How would I address to my husband that he makes me feel uncomfortable about the ways he acts/interacts with our gay friends? Some things that he does and ways that he acts really bother me. Either he is really comfortable with himself that he doesn't see their lifestyle as a threat like other men sometimes do or maybe there's just something I don't know. Sometimes I question whether he's curious about the lifestyle. I know he totally feeds off the attention he gets from men that think he's good looking. This is a sour subject for me and I don't know how to address it with him without pointing fingers and accusing him.

By Vicki on Monday, May 5, 2008 - 02:04 pm:

I guess I am not following you.... is he flirting with them or what exactly is he doing?

By Anonymous on Monday, May 5, 2008 - 02:32 pm:

Maybe flirting? Or just leading them on? Maybe unintentionally? I have no idea. Regardless, it makes me feel really uncomfortable. He's more like that after he's had a few drinks. He naturally has that outgoing personality that can be confused with flirting but sometimes I feel like he's crossing that line a bit much and putting himself in a situation that can lead to big problems.

I talked to my neighbor this morning about it and she saw what I was seeing and even told me she thinks if he had enough to drink she could see him doing something inappropriate with one of our gay friends. So if others see if I can't be over reacting, right?

I just don't know how to approach him about this.

By Vicki on Monday, May 5, 2008 - 03:03 pm:

Well, I don't know if there is such a thing as "normal", but I don't think I could ever see dh acting that way around anyone that he knows to be gay. If someone else sees the behavior as odd also, I would think there is something to it. I am not saying he is gay or even curious, but it seems to be he is crossing a line. Have you talked to any of your gay friends about it? What do they read into his actions? How does his actions make them feel? Honestly, they might be the ones to talk about this!

By Ginny~moderator on Monday, May 5, 2008 - 06:26 pm:

I think the way to approach him is to approach him. And I would certainly NOT talk with the neighbor again. Who knows who she will share this with. You certainly don't want it coming back to your husband that she said that he said that she said that you said.

What you say is "I know it's my problem, but I need to tell you that I am uncomfortable about the way you interact with our gay friends, especially when you've had a few drinks. I am concerned that one of them might think you are flirting, and not see it just as your normal out-going behavior, and I'm afraid that it could lead to hurt feelings down the road." And if he responds in any way that encourages discussion, give him some very specific examples.