13 year dd and her hair
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2004:
13 year dd and her hair
I know this may be a moot point but it starting to drive me bonkers!
She has long hair which is curly and can be frizzy. She hates it. She can wear it in a pony tail or bun and it looks cute.
She would rather use an electric straightner so she can wear it long. When she does this she gets many compliments.
It is starting to get to the point where she doesn't want to go anywhere unless her hair is straightened first. Yes, even to the beach!
I think she is becoming to consumed with this and says to me:
"Well, if I had it professionally done, then I wouldn't waste my time doing it". That's not going to happen anytime soon in this household. 
I know I should just let it go but if she would rather stay home than go skating in a dark arena because her is curly in a ponytail, then I see a problem.
I have told her she is more hair. But at this stage in her life she doesn't feel that way.
Any wise words from anyone BTDT. Thanks!
I think at this age you should count your lucky stars that her biggest concern is her hair, lol! I would let her do what ever makes her feel comfortable. This age is so difficult with peer pressure and if thats what gets her through it then i say let her. If she isn't smoking or using drugs then her hair issure should be a blessing. Self esteem is hard to come by at 13 so if she gets it from straightening her hair thats great!!!!
Well, I will just say this. My hair is naturally curly, actually, more wavy/curly, and is frizzy in humidity, which there is a lot of in south Louisiana, as I know there is in FL as well.
I always wished for straight hair, actually I still do. I understand how your DD feels. It always made me feel *ugly* to have curly, frizzy hair when it seemed like everyone else had straight, smooth hair.
Funny thing is, many years later I wore my hair permed. If she takes some time to notice certain *famous* people who wore curly hair that was beautiful - Mariah Carey, Rebecca Gayheart (who played Dylan's wife on 90210), Andi McDowal, Gloria Estefan, to name a few - their hair was BEAUTIFUL - and when I had my hair permed, I tried to achieve a look like Mariah Carey's when I did it.
Try to approach it from another angle - tell her that yes, the straight hair is pretty and many people are wearing it, but they all look alike. Tell her that if she wears it naturally curly/wavy, she will stand out and be *special*. If she has a lot of frizz problems, buy her a hair product that will cut down on the frizz and give her hair a *smooth* curly look. Let her know that SHE will be the one that stands out in the crowd with her pretty curly hair. Try to find some pics online or in magazines of famous people with curly hair and maybe that will help.
Personally, for me, I wouldn't mind mine being curly if it was a little more curly, since it's sort of in between curly and straight. Jen has been letting hers dry naturally, using some styling products to calm the frizz, and it looks great.
Actually, probably many of those girls she is around probably spend a lot of time and money making their hair look that way, and wearing hers natural is less trouble and will really be pretty!
Good luck!
I am really in to good hair styles and cool shoes. LOL So I let my boys hi-lite and do different stylish hairstyles (nothing tacky). I am actually trying to talk my oldest into letting his hair grow out (long and shaggy) like all the teen guys at church are wearing their hair right now. He just rolled his eyes at me. I am probably not a good one to give advice on this! lol
Ok how much does it cost to have it professionally done? What is the process and how long will it last?
How long does it take her to do her hair on her own at home? Is there a quicker way to do it?
Maybe *she* can pay for it to be professionally done?
When I was 13 I was getting a new hairstyle every few months--whatever was in style I wanted to try it. My Mom didnt care-- she was glad I didnt turn out wanting to dress like Madonna or a punk rocker. I wanted to look like the models in my YM magazine. I really got into stylish clothes then too. Ahhhh to have that teen body back. Now I'd be happy to throw a tent over me if I could find one big enough.
I have the same issue with my 14 year old dd! She straightens her hair wherever we go...and she has straight hair! I'm like, It's already straight!! She even straightened it to go to the pool one day!! This is the style right now...it'll pass. Till then, I guess we just have to put up with it. (When I was in high school in the early 80's, I used hot rollers every day. I guess it's not much different!)
This is not really a "hair" issue, it is "all the other girls" and "but everyone" and peer approval and so on. And believe me, having been on both sides of this battle, it is a losing battle for a mother.
Can she babysit or do other things to earn money to pay for the professional straightening? That would be an option I'd suggest. I know when my middle son, who really cared about appearance, wanted labeled clothes instead of what I was willing to pay for, that is what happened.
Thanks everyone. I guess I am going to take a step back. What it really boils down to is that I must adjust to having a teen-ager. We are entering the dreaded "generation gap". Sigh!!!
I will be patient with her hair techniques, she uses a flat iron, but I will not allow her to chemicals put on her hair. She will have to set her alarm on special outing days.
Having special processes for hair, nails, toes done, to me at the age of 13, only contributes to the overall "look perfect" stigmas placed on our young girls.
Young girls her age want to be average when most of them can soar on their own wings. I must keep reminding myself of this.
I thought having an infant, baby, then toddler, then 4 year old, then more babies was trying...
Now I know why my parents would say "One day when your a parent.....". I'll be patient. Please say a pray for my patience.
By the way, we may go to the beach tomorrow if the weather is nice. Around 10:30 am. She is informed.
Annie,
LOL! I'm SOOOOOO glad I'm not going through this alone. I, too, have a 13yr. old DD. Although, I see from your profile that you are in for WAY more of this than I...I have only one girl and THREE boys (the reverse of your family)....My boys are SO much easier to deal with (even combined) than my one daughter. She is a GOOD girl, an average student, and a competitive gymnast (she trains 5 days a week)...but she has a new and "different" sense of style lately. Last year, it was all about clothes from Limited Too...this year it's "Hot Topic"....At the end of meet season this year, we allowed her to have the tips of her hair dyed blue (it was expensive, and I knew it wouldn't last, but I had no REALLY GOOD reason to say no, so DH and I decided to let her do this --we're of the "pick your battles wisely" school of thought ;)...She had it done on May 5, and it's almost completely faded out now. But, she felt GREAT after she had it done, and walked into school feeling great about herself and her freedom to express herself (in this small way)...She knows that when we say NO, it's for a good reason (safety or moral concerns, usually) and that we are willing to give her some freedom as long as it doesn't endanger her...Now that she's seen how quickly it faded, she doesn't want to do it again. But she's happy that she was able to try it. We have the same battles over clothing: she can "express herself" as long as the clothing covers a decent amount of flesh, and isn't obscene. It is SO hard to be a teenager these days--I don't think we should let them make all their decisions based on peer pressure, but I also don't think we should demand that they go against the crowd just to prove the point that they don't have to conform.
I wish all of us luck in getting through the teen years - and I'll try to remember the angel-faced cherub dressed in pink that she was as an infant LOL!
My girls don't have issues with hair. They both like it long, just brush it in the morning and throw it into a ponytail! They are almost 15 and 12. (Ok, the younger one could still wash it more often, but she does brush it every morning.)
Also you might want to tell her to give her hair a rest once in a while. I think member of the board said the flat iron ruined their hair.
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