Dh and I are really thinking about adding another child to our family in the next year or two. We have 4 dd already and when our last was born we heard a lot of negative comments from family and others. I am trying to get myself psyched up to deal with all those rude things again and am having trouble doing so. We can afford another child, have room in our home and hearts for another and always wanted a big family. So why do people think it is their place to make us feel bad about something that is truly a blessing? Any good advice on how to deal with the negative/mean comments that I know will come?

By Jackie on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 01:22 pm:

Id say go for it, if you want another baby, then its yours and your husbands business only. Im longing for another baby, I have 2 kids already, a boy and girl. I just suffered through my 2nd miscarriage in 8 months. I have heard some indirect comments too, like well you already have one of each, I should be happy, etc. etc. etc.Your right having a baby is truley a blessing. Im afraid though with my age of 38, Ive run out of time. Sorry I dont have any words of wisdom, but if you and your dh want another baby, then do it, and Good Luck to you.

By Sunny on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 03:15 pm:

I say put your earplugs in and go for it! You won't be able to avoid the comments so expect them and ignore it. I have heard it all. "Are you crazy?" "Haven't you heard about birth control?" "Are you trying to start your own race?" "Are you trying to start your own basketball team?" My personal favorite: "Are you trying for that girl?" etc. etc... It really is nobody else's business if you decide to have another baby.

I have 5 sons. My husband and I had both wanted a large family. When people make negative comments about the size of our family, I just smile and nod and ignore it. If they push the issue, I look at them funny and say nothing. I thought that we would get a lot more comments from people, especially family, when I was pregnant with my 5th child, but they were very supportive. They knew that family is the most important thing to us and we never intended to stop at 2 or 3 kids. As far as stranger's comments, well, they are not important to me and they go in one ear and out the other. Except the (many) times I've heard 'What abeautiful family' or 'God Bless You'. I'll take the many day.

If you do a search, you'll find message boards for large families that are very supportive and could give you a few comebacks if you really need them. I really like this one http://www.thelaboroflove.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&forumid=62&x=15&y=15

By Melanie on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 03:49 pm:

Remember this line, it will come in handy:
"If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart."

Good luck!!!

By Tonya on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 03:59 pm:

I say do it. My girlfriend right now is expecting her 5th. If you can afford it and have the room for it why not?

My girlfrined that is expecting the 5th comes from a family of 4 kids (3 girls and a boy) and in 9 years the 3 girls had 12 kids total. Each girl had 4 all pregnant at the same time with each set. And each mom has 3 of 1 sex and 1 of the other. Eachtime a different sister would start the round but soon after all 3 were expecting. The boy has yet to have any but soon his wife says.

I myself only want 2 total but if you want a big family then do it they will never be alone and just wait until they start all having kids do you know that you will probably need to rent a hall for the holidays.

By Jewlz on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 07:19 pm:

weve heard the same thing and what a studd the hubby can be ... he has a total of 6 kids ... some people can be rude ...like its thier business to let others know what they think about birth control... maybe u can prepare the rest of the family that u and ur hubby are lookin to have another and want more ... dont leave it up for discussion just present it in a way that u are confident in the decision u and he have made ... confidence and kindness is what will get to them ... and i like that sayin that melanie came up with
good luck

By Karen55 on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 09:11 pm:

I think this is a decision that only your and your DH can make. If you can afford to raise another child and if you have the love in your heart to increase your family size, it's no one's business but your own. I know it's upsetting when someone makes you feel bad about something you were feeling so good about, just try not to let them get to you, obviously they can only see things *their* way, and IMO, you do not owe anyone an explanation or justification for wanting another baby. This is YOUR family. Go for it!

By Karen55 on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 09:16 pm:

Forgot to say this: I have 2 kids that I didn't give birth to and 2 I did. I always wanted to have at least 3 of my own. Didn't work out that way for me. If circumstances would have been different for me back then, I would have loved to have had a large family and been able to be a SAHM. It's really the only thing I ever wanted to do.

By Jewlz on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 09:29 pm:

the only problem i see is that ull have to change ur name when all this come about hahaha sorry had to say that

By Brandy on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 09:43 pm:

I say Go for it it isn't anyones else's business especially if you have room and can afford it lol..Like it would be anyways but you get the picture = ) ...

By Brandy on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 09:44 pm:

by the way Melanie i saw that quote in your profile earlier and was going to comment on it soo soo cute. Love it..

By Annie2 on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 10:34 pm:

We have four kids. We received negative intonations when we were pregnant with third and of course with our fourth. We have the funds (could use a mansion to live in though ) and I am lucky to be a SAHM. Larger families are no longer norm in our society as they were 40, 30 maybe 20 years ago. As you know religion and birth control issues have changed drastically within our culture to alter the family size.
After our fourth baby was born , dh and I "knew" our family was complete. Some people know this about their family without children, one child, two, three......this decision is only for you and dh to make together.
You mentioned you have the funds, the space and love for another child. I also believe you need to ask yourselves if the children you have now are getting the attention, discipline , creative outlets, etc. that they need. Would having another child change this? Do you need to concentrate on the ones you already have?
I love, LOVE, LOVE having a big family. I do get the baby vibes now that my "baby" is 5, but there are many benefits to having older kids to try different things, go on different vacations ( we are planning a trip to D.C. and VA next fall, instead of Disney world, for example), taking art classes together, volunteering together, discussing news topics, being active in sports, etc.
I hope this makes some sense to you! I really didn't answer any questions But come to think of it, my user name was given to me....I think I may ask to change it to annie4!!!!

By Feona on Saturday, January 11, 2003 - 09:10 am:

I met someone who had 5 kids. She had a good attitue about the kiddding. (Not that you don't too!)

She told me the family was once at a child's baseball game. You know a whole family outing. Anyway they left a kid behind.

She could laugh at it. The parent who returned her child told her kid that her mommy had too many kids and she couldn't keep track of them.
She could laugh at it. I guess she knew the pros and cons to a large family. I guess there is pros and cons to everything.

I know people with 3 kids who lose track of their kids. I think it must be something with having alot of kids.

I would love my child to have a sibling. More power to you. Wish I could be more like you.

I don't know why I told that story, but I will always remember it for some reason...

By Palmbchprincess on Saturday, January 11, 2003 - 10:30 am:

I agree with everyone here. I think the two biggest factors in having another child (whether #2 or #10) are money and relationship stability. If both of those are peachy, GO FOR IT!!!! People are rude. I get strangers all the time who ask me if I had fertility treatments. Like "Hello? mind your own business!! I say next time someone has a comment, say "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't realize I was living in China! Silly me!" And walk away. As far as family goes, if you feel you want to explain yourself, do so, if not, ignore them!!! Good luck!!!!

By Kaye on Saturday, January 11, 2003 - 11:28 am:

I only have 3, but I have some input. I always have extra kids with me and get those looks, I have had people say to me, you know what causes that right? I always repond to these people, "the blessings of God, wow isn't He amazing". I love children, I love being with children, I didn't have more because of a number of reasons, but one biggie is my husband is finished. It drives me nuts that people feel like that if you have so many kids you can't keep up with them, you deprive them or you might lose them. I can say that I have never lost a kid and I know many a people with one kid that has theirs run off. The number of kids you have does not determine how good of a parent you are. Three kids brought me to a new place in parenting, we spend lots of quality time with our kids, dinners at home, rental movies, game nights etc. Sure it is fun to go out to eat and go to the movies and we do that very rarely, the cost initally made us stay home, but now my kids mostly prefer to be places where we can talk outloud and make comments. Also I save so much more money on toys because how often when you have 2 kids do you buy two of the same thing? With three we don't do that, it just seems excessive. For us we found that when you add up how much you spend on things times three we were able to refocus and it has meant amazing things for our family. The only negative I see is right now the odd number thing drives me nuts, someone is always left out, so I say go for 6..LOL. Good luck and have fun!