Fear of Thunderstorms
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2003:
Fear of Thunderstorms
The other night we had a Thunderstorm in the middle of the night and my 6 yo DD woke up a mess. She was shaking, crying, sick to her stomach and vomited. It took me a long time to get her settled down and then she kept asking if it was over yet and was it coming back. She could hear the thunder in the distance.
She has always been afraid of thunderstorms, but it seems to be getting worse. I tried to talk to her about it and she says the noise is what scares her. I told her that she was safe in our house and that her Dad and myself are there to protect her.
I thought of calling her pediatrician to discuss it, Do you think I should? Does anyone else have a child that is so afraid of thunderstorms and how did you help them???
Any advice??
WELCOME to Momsview, Mom2tess!
My kids (4.5 & 6.5) are also scared of thunderstorms but the fear seems to lessen with age. They don't seem to bother DS as much any more. I occasionally have to sleep with DD (my youngest) if we have a noisy thunder storm.
Here's a good article.
http://www.parentcenter.com/refcap/33490.html
Grade-schoolers and fear
It's normal for your grade-schooler to be fearful. After all, anxiety is a natural condition that helps us cope with new experiences and protects us from danger. Grade-schoolers' worries are rooted in reality, though fears of the dark or the supernatural (ghosts, monsters, and aliens) may still persist. Some kids may still be afraid of animals, insects, and forces of nature like fires, thunderstorms, and earthquakes, though these fears are likely to diminish during the elementary years as your child gets more familiar with such phenomena. News stories about death, crime, violence, war, or natural disasters may also cause anxiety. Your 6- to 8-year-old may also worry about a serious illness, accident, or death in the family, since he now understands the significance of these events. A shy, sensitive, or withdrawn child may be afraid of strangers or social situations such as birthday parties, summer camp, or even school. Most of your grade-schooler's fears will pass as he becomes more secure in his world.
What you can do to ease your grade-schooler's fears
Acknowledge his fears. Don't try to minimize your child's worries just because they seem trivial to you. Instead, let him know that you understand that he's afraid, and that everyone is afraid of something at one time or another. If you're reassuring and comforting, then he'll learn that it's okay to have fears and that there are ways to confront them. "Try to depersonalize the fear by getting your child to talk about what's making him scared," says William Coleman, a behavioral pediatrician at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill. "Fears won't go away if you ignore them."
Trying to convince your grade-schooler that there isn't any reason to be afraid will only backfire. If he's afraid of not making new friends at camp, you'll only make him more upset if you tell him, "It's okay, everyone makes friends at camp." Instead, try saying, "I understand that you're anxious about making friends. Let's talk about ways to make that easier for you."
Explain, expose, and explore. Since grade-schoolers are better able to express themselves than younger children, simply talking over their fears can be helpful. (But try not to discuss this at bedtime, when kids are more likely to feel fearful.) Putting a worry into words can make scary things seem less troubling. Or, consider confronting a particular fear together — from a safe distance or in a familiar context. For example, your child might have an easier time getting over a fear of dogs, if he has the chance to get to know a mellow mutt in the neighborhood.
Books and videos are a great way to confront fears from a safe distance. If your child is frightened because someone in the family is ill, read a book about a young child who copes with a similar situation. (Of course, you should avoid exposing your child to anything horrific, gory, or otherwise inappropriate, either on television or in books.)
Teach self-comforting skills. You'll help your child more in the long run if you teach him how to calm himself when he's anxious instead of always rushing to soothe him. If he's upset or agitated, ask him to take deep breaths or sing a favorite song. By redirecting his attention away from the object of his fear, he'll regain physical composure and then work on getting his feelings in check.
Praise every small step and focus your attention on his accomplishments rather than on the fear itself. "Some kids — like adults — do better with distraction, others with more information," says Kristi Alexander, a pediatric psychologist at Alliant International University in San Diego. "Try to figure out what works best for your child and have him use that strategy when he's afraid."
Don't be judgmental. Never make your child feel that he is immature for being afraid, and above all, avoid belittling him in front of his peers. Instead, empathize with him. Say: "I can see that you're really worried about the first day of school." Then together, brainstorm a plan that will help him cope. Talk with your child in a calm, matter-of-fact way about what's troubling him, and let him know that you're confident that he can overcome his fears. Ask him, "What do you think might help you feel less scared?" By encouraging his involvement, you help strengthen his coping skills.
Don't share your own fears. If your child sees you break out in a sweat because you're afraid of flying, or if you cringe when you walk into the dentist's office, then he's likely to feel scared of these things, too. So try to work through your own anxieties, or at least try to downplay them.
It's okay, however, to confess that you didn't like going to the dentist, either, as a kid, but you went to keep your teeth healthy. It helps a child to know he's not alone, and that you, too, learned to overcome something scary.
What to watch out for
If your grade-schooler's fears routinely interfere with his normal daily activities — if he won't go to summer camp because he's afraid of other kids or he sits on the side of the pool during swim lessons because he's afraid of the water — then talk to his pediatrician, especially if his fears have intensified over time. He may have a genuine phobia (a phobia is an intense and persistent irrational fear).
My son had a fear of thunderstorms but I found that as he got older this went away. When he would get upset I would just let him know that the storm wasn't a big deal and that we were safe in the house. I would let him come get in the bed with us until he fell asleep-I think its natural for a child to be afraid of a thunderstorm. They are loud, sometimes you can feel rumbling-sometimes they make me alittle nervous so just think what a little child thinks who can't comprenhend what a thunderstorm even is.
I am not sure I have any advice. My cousin, who is my age 31, is STILL scared of thunderstorms. She use to hide in her closet with her dog. I think she still does. She just got married 2 weeks ago, hopefully her husband can help her through this.
BTW Welcome Mom2Tess!
Im Ds is scared of thunderstorms..He's 8 yrs old.
He hides under his blanket in his bed. The noise is what scares him, the big ole *BOOMS*
I have always told him, its nothing but noise, he knows now, nothing is gonna get him, but he's getting better about them as he gets older.
(I taught him that one LOL hidin under his blanket thing...) I used to crawl under my blanket head and all when I was little, and lay really still, not to move, so maybe the thunder would go away ! lol
I used to be very scared of thunderstorms when I was little too. Not too fond of them now, just curl up to Dh..  I still about jump outta my skin when a big window/ground shakin thunder hits!
 Welcome to Moms View!
Welcome to Momsview!
I think since she's told you it's the noise that scares her, you're doing the right thing in telling her she's safe. I always told my kids that the noise can't hurt them and taught them to count between thunderclaps and they would know how far away it was. Once they understood that the more time between noises, the farther away the storm was, the less anxious they would get. Another thing that helped was explaining to them how the noise was made. Maybe you could buy a weather book that is appropiate for her age and choose a time to read it with her when the sun is shining. I think a lot of fears are of things we don't understand and once we learn about them, it eases are anxiety. If nothing works and it continues to get worse, mentioning it to the dr. wouldn't be a bad idea.
Destyne, who is now 8 remembers a flood from 4 years ago and she is terrified of rain. She hates the thunder and lightning as well, but she is ballistic when it rains or she hears the weatherman say RAIN. I had to buy her a "rain bear" and she keeps it in her backpack for times when shes at school or away from us. Her teachers even know about this and they make sure she gets her bear during class if it rains and if it is a particularly bad storm, they even call me. She has done so much better and last summer, ever rain w/out thunder and lightning I encouraged her to play in the rain, I took picures of her doing it, having a grand time and she looks forward to the rain now. It may get better with age.....Maybe a Thunder Bear would help???
Okay a couple of stories. One I hate thunderstorms, I get scared too! I used to just get uneasy, but this next story did it for me..LOL Okay friends of ours, have kids ages 5, 10, and 11. 5 years ago there house was hit by lighting, no big deal, big loud sound, lost power maybe, but the older kids remember this and get really scared. Three years ago, big thunderstorm, all the kids come to mom and dads room, they are scared. The mom reassures them, it is loud, but we are fine, and so on. At that precise moment, their bedroom wall explodes in...YIKES. They got hit by lighting AGAIN! This time it went through the cable lines and fried every television, the bedroom wall, the chimmeny fell off and broke their AC. So you know what, thunderstorms can be scary!
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