My mil passed away in December. My fil is having a horrible time as are my children and dh and I are focusing on getting everyone through this. When she died we rec'vd 200+ cards, memorial masses, etc. My fil couldn't look at them so he asked me to keep them and I took care of all of the thank you cards. There are some really nice letters in most of these cards written to him with wonderful memories of her in them. Right now, they are all in a rubbermaid box, because I don't know what to do with them. Also the books they send with the memorial masses are beautiful, but I don't know what to do with those either, so they are in the box as well. I want to put these into some kind of a memory book or if anyone has a better idea that would be great, and either give it to my fil or keep it here. I have her ashes in a beautiful cloisonne urn on top of a antique cabinet that has storage space in it. It's becoming a little shrine to her, the kids have put candles on it and other little mementoes of grammy, so I thought I could either put it in the cabinet or on the cabinet in a nice scrapbook type thing or like I said, give it to fil.

or should I just throw them out? It just doesn't seem like the right thing to do. help!

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, February 28, 2007 - 08:48 am:

Don't, don't, don't throw them out. Whatever you decide - and I'm sure you'll get some good ideas here - at some point your FIL or your children or some other family member will want to look at them.

By Vicki on Wednesday, February 28, 2007 - 09:21 am:

I am not sure how I feel about the "shrine", but I also don't think you should throw them out. I do believe they will be nice things to look back on. I think for now I would just make sure they are packaged up nice so they can't get damaged.

By Hol on Wednesday, February 28, 2007 - 10:55 am:

I think the idea of a "Tribute Book" is great. I did that when my Danny passed away. I, too, received so MANY beautiful cards, letters, and memories from friends, family, his in-laws, and his co-workers. The ones from the other folks in his squadron (he was active duty Air Force at the time of his passing) really touched me. The fact that they took the time to write, and that I gained a better idea of what kind of a service member he was. (According to his colleagues, a pretty good one. He had received citations that he never even told us about, but he was a very humble kid). Some of the memories were very humorous, which eased the pain. One of his superior officers who was leaving the military to become a pastor even took the time to write and tell me that Dan freely shared his testimony of his belief in Jesus, which also brought tears of joy to my heart.

I put all of it together in two regular 10 X 12 inch photo albums. The transparent sheets help keep the letters and cards nice. I, too, received mass cards in beautiful folders, and though I'm not Roman Catholic, I am eternally grateful for the people who loved Dan and us. I also have the certificates that the military gives you when you get a new medal or ribbon. They all come in leather-like folders. I have it all packed away in a water-proof Rubbermaid tote, only because I don't have the room to display it all, but I take it all out occassionally and look at it. March 18th, it will ten years. I also have the flag that was on his casket in a triangular wooden box with the Air Force symbol on it that the Air Force gave me. That is on DH's desk.

As Ginny said, DON'T throw them away. It may be too painful for your FIL to look at them now, but he may want to, down the road. It is also something that will grow more dear to your DH and DK's as time goes on. It will be something that your DK's can show to THEIR children.

I STILL can't believe what happened. I think about you and your family often because I have been there, too, where it is sudden and unexpected. I have a close friend who is trying to deal with the death of her Mom and I told her about your MIL, and how her glasses and purse were right where she left them.

Thank goodness that your FIL has YOU. You have been a rock for him, and I'm sure that he is very grateful. Poor guy.

I think the shrine idea is nice. You could put little candles and other little momentoes around her urn. Even fresh flowers.

God bless your family. I know how hard it is.

By Colette on Wednesday, February 28, 2007 - 12:00 pm:

Thanks - her glasses and pocketbook are still sitting where she left them. As are her shoes, her mail, etc. He won't move them, I think it gives him comfort.

I like the idea of a tribute book. I really like the name of it. thanks so much.

By Hol on Wednesday, February 28, 2007 - 11:05 pm:

You're welcome. I think that that is the hardest thing about life on this plane...having to live without those we love.