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Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive April 2006: HELP
By Anonymous on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 10:55 am:

I was called yesterday & asked what I thought the symptoms of sexual abuse were. I asked the person calling why & she said that her 13 (almost 14) step son was put in a crisis shelter for running away. The crisis shelter called to say that an 8 year old was accusing him of trying something. She also went on to say that she walked in on him & his 11 year old (soon to be 12)brother engaging in oral sex.
I told her to call his doctor & have him admitted to the hospital for counseling. After several hours (gamecube was more important) the dad supposedly called the doctor. I was told that she wants to evaluate him on Monday, that he could be a late bloomer & is just "testing" & being "promiscuous". Does that sound right to you guys.

By Trina~moderator on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 11:22 am:

Definite red flags here. Running away, an accusation from another child and performing oral sex with a brother... These all go way beyond normal curiousity. I think abuse is a very strong possibility. This child needs help!

By Karen~moderator on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 12:04 pm:

I agree 100% with Trina.

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 12:08 pm:

"Late bloomer" my aunt fanny - come on, doctor, get your head together. And a 13 year old should not be being promiscuous (though, sadly, too many are). So many red flags here I can't even think straight - not to omit the dad thinking gamecube was more important than than calling the doctor.

By Anonymous on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 12:13 pm:

The doctor is my childs doctor, I really don't think she would have said that. I am sure my uncle was lying to make it sound like he was doing something.
I ended up calling the Crisis Shelter that my cousin is staying in, the woman I spoke to is going to do something. I just hope it is not to late, for any of them.
She is upset that the parents are trying to pass it off as "normal" behavior.
Thank you for validating my concerns, I knew I wasn't off base.

By Kym on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 12:15 pm:

I'm sitting here with my mouth open, all I can say is we are all responsible for children, and if you have not already done so please call CPS, I can't imagin anyone in their right mind waiting until Monday regardless of where he is, or the shelter allowing him to be around other kids at this point. This just does not add up!

By Anonymous on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 12:17 pm:

Just to let you know she is obligated to report this type of things to the police & DFS. I asked her if I should call as well & she said that I didn't need too. She took my number in case they needed more info.

By Kym on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 12:19 pm:

We were posting at the same time Anon, That's wonderful you called the Shelter! Thank you for taking some responsibility here, it's obvious there are some major issues in his home, he's lucky to have you.

By Crystal915 on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 12:35 pm:


By Reds9298 on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 03:02 pm:

We had a case of 2 first grade girls in our elementary who were found performing oral sex together at recess. (Try to stay on your chair). It was later discovered that there was sexual abuse in the family by the stepfather. So terribly sad.

8 and 11 yr. old brothers DO NOT perform oral sex with anyone (especially each other)unless they have seen it, heard A LOT about it, or God forbid had it done to/by them to an adult. Red flags are everywhere!!! Something fishy is going on here. This is not "promiscuous". MAYBE, if there was a lot of inappropriate exposure to oral sex situations in the home, an 11yr. old might want this done by a GIRL...and if so, something in the home is not going as it should.

You did the right thing, as Kym said. I've worked with CPS, school liasons, and shelters so many times. Let me forewarn you that you might be very disappointed in how this is handled. Hopefully, it's handled right for you, but more often than not it's written off completely until there are 5-6 reported cases of the same event.

I hope everything gets worked out the best for these children. I'm so glad that you are taking part in helping them. It sounds like they need you!! {{hugs}}

By Anonymous on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 04:06 pm:

My uncle called & confronted me. He was screaming & threatening me, saying if his kids were taken away someone would pay. His wife thanked me for making the report, that is why she told me. I don't see why she couldn't have done it herself. I was told he wanted nothing to do with me & that he basically hated me. I am fine with that, that may sound bad, but getting the kids help is more important than what he thinks of me. I just hope that things work out for the kids. I hope that they tell the authorities the truth.

By Tink on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 04:22 pm:

I'm so sorry that you've been put in the middle but if any situation made it worthwhile, it would be this one. {{{Anon}}} At least he'll know that one adult stood up for him and made sure that things progressed through the proper channels.

By Mrsheidi on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 10:58 pm:

I can't believe I'm reading this post. Just mind boggling. Anon, you did the right thing. All of these kids will thank you in one way or another.
This all is just so sad... :(

By Anonymous on Saturday, April 1, 2006 - 08:59 pm:

Dear Anon,

Not to defend the mother's actions as she should have made the call but I was abused as a child and my mother NEVER made the call even though it was obvious to her that something was going on. I to this day don't understand her reasons and we have absolutely no relationship. She only calls me when she wants something. It's sad, but I can't be in a relationship with someone who won't face the truth when her own child tells it. To this day she won't admit anything. :(

It took me telling someone else to finally be removed from the situation and to get the help I needed. I'm so sorry you're in the middle of this but HUGE kudo's to you for making that call. I have a lot of experience dealing with this type of thing and a LOT of people don't want to get involved so they turn their heads to the obvious.

By Reds9298 on Saturday, April 1, 2006 - 09:03 pm:

I'm sure the mother is terrified of the father and that's why she wouldn't report it herself. I completely agree with Tink...this child WILL know that at least you care enough to stand up for him. {{{soooo many hugs}}}

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