I'm frustrated with stupid people!!

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive November 2007: I'm frustrated with stupid people!!

It's been a week since we've applied at the nursing home for medicaid and I just got off the phone with the social worker. I've been run around in circles with these people and I can't ever seem to get a straight answer!

I was at the point in the conversation with the social worker where she asked me today, "So, which nursing home did you have in mind to put your mother?"

UUUUUMMMMMMMMMMM...the one YOU WORK AT!!!!

This whole week, she thought I was just applying for Medicaid and she thought we lived 2 hours south of here. Dear LORD, I about blew gasket. I distinctly remember telling her and the director that she needed to be admitted ASAP last WEDNESDAY. I also told her which city we lived in and she gave me the wrong social security phone number to call to transfer her checks. I've been calling all week and there had been a busy signal and the national one kept ringing. I asked the social worker today if I could email all the information she needed for this evaluation and she said, "I do have an email, I'm just not sure what it is." She asked me to fax it or come in. Yeah, because it's soooo easy for me to round up the troops, come in, and tell you all this information that you needed LAST WEEK BUT FAILED TO ASK. Oh yeah, we also don't have a fax at home. (I eventually emailed it to Scott and had him fax it from work.)

We are leaving for WA next Tuesday and I can't take my mother (Scott's dad wants both sons there as they both were deployed for 2 years and now they're "home"...we're having pictures done, etc and there are no more seats on the flight). Nor will my aunt take care of her while we're gone(which makes me even more angry at this point). I told her we would pay her $340 to take care of her for 3 days of missed work and she refused. She also mentioned that she's going to her inlaws for Thanksgiving and she couldn't take her there. (They live a half hour away and, to add to it, she's divorcing the man...why go to the inlaws???) Long story. Anyway, she's not THAT high maintenance if you don't have a 3 yr old. (My aunt doesn't have any kids and this is her SISTER we're talking about. She's not even helpful in my conversations with her...gives plenty of advice on how *I* should take care of her but offers NO help and even harrassed her to death when she visited last weekend. She's just a selfish person in my opinion.)

There was an admissions director who told me (4 weeks ago) explicitly that the state has 5 days to see her, evaluate her for long term care and now she no longer works there. Don't know if she was fired or she just left, but now I'm left with people who don't know what they're doing.
I found all of this out after I started calling around. Grrrrr....I'm having a HUGE glass of wine tonight.

By Christylee on Wednesday, November 14, 2007 - 07:52 pm:

Have one for me and have two! Sounds like you need it and it's much deserved. I'm sorry it's been such an ordeal getting all of this situated. I can't offer any advice but do offer "e" hugs... Hang in there!

By Breann on Wednesday, November 14, 2007 - 08:00 pm:

Sorry you are dealing with all of this, Heidi. It's a good thing your mom has you to care for her. I would just keep on the phone and bug these people until they push things through just to get rid of you.

By Mrsheidi on Wednesday, November 14, 2007 - 08:12 pm:

Thanks for reading that whole thing...didn't realize it was so long. I appreciate your support, more than you'll ever know.

I just want someone to care about my mom half as much as I do. I finally had to ask my husband to call this lady to be *my advocate* as I couldn't tolerate anymore correspondence with her.

The older I get, the more I ask for help...the deployment taught me this as well. (I *hate* asking for help.) I'm sure, as women, we all hate asking for help...hear me ROAR! SERIOUSLY!

By Cocoabutter on Wednesday, November 14, 2007 - 08:20 pm:

((((((((((((HEIDI)))))))))))

I am glad I at least gave you a good laugh (on the invention board.) I thought that was pretty cute.

Given the ineptness of the admission staff, I would be wondering about the quality of care they provide. It's too bad you didn't have enough time to find her another place to go. I hope this all works out.

By Jelygu on Wednesday, November 14, 2007 - 08:44 pm:

I'm sorry you are having to go through all this crap. My mom went through some similar things with my grandmother.

Enjoy your wine, you totally deserve it!

By Wandilu on Wednesday, November 14, 2007 - 08:49 pm:

Do y'all have any services that will come to your house a couple of times, or so, a week and help with things like giving her a bath, etc? We had that when my mom was still here. I think it was provided by medicaid. I know that won't help your current situation, but you might can check into it for help untill you can get the nursing home situation resolved .Hope everything works out ok

By Kaye on Wednesday, November 14, 2007 - 10:02 pm:

Let me just say that I have been there more than once and it seems the medical community has more stupid people than I was ever aware of!

I am having a glass of wine with you tonight. Mines a "super cab" by barefoot.

By Imamommyx4 on Thursday, November 15, 2007 - 10:17 am:

Can you hire a sitter for her while you are gone. My niece is a certified nursing assistant and stays with older people 12 hrs off and 12 hrs on several days a week. She works for a home health company. Maybe that could be an option for a few days.

By Colette on Thursday, November 15, 2007 - 10:29 am:

If you do hire someone, look around at all of your options. It is expensive, I did this with my fil so I could get some sleep and it was $180 for a 11p-7a shift and more on the weekends.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Thursday, November 15, 2007 - 11:38 am:

Heidi, you are a smart person, imagine how hard it is for someone that isn't half as smart or someone that is physically or mentally ill and fighting this nonsense on their own. Best of luck to you and your mom.. We are here.

By Mrsheidi on Thursday, November 15, 2007 - 01:28 pm:

Thanks you guys...Cocoabutter, I did have time to find her a place but this place was the only one that accepted her. I checked out 6 other places in the area and they denied her, based on her schizophrenic history when she was 40 yrs old or so. It's sad because she's too tired and disabled to be a problem, but because that's on her record, people will refuse to take her.

I think I'll have to look into hiring someone. I barely leave her home alone for 15 minutes to pick up Connor from school. If I do, she is put to bed to rest. I cannnot trust her home alone and I don't know how comfortable I am with someone being here all week without us here.

I might have to look into it this afternoon though.

By Bea on Thursday, November 15, 2007 - 03:13 pm:

I can't rid the world of stupid people, but I can offer a Big Hug to you for dealing with so many of them. You have a really tough job right now. Believe me I understand. God bless you for taking this responsibility.

By Jjandmom on Friday, November 16, 2007 - 08:18 am:

Can't you get a home health service there where people come and stay with you for like 12 hr shifts and help attend to her even when you are home. My ex sister in law takes care of a guy while his wife goes to work and even when she is home they have 4 different ladies from the service to work 12 hr shifts to attend to him , he is 55 yrs. old and is suffering from brain damage but they are slowly getting him back to his feet.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Friday, November 16, 2007 - 08:40 am:

I have a friend with MD, he and his wife get services in their home also. He has an aid that comes in for 6 hours, Monday through Friday, in the afternoon/early evening. This gives his wife 6 hours to nap (he has his days and nights mixed up and she can be up all night long on some days), she goes to the grocery store, plans appointments during that time and she can take that time to care for herself. Which a person giving health care needs.

He is 56 and is on SSD, medicare and medicaid. Due to his coverage for health it is a free service to them.

By Mrsheidi on Friday, November 16, 2007 - 12:09 pm:

Yeah, I've thought about home health services. But, that's not the situation at hand right now for various reasons. I appreciate the help though.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Friday, November 16, 2007 - 05:37 pm:

I am talking temporary aid until you can get everything else rolling. You will wear yourself down if you aren't careful, I know this first hand.

By Paulas on Saturday, November 17, 2007 - 07:51 am:

I don't have any advice to offer since my mom passed at such an early age. I just wanted to give you big (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) and hope things work out for you.

By Karen~admin on Saturday, November 17, 2007 - 09:32 am:

Heidi, I can't offer any advice that hasn't already been given, but I wanted to give you some {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGE HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}.

The up-side to this is, you will go to your grave knowing *YOU* did the right thing. And that is something you can live with, trust me!

By Mrsheidi on Saturday, November 17, 2007 - 06:01 pm:

Thanks so much, you guys... I'm actually enjoying the time I'm having with her. It was so cute last night when Connor was "reading" books to her. I'll have to post the picture soon.

The social worker never returned my phone calls on Friday, so we've decided that we are going to bring her on our trip to Scott's dad's house in WA. I noticed online last night that Alaska airlines had one spot open now on both our flights so I grabbed it.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Sunday, November 18, 2007 - 08:18 am:

Glad things seem to be working out. You are all in my thoughts and I agree.. You are doing the right thing. {{{{{HEIDI}}}}}}

By Yjja123 on Wednesday, November 28, 2007 - 05:56 pm:

You are in my thoughts! I hope your trip worked out!