Test to see if you are ready to become a Parent. (You can add to it if you like)
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2004:
Test to see if you are ready to become a Parent. (You can add to it if you like)
Child Readiness Test
SO, YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT HAVING
CHILDREN? STOP AND TAKE THIS TEST FIRST
TO SEE WHETHER YOU ARE READY!
MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the
couch and leave it there all summer.
Put a crayon in a pocket before you wash
the clothes.
Stick some chewing gum on the bottom of your shoe and walk all
over the carpet.
Mine:
Pour some milk in a sippy cup and drive around all summer with it hidden in the car.
Spend a 4 days at the hospital sleeping on the floor, while nurses wake you up every 1/2 an hour
Take a cookie and crush it and sprinkle it all over the car.
Take some spit and smear up the back window.
TOY TEST
Obtain a 55 gallon box of building blocks. Have a friend spread them all over
the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen
barefoot. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night. Also, spread some
larger toys around the yard, making sure to leave at least one riding toy
directly behind the car.
GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as
you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making
sure that all the arms stay inside.
FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the
ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy
cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Finally,
dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand.
Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag
until 9:00p.m Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00p.m. Get up, pick
up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen
more and sing these too until 4:00a.m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make
breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years, and always look cheerful.
INGENUITY TEST
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into
an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive
candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a
ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the
Eiffel Tower.
AUTOMOBILE TEST
Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and
put it in the glove compartment and leave it there. Get a dime and stick it into
the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies and
mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the
outside of the car. There, perfect.
LEARNING TEST
Think of an animal that starts with the letter "N". Find a word that rhymes
with "Purple." Locate an object that was made in Austria. Buy a protractor and
a pack of 3"x5" index cards. Find out about and do all these things the
morning they are due at school.
PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes.
Leave it there for 9 months, then remove 10 of the beans.
PHYSICAL TEST (MEN)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter and ask the
clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head
office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store.
Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
FINAL ASSIGNEMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child or two. Lecture them on how they
can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and
child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that
they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It
will be the last time you will have all the answers.
ROFLOL!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL Feona! That was great!
Too funny!
 that hilarious!
That is funny!!!
Funny and so true!!
This is so true and funny if it's not happening to you!!!!
Too funny!!!!
those were tooo funny :0 & SOOO true LOL!!!
LOL! So true!
To the mess test I would add:
Vacuum the carpets. Fill your shoes with sand and then dump it all over the same carpets.
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