My son's father disappeared or we thought disappeared on us 5 years ago. One day my son went to visit his dad and found he no longer lived there and left no forwarding address. His phone was disconnected and so was his cell phone with no forwarding numbers. We searched for him for years. I finally found him. He had been arrested and went to prison for 3 years for trafficking drugs. I've known this man for 35 years. He admitted to me he really went stupid and paid for it. He tried to find his son from prison through various friends and family members but couldn't find him which is understandable because my son moves around a lot and changed his cell to my family plan so his number also changed and his dad didn't have the new number. But now my son has his dads contact phone number, address, email address and won't contact his dad. Not even on Fathers day. I lost my dad when I was 21 and no he wasn't the best father around but he was my father and I wish I could have been closer to him but that's history now. I have regrets where it concerns my dad. I wish I would have made more of an effort to get closer to him. Until my sons dad disappeared they saw each other regularly. But there were things I didn't know about their relationship.... things I now know like after our divorce and my son would go to his dads house every other weekend his dad was SUPER strict on him. My son calls it his whipfest weekend. He said he got whipped for everything from his shoes being in the floor to not talking properly to his dad or his dads friends. My son is having lots of mixed feelings these days where his dad is concerned. I do too actually but he is his son and his dads health isn't very good these days. I just don't want him to have regrets like I do. So what do I do.... leave it alone or keep trying to encourage him to contact his father? His father has contacted him numerous times but my son won't answer him. I feel until he gets this, whatever it is, out of his system he's going to have problems later in life as a father himself. Anyone have any suggestions?

By Feona on Wednesday, June 23, 2010 - 07:34 am:

I think you son should do what he wants to do.

If you feel he should do something different you should express your feelings.

My dad died and I never met him. Do I regret it? Wish I met him but it really doesn't matter now.

By Northcountrymom on Friday, August 6, 2010 - 09:50 pm:

Hi Debrakay,

You explained everything so well in this post. Maybe you can say that to your son.

By Debrakay on Wednesday, August 11, 2010 - 01:53 pm:

I tried that Northcountrymom but I was quickly put in my place with this response, "Mom I would like him to die knowing he was the worst Father on this Earth." So how do you fight or add to that? I have pretty much just left it alone. Maybe one day he will come to terms with his Dad and with all that he has been through.

By Feonad on Thursday, August 12, 2010 - 07:21 am:

You can't really add anything. He will make his own choice. And you are right you realize when you get older than our parents lived through alot of pain in their childhoods and sometimes adult lives too.