WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
>She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
>Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
>Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
>Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
>And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
>
>
>WOMEN'S REVENGE
>"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman
>wished to purchase.
>As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a
>television set in her pur se.
>"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
>"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with
>me,
>and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him
>legally."
>
>
>UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
>(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
>I know I'm not going to understand women.
>I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
>pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
>and still be afraid of a spider.
>
>MARRIAGE SEMINAR
>While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
>Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
>"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes
>and dislikes."
>He addressed the man,
>"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
>Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
>Pillsbury, isn 't it?
>
>
>CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
>A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
>The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
>He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
>She directs him down the correct aisle.
>A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a
>ball of string on the counter.
>She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some
>tampons for your wife?
>He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife
>to the store
>to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
>tobacco
>and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much
>cheaper.
>So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
>(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
>
>
>WIFE VS. HUSBAND
>A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
>word.
>An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
>neither of them wanted to concede their position.
>As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
>the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
>"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
>
>WORDS
>A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women
>use a day...
>30,000 to a man's 15,000.
>The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
>everything to men...
>The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
>
>CREATION
>
>A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
>so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
>"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
>God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
>God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !
>
>
>WHO DOES WHAT
>A man and his wife were having an argument about who
>should brew the coffee each morning.
>The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first,
>and then we don't have to wa it as long to get our coffee.
>The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and
>you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for
>my coffee."
>Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the
>Bible that the man should do the coffee."
>Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
>So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed
>him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .........
>"HEBREWS"
>
>The Silent Treatment
>A man and his wife were having some problems at home
>and were giving each other the silent treatment.
>Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his
>wife to wake him
>at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
>Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
>wrote on a piece of paper,
>"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would
>find it.
>The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
>and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see
> why his wife hadn't wakened him,
>when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
>The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
>Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
>
>God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
> draft before the masterpiece!
>