We are *thinking* about taking our 4 daughters with us to China to bring their brother home this summer. It will be a loooooong trip but we hate the thought of leaving them for 15 days and it would be nice for them to be involved. They do travel well (haven't been overseas with them yet though). We are going to VERY urban cities in China...much bigger than where we live so many of the "comforts of home" will be there as well. I'm looking for input...is this a good or bad idea??
The girls are 11, 8,7 and 4 1/2 and our son we are going to bring home is 2 1/2.

By Texannie on Sunday, May 16, 2004 - 06:21 pm:

How exciting!!! What a wonderful opportunity for them!! I have traveled alot with our kids, but not overseas. My neighbors took their kids 10, 7, & 7 to Singapore and Hong Kong for 2 weeks a couple of years ago. The kids still talk about it.

By Annie2 on Sunday, May 16, 2004 - 06:34 pm:

I traveled to Japan by myself about six years ago with my, then, 6, 3 and one year old. It went very smoothly.
Make sure you have plenty of "new" things for them to play with. Keep them as surprises. When the child starts to get ansy (sp) or bored, offer them a surprise. Things like little tubs of playdoe, small sets of toys, new gameboy game, cards, drawing utensils, travel games, bring a laptap with DVDs, CDs, new books, new journals for them to document everything, disposable cameras so they can take pics of what they want...to name a few.
Bring along plenty of snacks, drinks, a few changes of clothing, in case they spill, layerd clothing so they can take off or put on if they get warm or cold, favorite cuddly toy.
Pack toothbrushes, moist towelettes, lotion, Dimetapp to ease ear pressure, deoderant, ear plugs, clean socks in a carry on.

I think it is a wonderful idea to include the kids. Remember to bring along plenty of patience and good humor for yourself! If people give you dirty looks if your kids start acting up, remember that you are trying your best and you will NEVER see those people again. ;)
Good luck and congratulations!

By Amecmom on Sunday, May 16, 2004 - 06:51 pm:

I think they will enjoy it. In addition to all Annie has said, also talk to their pediatrician about any necessary innoculations they may need in going there. I may be way behind the news, but have they gotten the SARS and Asian Flu things under control? Just something to think about ...
Ame

By Mommmie on Sunday, May 16, 2004 - 10:31 pm:

I took my then 20 month old to Rome, Croatia, and Bosnia and would not do that again. Since he was still stroller age I had him in an umbrella stroller a lot, but it was tough bec other countries don't have to have every place wheel chair accessible. I had to pick the whole thing up everywhere, starting at the Rome airport, and climb up and down stairs. It was exhausting.

Since I imagine you will be doing a lot of waiting knowing the purpose of your trip and you will be at the mercy of other people's schedule, I wouldn't take them.

By Kate on Sunday, May 16, 2004 - 10:51 pm:

I guess I think it's a lovely idea in theory, but a bad idea in practice....

I imagine it's going to be very hard for a 2 1/2 year old to adjust to two new parents...let alone four siblings! It might just be waaaaaay too much for him. I also think it will be too hard on your girls. Will they get the attention they need and deserve when you both have to pay so much attention to your new son and paperwork and such? And to be in a strange country where they don't speak the language or understand the money easily, etc. It's a long flight, and going home you'll have FIVE kids to deal with! And as someone said, SARS is still scary.

I'd go alone and enjoy the time one on one with your new son. I think you and your husband and son all deserve that special alone time. You'll miss the girls, but I think it'll be best in the end. JMO.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Monday, May 17, 2004 - 12:04 am:

I will agree with Kate on this one. This isn't going to be a family vacation. I think the bonding time with DS would be a lot smoother with just myself and DH. And it would be a lot easier to make appointments and such not having to drag the other four along. We all know how over stimulating and stressful trips like this have the posiblity to be. Wish there was some way you could get input from other adoptive moms that have chosen to take the trip with their other children and ones that have opted out of it. But I will say that I would find someone I trusted to care for my children while I would be gone. I would make up special things for them to do. Maybe welcome home banners, posters, t shirts even a cake for the special arrival (making them feel a part of it). This would be one trip that DH and I would be taking by ourselves. I would want the bonding time with my new child and at 2 1/2 I think that it would be easier to bond if he had my full attention. JMHO of course. I can't wait until you bring him home by the way.

By Bea on Monday, May 17, 2004 - 12:35 am:

I'm torn on this one. I love travel, and we dragged our kids everywhere. LOL I agree that it's a fantastic opportunity. Will you have the time to do some sight-seeing, or will you be totally involved in the adoption process? Your three older girls will always remember the amazing things they could see and do on a journey like this. It will also help them to understand their new brother's native culture a little. Your youngest won't have a clue.

I'm just afraid that the stress of your objective for this trip will be hard on all the children. If it's financially possible, I'd wait and take this trip with all of them in a few years, when there's no agenda but travel and relaxation.

By Mommyof4 on Monday, May 17, 2004 - 09:25 am:

Thanks for all the advice...actually many adoptive parents and agencies say that children do much (paritcularly older children) when there are other children there..our oldest dd is also asian and I remember when she came home there was another family at the airport with their adopted son from Korea whose sole purpose that day was to be there so that she would see someone who looked "familiar" and it worked as long as John was sitting where she could see him she was OK and let us hold her and talk to her (she had not seen John before she walked off the plane so he was a new to her as we were).

The trip to China will include a great deal of sight seeing. There are a few meetings but not that many when you consider you are there for well over 10 days.

By Texannie on Monday, May 17, 2004 - 09:35 am:

I know when some friends of ours adopted from Russia, there was a tremendous amount of "downtime" waiting for paperwork and such. They also got to go on a daily outing with their child. That would be a great way to introduce your family to each other.
I would ask your doc about SARS though, but other than that I vote go for it!

By Kate on Monday, May 17, 2004 - 09:44 am:

Ohhhhh, well I know what *I* would do then! I would take ONLY my eldest daughter! Hey, with age comes priviledges!! She's at a much better age than the other girls, and she can actually be a help, and she will look 'familiar' as you said, to your new son! Are your other three adopted, as well? This will be neat for your eldest to see the process that SHE went thru, although she doesn't remember it. That's my best advice, take only her. I know my own 3 1/2 year old and eight year old would have zero interest in China, but that's just MY kids...maybe yours are more into that kind of thing. Disney World appeals much more to them than strange foods and buildings, LOL.

By Happynerdmom on Monday, May 17, 2004 - 09:47 am:

If it were me, I would take the kids. We lived in Singapore for three years when the kids were small. (18 mos. and 4 when we moved there.) The plane trip is long, but doable. (You can do ANYTHING for a day or two, right!) Just make sure they have lots to do. I think they would be a big help to you, and you won't have the extra stress of worrying about them and missing them. You are right, the big cities have everything you need and more! If you don't bring them, you know every other thing out of your mouth will be "Oh, dd would LOVE this,", or "Oh, I wish ds could see this!" Also, I think it will help them feel much more a part in the whole process. JMO, but I'm a big believer in kids experiencing other cultures, and it is definitely a great opportunity for them. Either way, savor every minute, and have a great time!

By Melanie on Monday, May 17, 2004 - 11:49 am:

My first reaction was to take all the kids with you to welcome their new sibling into the family. I based that on our friends who took their then four year old daughter with them to China to bring home her sister. I don't think not bringing their older daughter with them was ever an option.

But the more I think about it, the more I tend to agree with Kate. I think if I were in your shoes I would want to use those two weeks to bond with my new son and put all my focus and attention on him. When Peyton was born I had my mom here helping me. For those two weeks all I did was hold my new daughter because I knew once she was gone and I had to be the primary caregiver of all three, I wouldn't have nearly as much opportunity to just sit and bond with her. I treasure that time we had together. Your son is already 2.5 so he is going to be overwhelmed by everything without adding the extra activity of four more kids. I think you two should go, bring lots of pictures of his sisters and just focus on bonding with him and making him feel safe with his mommy and daddy.