Help getting a 6 and 10 year old to go to bed, etc
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This is for my sister - who has 3 kids, and one on the way. This problem has to do with her 2 oldest who are 6 and 10.
"our major disipline problems is leaving someplace fun and coopreating to get in the car, ride in the car, and go home to go to bed."
She says her 10 year old son will actually refuse to get out of the car when they get home. The 6 and 10 year old will fight a lot -and give my sister a very hard time when it is time to leave a fun activity. How do you/would you encourage your kids to leave somewhere fun and get home and get ready for bed without all the drama!!! I will collect your ideas and pass them on to her. Thanks!
At my house, if they didn't want to leave the play area at McDonald's, all we did was say, "The bus is leaving" and start walking away. They always came!
I don't have advice for refusing to get out of the car, though.
Well, if they can't leave an activity when it is time, then they shouldn't be able to go to any fun activities for awhile.
This is how I would handle it, I would sit down with her two oldest, I would tell them that this behavior is not acceptable, and that from now on if they can't leave somewhere fun when it is time to go, then they won't be able to go do fun stuff for X amount of time. She can decide how long she wants to do it. I would then tell them exactly what I expect of them. For example, get ready to leave the first time I tell them it's time to go, get out of the car right away when they get home, get ready for bed without a fight, etc. Now, if they don't follow the rules that have been explained to them, I would give them 1 warning, that if they don't leave and act the right way they will loose their priviledge to do fun stuff for awhile. If they continue to not follow the rules, then the next time they want to go do something fun, I would tell them "no, last time you didn't follow the rules." If she makes her expectations clear, and follows through with the consequences, I am sure the bad behavior will end really soon!!
Does she give them warnings? Like "we are leaving in 10 minutes"...then "we are leaving in 5 minutes" that usually worked with mine. THis way they had a heads up instead of all of a sudden saying "o.k., time to go!"
I read in a book once to give them a "choice" like saying "do you want to leave now, or do you want to leave in 5 minutes" it's sort of a trick question, but with smaller ones it works just fine  . Mine would say "5 minutes" and when that time was up, they were ready to leave.
If they are still refusing to leave, we just say "o.k., BYE! we are going home, you can stay here" and just start walking to the car. It works EVERY TIME? LOL
I don't know what to tell you about him not getting out of the car. I would just say "fine, sleep in the car!" He'll probably decide to get out eventually.
Do they have down time before bed? Maybe she can get them to just go to their room and read for a while before bed, so they can wind down?
I would make sure that they know that if they can't behave & listen that they won't be doing anything fun for quite a while.
I have the fit throwing when it is time to leave McDonalds or a park sometimes & I just let them know that this is a privilage, I don't have to take them there & they won't go again if they don't straighten up & get ready to leave by the count of 10. It works for my 3 & 5 year old, in fact I had to do it yesterday with my 3 year old, by the count of 3 she had her shoes in hand.
She needs to explain that this behavior is not acceptable and she needs to mean it. She needs to set up ground rules and stick to them. No matter how much they beg, she needs to stick to her punishments. My oldest DD did this too.
We explained to her that she would get a 15 minute warning and that we would count down every five minutes until it was time to go. IF she didn't comply she would loose a privilege for two days. If she threw a fit before she got the privilege back she would loose it for an additional two days. She was given a count of five to get herself out of the car, if she didn't comply she lost a privilege for two days. IF she threw a huge fit and still wouldn't get out she lost another privilege. She knew the rules clearly, we went over them when they were set up. We would reminder her of the rules regularly, we would reminder her while we were getting ready to leave what would happen if she didn't follow the 15 minute rule and we stuck to the rules. She knew what she would loose because we had that already decided before we left the house and she knew she had to choose, throw a fit and loose whatever. It wasn't a threat, it was the rules and she learned very quickly to follow them..
Thanks everyone - I will pass these on to my sister! I only have a 4 year old - and so far setting his expectations has worked for us.
Thanks!
Amy
My son sounds a lot like their kids...
Someone here suggested talking about the activity as they were leaving, like "Did you have fun? Do you want to come back again?" That helped, especially after I gave warnings.
I could also be that those kind of activities are too close to bedtime. It's hard to downshift from 4th gear to 1st... can she reschedule those outings for the morning?
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