouble,in another town. Things parents want to avoid? that would be one.dd, is upset because she has never had a boyfriend, and the (one guy she likes) we don't like him. She just does not know what she is getting into here. I have been trying to teach my girls not to pick a drinker for a husband. dh family are mostly made up of acoholic's and it makes life really tough.

By Rayanne on Sunday, July 4, 2004 - 10:59 am:

YOU ARE DEFINATELY IN A TOUGH SITUATION.
My DH and I are 3 years apart and my parents had an issue with that when I was 16, soon to be 17, and he was 19, soon to be 20. We fought all the time about it, and I always threw in their face that they were 5 years apart. I think the age here is a bit much, but the only advice that I have for you, is that you can't choose who your kids fall in love with.

By Texannie on Sunday, July 4, 2004 - 11:09 am:

I think that's too far AT THAT AGE. The life experiences of a 17 year old and a 27 are so very different. It's not the same as a 30 and 40 year old.
I can remember at 20 dating at guy who was 30. The thing that clinched it for me was when he started talking about his "Nam experience". At 20, I could not relate at all. I was thinking sorority stuff and he was dealing with having fought in a war.
Especially if this guy has a problem with alcohol.

By Melana on Sunday, July 4, 2004 - 09:26 pm:

Ok, here's how I see it, being a little closer to you're DD's age, and also being married to a man that's seven years older than I am. From the situation I see, I do think ten years is a bit much, My DH had just turned 24 and I was sixteen, almost seventeen when we started dating, that was four years ago, and we've been married since the 1st of Dec. of 2003. His drinking is a BIG problem, you may need to sit down and talk with him, and first find out WHY is he dating a 17 year old, and what they could possibly have in common? BTW, how long have they been dating. You also need to ask your dd, is she really wanting to be a step-mom at the age of 18?? I know I wouldn't have wanted to be. It's true that women mature faster than men, I think my DH is just now catching up with me, lol, but I don't think that they mature THAT much faster that at 17 she is as mature as him, or that they could have anything in common. Is she sleeping with this guy?? You may want to find out, and make sure she's using protection. There's a lot that I don't agree with, but the age difference I think would be the last thing that I don't like in this situation. As with any potential boyfriend, it's what his intentions are, and wheather or not they both feel the same way about each other.

By Kate on Sunday, July 4, 2004 - 09:48 pm:

The age difference between your daughter's friend and her 27 year old boyfriend is absurd. It's nothing but trouble at this point. As someone else said, if she was 30 and he 40 it wouldn't be an issue. But at THIS point, it is. And she is WAY too young for stepchildren. This man cannot possibly have good intentions.

As for your own daughter, the age difference I'm not sure about because you didn't mention your daughter's age. I'll assume she's around 17? The age difference isn't HORRIBLE, in my opinion, but the drinking sure is! She's far too young to be mixed up in a messed up guy's life. Your daughter has college to look forward to, and a job and a whole new life. She'd only wreck it if she got involved in someone like you're describing.

I don't know how to help you in regard to discouraging your daughter from seeing this man. If you push too hard she may rebel and date him just to punish you. I'd make it clear that she has her life ahead of her and she should involve herself in healthy relationships. Just be there for her...be clear on how you feel about the guy, but also be clear on how much you love her and that you will always be loyal to her. Be ready to pick up the pieces if she gets involved with him. Good luck.

By Dawnk777 on Monday, July 5, 2004 - 01:12 am:

Sheesh. My daughter is almost 15 (8-4) and I wouldn't want her dating someone 10 years older who already had kids! 21 even seems too old. She hasn't been on a date yet. Last year, she did all her fun stuff with girlfriends. I'm not ready for the whole dating thing, but I got my first kiss when I was 15! Argh!

Also, the alcoholism is a big red flag in my book! I dated a guy in college and almost married him. His dad was an alcoholic! Now I wonder what was I thinking then? He ended up breaking up with me. Although, I didn't think so at the time, it was probably a blessing. Now, I don't have to worry about alcoholism in my kids' gene pool! Oh, and my parents were relieved when we broke up, not that they really expressed their displeasure all that much. Fortunately, it fell apart on its own.

DH gets along famously with my parents. No alcoholism in his family or mine.

By Babysitbarb on Monday, July 5, 2004 - 09:44 am:

ditto, like Dawn said. I think once they are of age 18 and out of school then there's not a whole lot we can say but, right now she's still under age. I also have a 15 year old and can't imagine letting her date(which she doesn't yet)someone 10 years older. I agree also that when they are older and more mature then that would be a different story.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Tuesday, July 6, 2004 - 01:21 am:

I started dating my DH when I was 16 and he was 23. I turned 17 a little less than a month later. So we are 6 years apart in age. BUT, I was not your average 17 year old either. I think personal maturity factors in here too. I had next to nothing in common with the guys my age. My father was military and I grew up around adults. My parents were one of the only ones in their group of friends to have children let alone be married. And I am one of those "old souls". But would I sit back and let my 15 year old daughter date a lets say 21 year old. No way in HE**. My daughter is not mature enough to make the kinds of decisions she would need to be able to make in that situation. So any guy wanting to date her at 21 years old would be looking for a toy someone to manipulate and take advantage of. Because she honestly (God lover her) doesn't have much more than that to offer a "grown man". So like I said I think personal maturity plays a factor in the age range of boyfriends or lack there of.

Oh and I think the guy with the two kid needs find himself a woman, not strap some girl with his misfourtune and children..... JMHO


Oh and DH and I have been together 17 years...

By Children03 on Tuesday, July 6, 2004 - 06:54 am:

Personally, I don't think that a 17 year is mature enough to date a 27 year old. I just remember being 17 and even though I was more mature than most girls my age, I still don't think I would have been ready to date a 27 year old, especially if it meant dealing with his two children too. That is a lot of responsibility. I guess when she turns 18 there just isn't a lot of control a parent can establish at that time (I just pray that I will be able to hopefully establish that kind of control in my girls now so I won't have to worry so much when they are 18, because I think you have to mold them early in age so that they will make the best choices as they get older.) I don't know, maybe this girl is very mature or maybe the 27 year old man is immature.

By Kernkate on Tuesday, July 6, 2004 - 09:45 am:

I have to agree with the majority here. 27 is way to old for a 17 year old to get involved with. Only my opinion.
I have a 18 year old DS and would probably freak if he came home with a girl or woman that was 10 years older then him.

By Mommierenee on Tuesday, July 6, 2004 - 12:33 pm:

I was 18 when I met my husband, and he was 26. If you try & forbid it she will want to see him! If you just let it be, if she decides she doesn't like him, she will let him go!