Pregnancy #2 advice
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My husband and I have a 4 month old boy and lately have been thinking of having another one. My husband really wants to have our children close in age...but I'm not sure about it. He and his siblings are all only 1 year apart and he said as a child, he loved it. My sister and I are 8 years apart. And we didn't have that "closeness".
I would love some advice on whether it's a good thing to have children close in age or if it's better to enjoy them while they're young by themselves. Thanks!!
Just a note, right now your body isn't even fully recovered from the first delivery. It takes a good year for your bady to get back to normal and you really owe it to yourself to make that your first priority in deciding when to have another child. Talk to your doctor about it.
Personally I think a couple of years is good. It gives your first one plenty of time to have you to himself and you time to enjoy him as a baby. And when kids are a little older they can enjoy a baby sibling in a way they can't when they're babies themselves.
My siblings and I were all about a year apart and while I agree it was great for us, my mom still has regrets about it because she felt our infancy rushed by and we didn't get as much time alone with her as babies that we needed. Nevermind the fact that it drove her crazy. 
My sister and I are only 15 months apart. I don't remember ever being an only, since by the time I could remember things, my sister was there! Mine are 2-1/2 years apart, because I couldn't imagine dealing with a 15 month old and a baby all at the same time! I still carried my 15 month old kids across the street, since they didn't walk very fast. Not sure how I would have done that with a baby, unless I would have used a stroller more. LOL!
If my baby was only 4 months old, I would think I would want to wait a few more months before getting pregnant again. I just remember being so glad not to be pregnant, when my first one was born.
God Bless you for even thinking about it! My DS is almost 4 months and my hips and body are just now shifting back to prepregnancy and I still have 4 lbs until my weight is back. This is a personal decision and you need to do what feels right for you!
With my sister and I there are 5 years between us and we are close, close, close! Now, my DD just turned 5 too. It's been nice because she can mostly take care of herself if we have a rough day. I think no matter what, adding a second baby is tough. I think you'll adjust to whatever you decide. Good luck.
This is another one of those things that is unique to each family. Some people are happy with their kids very close together, with others it works better if there are 2-3 years between them. Mine are 15 months apart, but it was not planned that way. Ideally, I would have chosen for them to be anywhere from 24 to 36 months apart, for the simple reason that the older child would (hopefully) be potty trained by the time the baby arrived.
That said, you DO need to give your body time to completely recover from the first birth. I know many people have babies a year apart (my own mom did!), but if you have a choice, IMO you should let your body recover first.
This is something you and your DH need to decide based on what YOU want. I think if you want them to be close, then you would want less years between them. Perhaps you can compromise and find an *age gap* that is appealing to both of you
Definitely a personal choice that differs for each family. I'll echo that you need to do what's right for YOU.
That said, my kids are 22 mos. apart. We were planning on TTC when DS was 15 mos. so they would be at least 2 yrs. apart, however, I got pregnant when DS was 13 months. (We were pleasantly surprised because it took almost two years to conceive our first baby!) Personally, I wouldn't want them any closer than that. They were both in diapers, and at 22 mos. DS was still not very independent. It was rough in the beginning, but now that they're older (7 & 9) I love the age spread. They have their rough moments, but get along pretty well and have similar age group interests.
This truly is a personal decision. My sisters are considerably older than me and growing up I felt like an only child. When my DH and I decided to have a family I swore I wouldn't have my children too far apart in age. Well, it didn't work out that way. After having Gabby it took us 6 years to conceive again with the help of IVF. With all the infertility treatments we went through, we didn't think we could get pregnant again easily, little did we know. Claudia was born 11 months later after Julianna. Although we didn't plan on having the two youngest so close in age, I wouldn't change it. My only regret is that sometimes Gabby feels left out and I can't change that. I had 7 wonderful years alone with Gabby.
I wouldn't be able to do it but that is just me. Once they turn 1 they are really hard to take care of. Well at least Kaylee was. Once she started walking she always wanted down and was into everything. I couldn't imagine having a newborn and going through that. I even had hard times taking showers with her. I would have to wait until the afternoon to one. If you feel like you want to though I would take the advice from unschoolmom and see a doctor about your body.
My sis and I are 10 months apart. I actually read this earlier and my mom was here and I asked her what she thought. Her only regrets were two in diapers, two on bottles ect... Of course my mom did not plan it that way. She said it was like having twins. For me it was okay. But I always felt like my sister was always there. Not that I don't love her or we don't get along. It just would have been nice not to always be at the same events ect... The only big thing in my life I can really remember I did without my sister was one summer she went on a mission trip. I had the whole summer to myself and I went on a trip to Fl that my sister did not go on. I probably sound selfish and a lot of was that we were both girls. Of course now I live three hours away from her and have my own life. But growing up it did not always feel that way. I think if she would have been a couple of years younger that would have been more ideal.
My boys are 2 and 6 months, so they are 18 months apart. As everyone else has said it's a personal choice.
Here's why we did what we did. I was an only child and was quite lonely growing up as we moved a lot from town to town so I didn't have a much in the way of extended family. DH has 2 sisters. He just wanted to have one child, I wanted at least two for a few reasons. I didn't want my child to grow and not experience that sibling love and closeness, also DH and I were 36 and 37 when we started and I said to DH do you really want to be 45 and entertaining an only child? He agreed he did not so we have two. I wanted them close together so that they would be playmates, I thought the closer in age the better, also I did not want to be pregnant in my 40s. We were lucky and it worked out just as planned.
Now the hard part. I am completely exhausted. I have not slept a complete night in 8 months. I have been either pregnant or nursing for 3 years! I want a break and I want my body back. I want my husband back and I want my bed back. Having two so young is tough in the beginning. My second Cameron, was a high needs baby in the beginning and many here can attest to the fact that I almost lost my mind. I remember holding him one day from 4 am to 4 pm straight. I could not put him down. He would not sleep unless he was laying on top of me. The 1st 3 months was really, really difficult.
Today, it's better, Cameron still does not sleep in his crib or through the night but I have given myself up to the fact that he does not and it has gotten easier. Matthew was a super easy baby and I was a bit spoiled by my first. I really had to shift my perspective with the second. I tried to return him to my doctor, but he wouldn't take him back. He said if I had had the 2nd first I probably would not have had anymore and constantly bugs me about sending DH in for the big "V".
So it's really up to you as a couple, it depends on your relationship with your DH and how needy your first baby is. My doctor recommended waiting a year before trying again, but I wanted another one right away, he said your healthy go ahead and we did. No regrets, but it's been tough.
As most everyone else has said, I think two that close can be very hard on your body and mind. Some women can do that and it's worth it to them. If you're one of those women, go for it. Most of us aren't.
I was one of three, all of us four years apart. I have a few memories from before my brother was born and we were close growing up but have grown apart as we got older. My sister wasn't close to my brother or I but she and I are almost nine years apart. We're much closer now and I consider her one of my best friends. We have three children and they are 22 months apart and 26 months apart. The oldest and youngest are four years and five days apart and I love the age difference between them. My second was my high-needs baby (so many second babies are!) but my oldest was "Mommy's little helper" and my third was a very easy baby, thank goodness. We didn't plan to have our last two so close together but now I think it's worked out perfectly.
I feel that you can always find neighbor play buddies for them. You only have so much energy for even just one. Once they start crawling, it takes A LOT of energy just to keep up and then, at 12 months, you have to start discipline, etc. I would wait...
My DD is 7 and my triplet boys are 9mths.She is a great helper and loves her brothers.I love there age difference,mind ya we didnt know there was triplets until 20 weeks along.We just make sure she feels just as important and busy as them.I think its nice to have the older one independent out of diapers and can be more of a helper.What ever you decide is youre personal decision and its nice youre thinking of a sibling regardless of age difference
I would concentrate on getting my body back to normal first. If you have another baby now, you will lose that closeness with you current little boy... and more than likely with another little one, it will be evenharder to take care of two infants. I would wait until he is at least 26 months, that way your boy will be 3 by the time the new baby arrives and that way he can understand whats going on better.
All though, keep in mind your next child could be a girl and they may not be as close as they grow older. Mine is 23 months and I want to have another one soon...but we are not financially stabl;e enough at the moment....hopefully soon though.
My kids have almost the same span as tinks. My children are 20 months apart and 28 months apart, there are 5 days short of being 4 years apart between the oldest and youngest. I love this spread.
When we go to parks, they all like the same things, very rarely do we have to split up and conquer and divide. My oldest two were raised more like twins, that was okay in my world. I think it is good for them to know they are one of 2 or 3 and you just don't always get what you want. It is neat to see how they interact, how they love one another, etc.
That being said, I would wait at least 3 or 4 months before I got pg. Docs say it takes at least a year for your body to be normal. I felt pretty good at about 6-8 months.
Two in diapers didn't really bother me. I never had 3 in diapers so it was okay..LOL. My oldest did grow up fast, but she needed it. I think one thing it does to have them close is that as a parent of one you make a lot of mistakes, you overeact to things that aren't a big deal. With each child you see things a little different. I am a MUCH different parent now. And my oldest gets to benefit from this before she is out of the house. I had an aunt who had three kids, they are currently 35,28 and 19. She basically raised 3 only children. There are very different dynamics. I love my family like it is, but it isn't for everyone. In hindsight I wish I had one more real close to the last, but I just couldn't do it for so many reasons.
Good luck in what you decide.
Mine are 18 months apart. I got pregnant with ds when dd was only 9 months old. IT did make me a bit sad at the time because she was my baby and i did want to focus on her. She was a pretty easy toddler, so it wasn't too hard when the baby was born. They are now 5 and 6 1/2 yrs old. They are close and play together a lot. But on the other hand it does seem like they are constantly fighting.
IT is hard when you have 2 in diapers and all that stuff. But they are not young forever and i think they will be great friends when they grow up.
Also, my sister is 7 years older than me and we fought a lot when we were younger, but now we are best friends.
It is all in personal preference. Good luck with your decision. Your baby is only 4 months old, i think you should just focus on him/her right now, and think about another one in another few months.
Good luck with your decision, i really don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this question, just personal preference.
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